


When One Door Closes

by nuttinonice



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adoption, Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Shiro (Voltron), Post Season 8, Post-Canon Fix-It, Shiro is a gay disaster who's pining like hell and jackin' it instead of confronting his feelings, Single dad Shiro, Slow Burn, Smut, Voyeurism, but not that slow, pillow humping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2019-11-14 16:24:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 52,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18055964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuttinonice/pseuds/nuttinonice
Summary: “Well, I mean… Do you need a husband to adopt a kid?” Keith asks from the video call and Shiro raises his eyebrows. “You could do it on your own. You make a lot of money, you live on the Atlas, so you don’t actually move around much for work. Maybe you could just go for it on your own.”“What if I can’t handle it?” Shiro sighs. “I mean, God, before this, it was just easy. I got married and then kids were the next step, but by myself…” Not to mention, he just got divorced because he's helplessly in love with his best friend. His best friend who's a galaxy away working his dream job while Shiro works his. His best friend who he blew his chance with.Well, maybe his love life's dead, but his dream of being a dad doesn't have to be. Maybe he can do this on his own - even if he doesn't have a husband. Even if Keith's not here.





	1. A Door Closes

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!! So here's the beginning of the Single Dad Shiro AU, I'm expecting about 10 chapters and I'll update twice a month.
> 
> I thought at this fic as a thread on Twitter! You're welcome to read it, but don't if you care about spoilers for the fic. I also probably won't adhere to what I wrote in the thread 100% but it's there if you want it!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> HI!! For some reason I can’t fix my links but my twitter is @nuttinonice!

“So all the paperwork is in. It’s official.” Shiro beams, glasses on top of his head as he lounges in bed, video chatting with Keith on his data pad for the fourth time that week.

“You’re gonna be a kickass dad.” Keith smiles. He’s taking a moment to relax as well, still in his senior blade uniform, but he’s tucked away in his quarters. His braid is all frizzy and messy from a hard day’s work and for a reason Shiro can’t voice out loud, the sight makes his heart warm a bit. Keith always works so hard. Shiro’s relieved to see him taking a break. “Is uh… Curtis excited?”

“Well, you know he’s a little stoic and stuff, but he seems happy I think. I’m over the moon.” Shiro sighs. “We have a room here in the captain’s quarters we’ll make into the nursery. The case worker for the adoption says it shouldn’t take long for us to find a baby. Two parents with high income. We should be golden.”

“You know I don’t know what the fuck to do with kids, but you better send me baby pictures, Shirogane.” Keith teases. “The Blades around here act all tough, but they swoon when they see human babies. They’ll lose their shit over a little Shiro.”

“You better make a trip down here when the baby comes.”

“It’s _you_. I’ll be there to help you guys set up, or whatever you need. Someone can fill in for me”. Keith grins and Shiro’s heart gives a guilty thump at the look on his face. “You should call me again tomorrow, so we can talk about the Olkari refugee situation some more. The Blades are pretty on top of it, but we don’t have as many resources at the Atlas yet, so we could collaborate a little more.”

“I’ll bring it up at the meeting tomorrow.” Shiro nods. They do talk a lot of ‘business’ on their frequent video calls, but they always segway into just talking. It’s not weird, he thinks. He’s married and Keith is a galaxy away. They’re still best friends. Just because life took them in different directions doesn’t mean Shiro has to give up talking to the person who gets him the most.

“Takashi?” Curtis enters the bedroom and knocks on the door frame.

“Hm?” Shiro looks up from the screen.

“Dinner’s ready.”

“Already?”

“It’s seven.” Curtis says and Shiro senses he’s suppressing a sigh.

“Do you mind if i I finish up with Keith real quick?”

“It’s been an hour and a half. Come eat.” Curtis says it with a gentle tone, but he leaves and shuts the door behind him. It’s the universal aggravated husband signal and even if Shiro enjoys sitting down to dinner with his husband, he hates to hang up on Keith.

“I uh… I guess I gotta go.” Shiro shrugs. “I’ll call tomorrow and we can talk about the refugee stuff, yeah? Sorry.”

“I’m not gonna keep you from your husband.” Keith rolls his eyes. “Don’t worry about it. Have a nice night, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Shiro sighs. “Talk to you tomorrow.” He gives Keith a weak wave goodbye and reluctantly hangs up the phone call, wishing he could’ve had just fifteen more minutes. Shiro will deny a lot of things, but the thought he most frequently allows himself to have out loud is fuck, he misses having his best friend around. He often imagines what would have happened if his career didn’t become tied to the Atlas and Keith hadn’t been pulled to the Blades, but then he shoves the thought away, too wracked with guilt to think about wanting another possibility than the man he’s with now. A man he _loves_ , he has to remind himself. He loves Curtis. He does.

“Hey, sorry.” Shiro says when he makes his way out to their dining room. Curtis is setting two plates of grilled salmon on the table and Shiro feels a little bad for leaving him to do the cooking for the second night in a row.

“I want to talk.” Curtis says and takes a seat, cocking his head towards the empty chair.

“What’s up?” Shiro frowns, his chest tightening as he sits down across from him. “You okay?”

“I’m not.” Curtis shrugs. “I thought it was something that you would get over and that I could ignore, but with the adoption and everything… Be honest with me.”

“Honest about what?” Shiro’s blood runs cold at the mention of the adoption. Curtis couldn’t pull out on him. Not when they were so close, not when _he_ was so close to finally being a dad. He’s always wanted a kid. He’s nurturing by nature, likes taking care of things, and it was his dream to achieve his career aspirations young and settle down with a happy family. He’d grown up without one of his own. “What’s wrong with the adoption?”

“Takashi.”

“Curtis, _what?_ ” Shiro asks, eyes wide as he looks at his husband across the table.

Curtis just sighs and leans his head on his hand. “When I met you, you were hurting. I knew you loved Keith and I’ve always respected that you guys keep in touch, but you were hurt when he left. I thought I could fill his place and when we got married, I was positive that you were over that, but Takashi, you don’t… You don’t love me.”

“What?” Shiro frowns, his eyes welling up as he looks at him from across the table. “Of course I do. Keith is my _friend_. He means a lot to me and yeah, I really struggled when we all went our separate ways, but you took care of me. I-I do love you.”

“Why haven’t we had sex all month then?” Curtis asks, his eyes soft and sad at the words.

“I… I-I’ve been overwhelmed with work. The war’s done and we work humanitarian missions now, so I have to pay attention to every detail, or people won’t get the help they need. I just haven’t had the drive.”

“There’s still porn all over your laptop.”

Shiro’s face turns crimson. “That’s private.”

“I found it by accident, but still.” Curtis’s shoulders slump. “I love you, but it’s obvious you don’t feel the same way I do. Even now, I can’t compete at all when it comes to spending time with me or talking to him on the phone. I think you wanted someone to take care of you and that you didn’t want to be alone. I know how badly you want a family, but-”

“Curtis.” Shiro croaks, feeling his mouth quiver at the accusation. He couldn’t say Curtis wasn’t right, but without this, he had nothing. “I would never cheat on you. I-I’m loyal to you and-”

“I know that.” Curtis nods. “I’m not saying you’re a bad husband because you’re not, but you’re just not… in love with me.”

“So what are you saying?” Shiro swallows, tears on the verge of breaking past his eyelids. There was a black hole in his chest. “We’re adopting a baby, you can’t just-”

“That’s why I’m doing this now. We can’t have a kid together, Takashi. This isn’t a marriage that’s built to last and I was just too in love with you to admit it until things got so serious about starting a family.”

“I can be better. W-We can go to couples counseling and we can fix this. I’ll work hard.”

Curtis shakes his head and pokes at the fish on his plate. “We both deserve better than this. I know you won’t leave the Atlas, but there’s a job for me elsewhere. We can pull the adoption paperwork tomorrow. I’m not going to take anything from you.”

“Can’t we talk about this?” Shiro sniffles. “You want to jump straight to divorce? You never even talked to me about this before.”

“I’m not jumping, Takashi. You have to know I’ve felt like this for a long time, but I wanted it to work.” Curtis stands up from his seat and walks over to press a kiss to the top of Shiro’s head. “I’m sorry.”

“No, _fuck_ , Curtis I’m so fucking sorry.” Shiro hiccups. “Look, don’t… D-Don’t go yet. I’m not going to talk you out of leaving me, but can we talk more before you just pack your stuff and just leave?”

“It’s not your fault.” Curtis sighs, his hand still resting on Shiro’s shoulder. “Look, I knew this could happen and I’m the one who was in denial, but can we cut this off before we pull a kid into it? I know how badly you want this, but it’s not fair to me. It wouldn’t be fair to a child either. We can talk all we want to, but that’s how I feel.”

Shiro scrapes his chair back and pulls him into a hug, tears spilling over as he squeezes tight and buries his face in Curtis’s neck. He smells like their shared shampoo and his heart aches at the prospect of being alone, not to mention the fact that he’s apparently hurt someone who loved him. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I swear, I really care about you and I love being married to you.”

“You just love being married.” Curtis says with a little laugh, rubbing Shiro’s back for him as they hug. “Look, it’s… gonna be okay. I’m just as much at fault here as you are for us taking this relationship so far. I think we both knew your heart was hung up on someone else.”

Shiro feels his heart shrivel at those words. What’s he supposed to do now? He can’t have Keith. He’ll have no husband. Sure, he has a career he loves, getting to travel the universe to help people, but that doesn’t fill the hole in his heart - the part of him that needs to go to bed at night with someone there to hold him and the part of him that wants to be a father more than anything.

They talk for hours. It turns into yelling, Shiro clutching the manilla folder with all of their adoption paperwork to his chest like if he can just hold on to it, he can keep this from happening. He won’t let himself sob. He knows this is all his fault and he feels like he isn’t allowed to cry right now, but he still feels so damn angry. A family is within his reach and now he’s going back to square one.

They do eventually settle down and eat dinner while the conversation continues and Shiro laments how he’ll never be able to cook like Curtis does.

He does admit that he felt heartbreak when Keith left for the Blades. He’d thought for a while that deep down, he loved his best friend, but there was a war going on and if he fell in love, _really_ fell in love and something happened to Keith, he just didn’t know if he’d survive it. When the dust settled, he thought maybe, just maybe, they could be something. But then Krolia and Kolivan needed to represent the Galra and there was a power vacuum in the Blades only Keith could fill. He had his dream job with the Atlas and Keith had his with the Blades of Marmora. There wasn’t a way for them to be together without one of them sacrificing something huge. He knew if he begged Keith to stay that he would have, but Shiro couldn’t do that to him. So he chose another man.

Curtis was there. He was sweet and he got Shiro’s mind off of that heartbreak. He took Shiro on dates and he made love to him with attention Shiro hadn’t received since his relationship with Adam. Curtis was there when Shiro needed desperately to vent about a shitty day and his best friend was off on a mission. Curtis was there when Shiro was desperate to be loved and when he proposed, Shiro had been over the moon, but it didn’t change the way his heart thumped when Keith called.

“I’m so sorry.” Shiro whispers when they finish, resting his head on Curtis’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

“I know.” Curtis says. “I’m gonna pack up and go stay with my brother for a little while, okay? Don’t worry about work. I’m cashing all my vacation days in and I’ll be transferring somewhere else soon.”

“Okay.” Shiro nods in defeat. “You can have half of everything. You don’t have to settle just for your part of it.”

“I make plenty on my own and you earned your captain’s salary. I’m still climbing the ladder.” Curtis gives Shiro’s shoulder a squeeze and stands up from the couch they’d moved the conversation to. “I’ll call soon and we’ll get to sorting this out.”

Shiro just nods again, not wanting his voice to crack if he speaks and he lets Curtis go to their bedroom to pack.

He’s never felt so lost. Where does he go from here? What does he have now?

Shiro doesn’t want to guilt him - not when this whole thing is his own fault. He lets Curtis pack, says goodbye and apologizes one more time when he leaves, leaving the front door unlocked when he shuts it behind him.

He keeps it down until Curtis has left, then shuts himself in the bedroom, falls onto the bed, and sobs. It’s the hardest he’s cried maybe ever. He keeps trying to shut it off, but the tears keep coming and his chest keeps heaving with it until he’s out of tears and exhausted. Maybe he didn’t love Curtis, but his heart aches nonetheless. He doesn’t want to be by himself.

He feels so alone, he can’t help but reach out to the one person he has. He takes the data pad from the nightstand and dials Keith again, praying he’s still awake.

“Shiro?” Keith yawns when he answers. His hair is in a messy braid and he’s tucked into bed, wearing a black tank top that makes him look cozy and adorable. Shiro just wants to hug him like he used to.

“Hey.” He croaks. He doesn’t know what he’ll tell Keith about why his husband has up and left, but he needs to talk to his best friend now more than ever.

“Whoa, hey.” Keith frowns. “What’s going on?”

“I um… I-I just needed to talk to you.”

“Are you okay?”

Shiro shakes his head.

“Where’s Curtis?”

Shiro’s mouth quivers and Keith’s expression softens, his eyes full with warmth and concern. Shiro’s never wanted to see him in person so bad.

“Tell me what happened. It’s okay.”

Shiro knows he can’t tell Keith that his marriage just ended because he still has a crush on him, but part of the truth is enough. He swallows the lump in his throat. “We just… W-We don’t love each other like we should. We got together because it was convenient and it took us a while to admit that, but he doesn’t want us to adopt if our marriage isn’t built to last, so um…” He chokes back a sob and takes a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling to blink the tears back. He’d be humiliated crying like this in front of anyone else, but it’s Keith. He doesn’t have to be embarrassed. “He’s leaving me.”

“Oh my God, Shiro I’m so sorry.” Keith breathes, eyes wide as he looks at him. “I know how much that adoption meant to you. Are you okay?”

“I’m coping.” He sniffs. “I just want to be a dad so badly, I mean, fuck. Is that so much to ask? A-Am I crazy?”

“You’re not crazy. You’ve wanted that for a long time and having it taken away like this right when it was happening for you just… God, Shiro I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t know what to do now. I’m about to be divorced and I’m not even thirty yet.”

“Well, I mean… Do you need a husband to adopt a kid?” Keith asks and Shiro raises his eyebrows. “You could do it on your own. You make a lot of money, you live on the Atlas, so you don’t _really_ move around much for work. Maybe you could just go for it on your own.”

“What if I can’t handle it?” Shiro sighs. “I mean, God, before this, it was just so easy. I got married and then kids were the next step, but by myself…”

“I mean, you’ll have to take a lot of time to think about it, but don’t feel like that dream is dead just because things didn’t work out with Curtis.” Keith says and Shiro actually does feel better. His heart aches a little more at how comforting Keith is and how much Shiro wishes that life hadn’t taken them in the directions it had, but he can’t dwell on that. Being stuck on Keith is what just killed his marriage. Now more than ever, he needs to shove any romantic thoughts about him away, but he knows he can’t walk away from the friendship. “Shiro?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve been through worse than this. Way worse. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Thanks, Keith.” Shiro sighs. “Sorry for waking you up.”

“You’re fine.” Keith laughs and Shiro’s eyes are drawn to the scar on his cheek, heart twinging at the memory of how he got it. “You okay?”

“Better now.”

“Alright, I have to be up early, but if you’re freaking out, call me. Seriously.”

Shiro’s mind flashes back to the nightmares he used to have on the Castle of Lions. Keith would always come into his room when he heard shouting and calm him down, occasionally spend the night just to make sure Shiro wasn’t scared. “I will.” Shiro promises. “Be safe tomorrow, yeah?”

“Always.” Keith winks. “Get some rest, Shiro. I’ll call tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Keith.” Shiro takes a deep breath. “Goodnight.”

**

Shiro goes to work the next morning without Curtis. The Atlas is landed on Earth for the time being and the next mission isn’t for some time. He goes to his board meetings, acts like the strong stoic leader he’s always been and tries not to feel his husband’s absence. He pretends he doesn’t hear the murmurs either. Of course rumors have already spread, but he won’t let those distract him.

Curtis calls that night. He has a lawyer and they’ll have divorce papers by the end of the week. Since they don’t intend to argue over how things will be divided, there isn’t a lot of mediation needed. It almost hurts more how fast the process will be for them, like their marriage was always destined for this end, but Shiro supposes it was. Hopefully he’ll find someone else one day and maybe he’ll be able to feel for that person what he feels for the person he can’t have.

Speaking of which, Keith calls as promised and Shiro keeps him on the phone for close to three hours. He loves hearing about Keith’s mission of the day and it’s a pleasant distraction just to hear his voice. It’s low and soothing and Keith always knows how to make him laugh when he’s down.

He stays on the phone while he starts packing Curtis’s things, wanting to make the moving out process is as easy for him as possible. He doesn’t quite know what to do with their wedding album. Part of him wants to keep it. He really had been happy that day - incredibly so. He puts it on the top shelf of the closet. He’ll give it to Curtis if he asks, but if not, he’ll salvage the memories. Maybe he can learn something from them.

The next day, they pull out of the adoption agency.

The day after that, Curtis’s brother comes to the Atlas and Shiro quietly helps him back his pick up truck with all of Curtis’s things. The MFE pilots, being the insatiable gossips they are, are the first to ask him about it - because of course they spied a little when they saw their Captain and his brother in-law carrying boxes out of his quarters.

“Are things okay?” Nadia asks Shiro when she catches him in the hall the next day.

“Okay with what?” Shiro responds with an even voice. The last thing he wants is for his crew to be worrying about him.

“Um… Curtis hasn’t been to work and were you packing his stuff up?”

Shiro sighs as they walk towards the board room. He doesn’t want to talk about it, but he doesn’t want to lie either. “We’re getting a divorce. He’ll be transferring. Someone will replace him before the mission, so you have nothing to worry about.”

“Oh.” She frowns. “Geeze, are you okay?”

“Fine.” Shiro says as they approach the room and he punches in the access code. “Let’s just focus on what needs to be done.”

**

Keith can’t talk that night. He’s on a longer mission and Shiro knows he needs to be able to keep his shit together without spending hours having Keith talk him to sleep - especially if he’s supposed to be working on _not_ being in love with his best friend.

He’s wide awake at two a.m. He can’t call Keith and sure, he could call the other paladins - no doubt the other paladins would hear the news from the Atlas crew by tomorrow - but none of them had the calming effect he needed. There’s a desire that itches at the back of his mind, but he knows he shouldn’t. It’s against everything he should be trying to do to progress, but _God_ if he doesn’t get some sleep soon, he’ll die. He hasn’t done it since Keith left the planet.

Shiro swallows his guilt and reaches for his laptop on the nightstand. He was pretty mortified that Curtis had seen his search history, but he pulls up PornHub anyways. There’s a… particular actor Shiro likes. Someone who’s a little pale with dusty black hair that’s a little too long and reminds him of Keith’s. He types in the cheesy porn nickname and picks the first video that pulls up, trying not to hate himself too much as he watches and slips his hand into his boxers.

He turns the volume up and shuts his eyes, lets his mind wander with a little freedom. He’s getting divorced. He can think about whatever he wants, but his heart hurts as he wonders if Keith moans like this. He wants to know so bad and an image pops into his head as he strokes himself. It had been innocent back then, but of course over the course of their friendship, he’d seen Keith naked. There were communal showers at the Castle and they’d shared them a few times. It wasn’t weird. They were _best_ friends. Shiro felt like he was doing something awful, like he was a voyeur as he pictured Keith’s body, warm and soaked in hot water, but the picture made him moan. It was a fantasy he repressed for years now. He pictures the curve of Keith’s ass as he listens to the audio from his laptop. He thinks about the side glances he’d gotten in the past of what his cock looked like and how it was so pink and bigger than he’d expected and how he wants it in his mouth and-  
“Hh!” Shiro comes with a gasp, earlier than he meant to as he spurts over his fist and against the fabric of his underwear, toes curling as he jerks off through the orgasm. Fuck. _Fuck_. What was wrong with him? He uses his prosthetic to hover over and close the window on his laptop, shutting the computer and placing it back on the nightstand as he recovers from what he’s just done.

This is worse. This is _so much_ worse. Without the distraction of someone else in his bed, Shiro is more hung up on Keith than ever and it makes tears well up in his eyes. He’s ruined. What if he can’t feel this way about anyone else? What if he never gets over it? He’ll never have a family. Anyone else he tries to be with will probably leave for the same reason Curtis did if he can’t get a fucking grip.

Shiro sniffles and wiggles out of his boxers, using them to clean up the mess before tossing them onto the laundry basket and curling up with a pillow clutched to his chest.

He’s doomed.

**

“So you guys signed the papers this week?” Allura asks, voice soft as she sits with Lance across from Shiro.

“Yeah. He was… fast.” Shiro grimaces.

“Do you want to come and stay with us for a while?” Lance offers, but Shiro shakes his head.

“You guys are newlyweds. I wouldn’t want to be a third wheel and I’m fine staying on the Atlas. I actually like being distracted with work and everything.” Shiro stirs his coffee absentmindedly. It was a nice convenience that a café had opened on Garrison grounds. “It’s all just happened so fast and we had to pull the adoption paperwork.”

“I’m sorry, Dude.” Lance sighs in sympathy and Shiro hates that everyone’s pitying him - even if he’s pretty pitiful. “We all know how much that meant to you.”

“Can I ask you guys something?”

“Of course.” Allura nods.

“I’m thinking of adopting as a single parent.” Shiro says, looking up from his untouched latte. “It’s difficult, but I think I can handle it. Am I nuts for wanting to jump into that right after divorce?”

“I don’t think you are.” Allura shakes her head. “Shiro, we all know you. You’d be an amazing father whether or not you have a husband.”

“I think that’s mostly the reason I married Curtis in the first place. I feel horrible.” Shiro takes a deep breath. “But thanks. I’m gonna talk to the agency as soon as the divorce is final and talk about becoming a parent on my own.”

“Does Keith know?” Lance raises an eyebrow.

“We talk, so he knows everything that’s going on.” Shiro thinks about asking the two of them if they’d be interested in being Godparents. It was a question him and Curtis had been meaning to ask, but now that he was starting from square one of the adoption process all over again, it felt too early. Plus, the two of them would probably be thinking about kids of their own soon. He shouldn’t get too attached to all of his parenthood fantasies quite yet.

“Well hopefully he’ll swing by Earth soon. I’m sure you could use him around.” Lance shrugs.

“What does that mean?” Shiro blinks, his cheeks flushing pink. “I-I don’t need to see him. We talk all the time.”

Lance and Allura exchange a look and Shiro frowns.

“Shut up.” He pouts, pushing his cup back. Maybe he was a little obvious.

**

The day they sign the divorce papers, Shiro cries to Keith for an hour on the phone. The quarters feel naked and empty already. His bed feels cold and Curtis’s empty seat by his control panel at work guilts him until he’s emotionally exhausted by the end of the day.

“You’re going through a huge transition. It’s okay to feel this way.” Keith says, his voice kind and soft as Shiro lays in bed with the data pad. It feels good to be the only one that gets to hear Keith like this. He’s a leader too - always strong and stoic, but not with Shiro. With Shiro, he’s honest and open and so comforting that Shiro calms down almost immediately when Keith talks to him.

Shiro tries to still his heart when Keith lets his hair down on camera, but he knows he’s blushing. “Long day too?”

“The longest.” Keith sighs. “We’re training new blades. There’s a lot of Galra weaponry lying around on this planet that we have to find and dismantle to make sure nothing goes off and hurts civilians, but there’s _so_ much of it and these guys are so _new_. One of them nearly stepped on a landmine today.”

“Well they’ve got you looking out for them. I’m sure they’ll be fine.” Shiro smiles and his heart warms when Keith smiles back. He misses him so much it hurts. “I’m gonna get the ball rolling on a new adoption case tomorrow. Just me.”

“That’s awesome, Shiro.” Keith grins.

It’s been less than a week and Shiro’s close to giving up on ever getting over this guy. He knows it can’t work, but he’s miserable and the way Keith makes his heart flutter is the best part of his day. He’s going through enough to deny himself a few comforting fantasies.

“Are you feeling better? I’m sorry I can’t actually be there for you right now, but I hope I’m helping.” Keith sighs. “I love the work I’m doing up here, but I do miss you and everything.” He stops and clears his throat. “I mean you and the team, you know? I miss all you guys.”

Shiro’s heart thumps. “I miss you too. You’ve been helping a lot, I know I’m a mess. Am I keeping you up too late?”

“I don’t mind.” Keith shrugs. “Tell me more about your day.”

Shiro does. He talks to Keith until he has no clue what to say anymore and he can see his best friend falling asleep, so they say goodnight. He sets the data pad on the nightstand and takes the body pillow from where it lays against the headboard.

It’s completely counterproductive to all the things he’s needs to be doing to be emotionally healthy, but Shiro wants to feel good. He lays on top of the pillow with his boxers discarded next to him and lets himself roll against it, grinding on the fabric for friction and panting hard as he gets off thinking about Keith. He thinks about how long his hair is now and what it would feel like to have Keith on all fours, Shiro gripping his braid as he fucks into him and the mental image draws a moan from his chest as he rolls his hips. It’s an embarrassing way to masturbate, a way he hasn’t done since he got married and was too afraid of getting caught by someone else, but it’s his favorite way. He likes how it feels like he isn’t doing it alone, pretending that the pillow he’s rutting up against is his best friend in the entire universe even though they’re on opposite ends of it.

He’ll work through this. He’ll become a dad on his own and he’ll focus his life on that, on being the best father he can be and he’ll leave his pining behind him, but for now he only wants to think about one thing and he allows himself this one small, unhealthy vice as he jerks his hips and moans it out.

“ _Keith_.”


	2. A Window Opens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So um…” Shiro clears his throat as he puts another screw into place. “Did you hear anything back from Keith?”
> 
> “Oh!” Allura’s eyes light up. “Yes! He says he can easily get away for a day for the baby shower, so when we land in two weeks for the mission, we’ll throw the party and Keith will come by.”
> 
> “That’s great!” Shiro beams, looking down at the instructions, so they don’t see how hard he’s blushing. He’s really going to see Keith in just two weeks. It’s something huge to look forward to even if he does feel a little guilty about having a baby shower at all. He can provide all the stuff the baby needs himself. He wants to.

“You… do understand that it’s difficult to adopt as a single parent.”

Shiro nods at the caseworker and tries to sit up a little straighter. This is his second time at the same adoption agency, but this woman is new. He likes her. She’s young and she’s sweet, but she’s also honest, realistic, and to the point. He needs that. He can’t let his hopes get too high in this situation, knowing how long of a wait he may be in for. “I understand. Just tell me what I need to do to get started.”

“Well luckily, we have most of your information already from your previous file, but there are some things that you can do to strengthen your profile.” She opens a drawer in the desk she’s sitting behind and pulls out a few forms before handing them over. “Get some character witnesses. Ask your close friends, especially if they’re high ranking military like yourself. Get one from that couple you want as Godparents, get one from someone who works with you, or a boss, and get one from someone who just knows you really well.”

“Sounds easy enough.” Shiro smiles as he takes the papers. “Should I get started on building the nursery? Just in case we get lucky?”

“Couldn’t hurt.” She shrugs. “You will have to go through a home inspection, so be prepared. I’ll let you know when we find a candidate that works for you and just get the work done fast, so when we find it, we can jump on it.”

“Okay then.” Shiro grins, putting the forms in the manilla folder he’s keeping all the paperwork in. The  _ new _ paperwork. It’s his adoption case this time around. Just his. “Anything else before I go?”

“I think you’re all set for now. We’ll be in touch.” She says as Shiro gets up and hugs the folder to his chest. 

“Thanks for taking me as a client.” Shiro sighs. “I’m really excited.”

“I think you’re gonna be a great fit, Shiro. We just have to find a case for you.”

Shiro nods in understanding and thanks her one more time before he leaves. He’s still clutching the file, his heart warm and light as he holds it. He’s doing this. He doesn’t have a husband by his side, but he still has the paladins. They’ll help him build the nursery and do the baby shopping. He can call Keith and he’ll always have him to listen if he just needs to vent about adoption stress, or gush about all the things he’s excited about. 

He’s got this. 

When he gets back to the Atlas, it’s straight to the board room. He’s a minute or two late, but it’s for a good reason, so he doesn’t kick himself as he walks into the meeting room and everyone looks his way. 

“Sorry everyone.” Shiro says as he approaches the head of the table and turns his projector on. He’s still grinning like an idiot. 

“Something you want to share?” Lance is the one to tease, leaning back in his chair. He doesn’t really  _ need _ to be at this meeting, but Shiro doesn’t (usually) kick him out when he rolls in. They do still use the lions on occasion - especially for supply distribution.

The MFE pilots all raise their eyebrows and Shiro blushes. “I uh… I actually just came from the adoption agency. It went really well and they said I should go ahead and get ready for a baby even if it’ll take a little time to find a case for me.” He smiles wide when everyone congratulates him, but puts his excitement aside to regain his professionalism and start the meeting. He’s so over the moon. He might still be lonely and hiding an embarrassing amount of pining, but now he has something incredible to look forward to  _ and _ to keep his mind on. “Let’s talk about the refugee situation.”

**

“So this is gonna be the nursery?” Keith asks from the data pad as Shiro holds it up for him to see the room. “That’s a lot of space. You should be able to put all kinds of cute shit around.”

“Right?” Shiro beams. “Everything’s gonna get bolted to the floor. I know we never transform the Atlas anymore, but sometimes there’s still a little motion, so I want to make sure the crib and changing table don’t move.”

“Is anyone helping you with this stuff?”

“I’m gonna ask Lance and Allura to come do a bunch of shopping with me before we launch for the next trip. We’re doing a big food and water supply drop a galaxy over and it’ll take us two weeks, so I want to get a bunch of stuff that I can set up while we’re traveling.”

“Sounds great.” Keith says as Shiro turns the data pad back towards him and takes it back to the bedroom, flopping down on the bed with it. “How are you holding up?”

“The divorce is a pretty open wound. I think it’s gonna be for a while.” Shiro grimaces. “I don’t know. The baby’s a nice distraction, but it’s weird being alone when I wake up and when I come home.”

“Well… Treat yourself a little.” Keith shrugs. “I mean, I’m all the way out here and I’m always surrounded by Galra, or other alien species. I uh… don’t really have anyone to be attracted to? There’s ways to cope.”

“What do you mean?” Shiro blushes, his heart sinking a little in his chest. He knows it’s petty and jealous and he wants Keith to be happy, but he hates thinking about Keith looking for someone. 

“Look don’t go all boy scouty and blushy on me, but…” Keith bites his lip. “Toys help? Like a lot.”

Shiro’s face turns crimson and he knows it. It’s not weird. They’ve been best friends since they were far younger than they are now and they’ve talked plenty about masturbation before, but the thought of Keith plus sex toys is giving him a heart attack. “You… Y-You use that stuff?”

“Yeah.” Keith shrugs. “It helps with the stress and it keeps me focused. I just keep ‘em in the nightstand and it’s great to have after a long day, or if you’re feeling lonely, you know?”

“I don’t know anything about that stuff.” Shiro swallows, glancing guiltily towards the closet where he stashed the body pillow. He can’t lie, he’s eager to take it out again and grind until he sees stars. 

“Curtis really wasn’t too kinky was he?” Keith muses. “Explore what you like. Take some time for yourself and discover some shit. I did.”

Shiro’s mouth is watering at the image of Keith masturbating like that, alone in his quarters with a vibrator, or a plug. He’s thankful Keith can only see him from the shoulders up because he’s undeniably hard in his uniform pants. “We were kind of vanilla.” He sighs. “Maybe, um… Maybe I’ll try some stuff. What do you use?” He asks and hopes Keith doesn’t know he’s asking more for his fantasies than actual advice. 

“I have a vibrator I like.” Keith says as he pulls a hair tie off and starts to undo his braid for the day. “I also have this one dildo with a suction cup on the back, so I can stick it to the wall, or the back of the bed and just go to town.”

Shiro shivers. That sounds  _ really _ good. “I’ll try something out. It’s probably gonna be a long time before I get any kind of action again anyways.”  _ If ever _ , he thinks to himself. He’s still blushing as he watches Keith take his hair down. He looks fucking ethereal with the braid undone, his hair soft and wavy. Shiro wants to run his hands through it. “I um… I should probably go.”

Keith raises an eyebrow. 

“What?”

“Go jerk off, Shiro. You have my blessing.” Keith teases. “I uh… may have some pre-sleeping plans of my own, so… Talk tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Shiro laughs a little, but his heart is pounding. “Talk to you later.”

“See ya.” Keith says with a little mock salute before hanging up the call and Shiro is left with the guiltiest boner of his life. 

How have his feelings for Keith gotten  _ worse _ ? He unzips his pants just to relieve the pressure and rolls his eyes at himself as he gets up out of bed. This is ridiculous. He’s a grown,  _ recently divorced _ man who’s crushing on his best friend like a sixteen year old. It’s probably just the freshness of Curtis leaving. He feels lonely. Keith is the person he’s closest to and his heart is… confused. His dick is too apparently because he’s leaking into his boxers as he walks up to the closet and reaches in for what he’s dubbed the ‘shame pillow.’ He wonders if Keith still feels for him - if maybe he’s teasing him on purpose by telling him how he masturbates, but Shiro shakes that thought away. 

They never addressed the ‘I love you.’ After everything, Keith didn’t bring it up and Shiro wasn’t sure if Keith meant for him to remember it. He does remember. He remembers the whole fight Keith fought against his clone, against the body he has now, but Keith doesn’t know that. It would make no sense for Keith to be flirting with him. 

Shiro just takes the pillow and sighs at himself. He’s delusional. Keith is just being open and friendly like he always is when it’s just the two of them. He is a little curious though. He’s experimented before on himself and occasionally on Curtis with the fingers on his prosthetic. They can vibrate, but the thought of buying an actual sex toy just for himself is kind of… exciting? For now, he’ll settle for the false intimacy of the shame pillow and a little lube on his metal fingers, but maybe he’ll take a trip into town tomorrow. 

Shiro strips himself down this time and tosses the pillow on the bed as he digs for the lube in the nightstand. He should buy a little more if he’s going to be using it on himself, but there’s enough left for tonight. 

He doesn’t feel guilty getting himself off before bed. He has trouble sleeping without someone next to him now and an orgasm helps him fall asleep without too much trouble. He does feel guilty thinking about Keith as he slicks up his fingers and crawls onto his bed, lying over the pillow and sighing as he floats his prosthetic between his own legs to ease a finger inside. 

When him and Curtis first started having sex, his favorite thing had been fucking into him with two of his own fingers buried deep inside himself. There was all kinds of crazy positioning he could pull off with the prosthetic, but he hadn’t done it in a long time. Not since he started to lose attraction to his husband - although he’d staunchly denied that was happening until Curtis had confronted him. 

Shiro rolls forward against the pillow then back against his fingers, using his free hand to pull up his phone. It’s an accident - or he tells himself it’s one - when he sees Keith’s contact photo, pulled up from the recent call. It’s him with his new long hair and Shiro can see his biceps in the Blades uniform, see where they’ve grown stronger and more defined, and he groans at the thought of Keith pinning him against a wall. It feels horribly wrong and he hates how that arouses him more. He’s pining like never before and it makes his heart sink and pound hard at the same time. 

What kind of a person is he to be fantasizing about someone else when he just lost a husband? He can’t even tell if it’s years of suppressed feelings bubbling to the surface, or if he’s just fucking lonely, but he knows one thing as he eases a second finger inside himself and kicks up the vibrations - no one will know about this. Even when Keith comes to visit, Shiro won’t make a move, won’t breathe a word about how desperate he is. It would only guilt Keith about leaving Earth, distract him from his new life with the Blades and Shiro can’t do that. Not to mention that he has no clue what he would do if he lost their friendship. He loves his team, but him and Keith have history. They’ve been to hell and back and if Shiro lost him? He just might lose himself too. 

He looks at Keith’s eyes in the photo and moans as he approaches a far too quick orgasm. 

No one can ever know about this.

**

“We’re planning your baby shower. No arguing.” Allura says as she heaves the unassembled crib into Shiro’s cart. Lance is preoccupied with mobiles and Shiro’s trying to mentally run through the list of everything he should get. He wants to keep things as gender neutral as possible, but he wants the basics for now. 

“You don’t have to do that.” Shiro says as he looks at a shelf full of diaper genies. “I don’t even know if it’ll be a boy or a girl and I don’t wanna buy a bunch of gendered stuff anyways.”

“Then I’ll tell everyone to keep things simple.” Allura shrugs. “Do you want me to invite Keith?”

Shiro’s head jerks up, his cheeks warming on sight. “W-Why would you do that? He’s super busy, he couldn’t come all the way to the Atlas just for a baby shower.”

Allura raises an eyebrow. “You seem excited.”

“He’s just my friend.” Shiro frowns. “I miss him. There’s nothing weird about that.” What’s weird is that he’s spent every night of the past two weeks jerking off to pictures of him and has gotten way too addicted to the new cock-shaped vibrator in his nightstand drawer. 

“Hm.” Allura hums as she picks a diaper genie for him and tosses it in the cart. 

“What?”

“Nothing.” She shrugs and Shiro narrows his eyes, but decides not to push the conversation forward. Allura thinks otherwise. “The planet we’re leaving for tomorrow is close to him. In two weeks, I’m sure he could make a trip to the Atlas for his best friend’s baby shower. I’ll invite him.”

Shiro’s heart nearly pounds out of his chest. It’ll probably just be for a day, but God, if he could actually see Keith for a bit… Pining aside, it would do his heart some good just to be around him for a little. “You can invite him.”

“I will.” She smiles as she waves Lance over. “Let’s find you a high chair.”

**

The Atlas launches in the morning and Shiro’s quarters are full of baby gear to assemble. He sent Keith the form for the character witness letter and he already got one back from Allura and Pidge. He’s a little too eager to see what Keith writes about. Curtis has moved all the way to San Francisco and Shiro can really use the ego boost. He hopes every hour that Allura will come up and let him know Keith will be coming, but he distracts himself as they navigate through an asteroid belt.

It’s not a difficult job. It would take a  _ lot _ for any asteroid to damage the Atlas, but Shiro takes it seriously and tries to keep his mind off of the adoption and whether or not his best friend will be at his baby shower. 

Once they’re through and the ship is able to easily navigate on it’s own, he retreats to his quarters to work on crib assembly. 

It seems easy enough. Shiro lays all of the pieces out on the floor and reads through the instructions. He gets the frame together, but when he tries to attach the fourth leg, it just won’t fit. He’s got the right screws and everything in the right place, but the stupid hunk of metal just  _ won’t _ go into its slot. What the fuck? 

Shiro groans and drops the piece to the floor. What’s the matter with him? He looks ridiculous. He’s in a Captain’s uniform sitting on the floor with a disassembled crib he can’t even put together. How is he supposed to do everything a father needs to if he can’t even get his child’s bed together? His eyes water as he looks at all the disassembled pieces on the floor. Is he cut out to do this on his own?

There’s a knock on his front door and Shiro sighs, pushing himself up from the floor and blinking the water back in his eyes before going to answer. “Hey.” He says when he sees Lance and Allura. “It’s um… Kind of a bad time.”

“What’s up, Buddy?” Lance frowns and Allura’s already looking at him with her trademark concerned eyes. Shiro can’t believe he feels so helpless over a crib. 

“It’s nothing.”

“No it’s not, you look like your dog just died or something.” Lance steps past him to walk inside and Allura follows. 

“Shiro, you know you can talk to us, yes? You’re going through a lot.” She says and Shiro locks the front door to avoid any more visitors. “Is it Curtis?”

“No.” Shiro sighs. “I just… I don’t know, it’s dumb. I’m trying to put the crib together and it’s not going so well.”

“Well let us help.” Lance shrugs. “Allura’s great with this kind of thing. When we moved into the same quarters, you should’ve seen how fast she whipped all that IKEA stuff together.”

“I kind of want to do it on my own.”

“Why?” Allura asks, already tightening her bun like she’s preparing for the job. “You’re not on your own Shiro. We’re all here to help you.”

“I mean, I’m gonna be a single dad.” Shiro grimaced. “I need to be able to do everything for this baby and if I can’t, what kind of father am I going to be?”

“Oh Shiro.” She rolled her eyes and turned to walk towards the nursery. “Even single parents don’t do everything on their own. Especially in the preparation stage, people need help. You can’t do everything yourself.”

Shiro follows her with his shoulders slumped and looks in defeat at all the pieces on the floor. It’s a pretty pathetic nursery even if he’s just started building it. “I can’t get the fourth leg in and I don’t know why it’s not fitting.”

“Hm.” Lance frowns and kneels down by the pieces, picking up the leg and trying to fit into the slot. “Gross, you’re right.”

“Let me see.” Allura says, shooing him away and taking the leg of the crib. She slips her fingers into the slot to feel around and raises her eyebrows as she pulls a rogue screw out. “This was inside.” She takes the leg and slots it into place before screwing it in with her fingers. Damn that Altean strength. 

“Huh.” Shiro blinks. It was that easy. 

“Come here, Super Dad.” She laughs. “We’ll build it together.”

Shiro actually smiles a little and kneels down with them to move on to the next assembly step. Super Dad. He kinda likes that. 

They work together, securing the bars to the frame and the crib starts coming together far faster than Shiro could’ve assembled it himself - if he’d even kept trying. He was ready to lay on the floor and lament his lack of fatherly abilities when Lance and Allura had come knocking. 

“So um…” Shiro clears his throat as he puts another screw into place. “Did you hear anything back from Keith?”

“Oh!” Allura’s eyes light up. “Yes! He says he can easily get away for a day for the baby shower, so when we land in two weeks for the mission, we’ll throw the party and Keith will come by.”

“That’s great!” Shiro beams, looking down at the instructions, so they don’t see how hard he’s blushing. He’s really going to see Keith in just two weeks. It’s something huge to look forward to even if he does feel a little guilty about having a baby shower at all. He can provide all the stuff the baby needs himself. He wants to. “Are you sure about the shower though? I mean, don’t people need to buy stuff back on Earth?”

Lance snorts and nudges his wife in the arm. “Tell him how crazy you are.”

“I… may have let everyone know that they should get their gifts a little in advance.”

“As in… before you even asked me about the baby shower?” Shiro blinks. 

“Possibly.” Allura nods. “But they were all happy to do so and everyone is all set to shower you in baby supplies as soon as Keith is able to join us.”

“Thanks.” Shiro sighs, his heart warm at those words. He’ll feel so much better after he sees him even if he feels like a complete creep for thinking of him so much when he uh… relaxes before bed. Keith just has a way of lifting his spirits. 

They finish up the crib and press down hard on every part to make sure it’s safe and secure. Shiro’s afraid it looks a little too prisony. It’s a sleek silver crib, but Allura assures him it’ll feel much more homey when there’s blankets and toys and, most importantly, a baby in it. 

Shiro isn’t too eager to be alone again until it’s time for his night time ritual, so he enlists Lance and Allura in putting the first swatch of pastel green paint on the wall. It looks good. It’d be perfect for any gender and Shiro makes a mental note to set some time aside and recruit the full paladin team to get the painting done. Maybe Allura has a point that he doesn’t have to do  _ everything _ by himself. Plus, he feels lonely. A group effort would make him feel a little better. 

**

Shiro distracts himself as much as he can over the next two weeks. His heart threatens to pound out of his chest every time he thinks about seeing Keith in person again - it’s been so long. He focuses on work as much as he can and gets together with all the paladins to work on the nursery. They paint the walls in pastel green, set up a rocking chair. Shiro spends hours online just filling shopping carts with things to add to the room. Planet mobiles and bookshelves, a fuzzy rug, and toys. He’ll check out and then assess what necessities he’s still in need of after the baby shower. 

He’s getting more and more addicted to his embarrassing nighttime habit. The pillow in his closet is… disgusting to say the least, but he can’t seem to stop himself (and why ruin another perfectly good pillow anyways if he can just keep using the one he’s got?). It gets harder though. Shiro ruts into it at night, whimpering and grinding as he thinks of Keith, sometimes with the new vibrator lodged inside him, sometimes getting off to nothing but the friction. He thinks of pulling Keith’s long hair, thinks of Keith on top of him, fucking him into the mattress. He thinks of sucking his dick and eating him out, thinks of Keith doing the same to him. It’s ecstasy until he comes and has to face the reality of what he’s doing - jerking off to his best friend in the world, the man he passed up his chance on and is now selfishly in love with.

Shiro thinks briefly of telling him at the baby shower, but shakes the thought away. He’d have to be heartless to do that. He chose someone else over fighting for Keith before. He can’t change his mind now that Keith has moved on and plus, they rarely get to actually see each other. It’s selfish. Horribly, horribly selfish. He’ll take these feelings to his grave.

**

When they land the Atlas and the day of the baby shower arrives, Shiro is sweating bullets. He changes four times before settling on an outfit he thinks he looks good in. When Keith sees him, he wants to seem put together and handsome, not like he’s losing his shit over newfound feelings and an impending adoption and he definitely doesn’t want to look like a guy who’s been masturbating to the thought of him every night. Baby blue skinny jeans and a tight pink button down is what he finally lands on. Last time he wore it, Curtis teased that he was getting too old to dress like that, but Shiro will be damned if he lets his 30’s stop him from wearing his favorite clothes. He has to be in uniform so often, he wants to enjoy it when he gets to dress normally and he wants to look good for Keith too. 

Allura has put pink and blue streamers all over his living room and Hunk is in the kitchen, finishing up some intergalactic catering. Shiro has to admit, he’s nervous for more than just Keith’s visit. He feels bad having people give him gifts and he’s worried his crew might just feel pressured into coming. He doesn’t want to force anyone.

“Chin up dude, it’s your baby shower.” Lance says as he throws a plastic tablecloth over Shiro’s coffee table and Allura sets a platter of veggies, ranch, and hummus down on top of it. “You stressed about seeing Keith?”

“Huh? No, why would I be?” Shiro blinks, but he knows his face has turned red enough to see. 

“Hm.” Lance throws Allura a little glance and Shiro feels like melting into the floor. “No reason. Just been awhile for you guys.”

“Keith should be getting in any minute. You two might have a chance to catch up before the shower starts.” Allura smiles as she sets out a pitcher of lemonade. 

“I’m sure he won’t be that early.” Shiro says. “It’s just a baby shower, not like it’s-” He stops cold at the sound of a knock on the front door. “Do you think that’s-?”

“Go answer it, buddy. Me and Allura will uh… occupy ourselves in the kitchen.” Lance says as him and Allura share another look. 

“Yes, yes, we’ll make ourselves very busy.” Allura says, tugging Lance off to the kitchen and out of the way as Shiro takes a deep breath and walks off to answer the door. 

_ It’s probably not even Keith. He’s never early to stuff _ , Shiro thinks as he punches in the access code to open the door. 

“Hey Shiro.” Keith grins and holy  _ shit _ , Shiro wasn’t prepared to see him wearing the senior Blades uniform. It’s tight. Really tight. The kind of tight that leaves nothing to the imagination and his hair iis in a braid that lays over his right shoulder. His smile is bright enough to light the room and as nervous and smitten as Shiro is at the sight of his best friend in the universe, he’s also incredibly relieved. Keith is here. They’re together again, in the same room, and he gets to talk to him all day. “Am I the first one here?”

“Uh, yeah.” Shiro stammers. “Lance and Allura are setting up in the kitchen. Come on in.”

“I know it’s been a while, but you don’t need to be so formal with me.” Keith laughs as he steps forward and pulls Shiro into a hug. “I’m really happy to see you again. I can stick around for a little after the shower, so we can catch up, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Shiro breathes, hugging him back tight and shutting his eyes. God, he missed this. He forgot how good it felt to hug Keith and just feel his warmth, smell his clove scented shampoo. “Thanks for coming, Keith.”

“Anything for you, Shiro.” Keith smiles when they part and the words damn near give Shiro a heart attack. “What do you have to eat? I just crossed half a galaxy.”

“Right this way.” Shiro smiles right back and leads Keith off towards the kitchen. So much for alone time, but he’s not sure if he trusts himself to be alone with Keith quite yet. 

They all stand in the kitchen, snacking on the catering while they wait for their guests. Shiro has to actively focus on not swooning just watching Keith talk with Lance and Allura. He seems so much more vibrant now, like he’s just really, truly happy. The way he lights up when he talks about his new projects with the Blades makes Shiro’s heart soften, but it also hits him with a pang of guilt. It’s a reminder of how selfish it is to be in love with Keith now that he’s got a life of his own and seems so fulfilled. Maybe Shiro will feel that way when the baby comes - fulfilled. 

After half an hour, the guests start arriving. Keith stands with Shiro at the door to say hi to everyone, hugging every one of the paladins and high-fiving Matt Holt as they come inside with their gifts. 

“This is gonna be one spoiled kid.” Keith teases as they watch their friends pile a stack of gifts in the living room. “Not just because you’re gonna be the world’s most doting dad, but everyone’s obsessed with Shiro Jr. already and the kid’s not even here yet. Everyone in the Blades wants baby pictures when you have ‘em.”

“At least they’ll be super confident.” Shiro shrugs with a smile. “But yeah. They’ll probably be spoiled rotten.”

“Well leave some room for me to swing by and spoil them too. I want to be the cool uncle.”

Oof. Uncle. “The kid’s gonna love you.” Shiro says. “There’s uh… a lot of stuff over there. You want to help me unwrap?”

“I’m offended you’d even ask.” Keith retorts, already walking towards the pile in the living room as he makes a come hither motion at Shiro. Shiro hates himself for how much it turns him on.

He feels a little silly and embarrassed being presented with so many gifts once they get down to it, but there’s another huge sense of relief that he’s going to have absolutely everything he needs for the baby. He sits in the rocking chair from the nursery that they’ve moved into the living room and opens gifts as Keith hands them to him one by one. 

By the time they’re through, he’s got enough toys and decorations for the nursery to spoil the baby from the first day on. Baby monitors, a white noise machine for infants, some larger clothes, so that while they don’t know how old the baby will be yet, the kid will be able to grow into them. Colleen Holt handstitched a quilt for the crib and Pidge built a spy camera teddy bear to put in the baby’s room, so Shiro can check on it from an app on his phone.

Allura and Lance do a killer job of running the baby games. Shiro wins the race to diaper a baby doll correctly first, wins the swaddling race too, but Keith kicks his ass in the baby food eating contest and Shiro  _ really _ is appalled at himself for being aroused by  _ that _ . 

Eventually, the shower comes to a close and Shiro’s heart flutters when Keith asks if he can hang out for a while when everyone’s gone, offering to help Shiro set up one of the things for the nursery that needs assembling. He has to admit, as guilty as he feels, he’s anxious to be alone with Keith. He has no intention of trying anything at all, but it feels good to be around him. He’s missed this. 

When Shiro finishes thanking and saying goodbye to all of their guests, he seals the front door and takes a deep breath. He has a pretty big mess to clean up, but Keith is standing in his living room looking adorable with his big eager eyes and way too sexy in that clingy senior uniform. 

“I thought we could set up the playpen first.” Keith says, cocking his head towards the big box behind him. “I heard you have trouble with the assembly stuff.”

“I’m… not the best at it.” Shiro sighs, walking up to him and opening up the top of the box. “Are you sure you don’t mind? I’d hate to make you come all the way here just to help me put baby stuff together.”

“Shiro, it’s your kid. I want to help.” Keith shrugs, helping Shiro to unpack the contents of the box. “So how are you holding up? I know you were anxious about the shower.”

“I feel bad about accepting so many gifts, but I’m glad I did this. I want to be as prepared as possible.”

“Sounds like you.” Keith smiles as he lays some miscellaneous screws they’ll need out on the carpet. “I um… I also wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Oh?” Shiro raises his eyebrows and hopes Keith can’t somehow hear how fast his heart is suddenly racing.

“I’m not gonna be able to swing by here much.” Keith grimaces. “I have a really big mission coming up and that’ll also mean less time for calling you.”

Shiro’s heart sinks, but he’s quick to shrug it off. “That’s fine, Keith. It’s your job.”

“I know, but you just got divorced, now you’re having a baby. I feel shitty not being there for you.”

“Keith.” Shiro can’t help but soften. “You’ve saved my life a dozen times. You have no debt to repay, I’ve got this. I love having you around to help, but work comes first. I’ll be just fine.”

“But you’ll tell me as soon as the adoption goes through, yeah?” Keith looks up from the pieces he’s organizing and Shiro melts. His braid has loosened a little during the baby shower games, so some of his hair is free to fall and frame his face. He’s breathtaking and he’s not even trying.

“Of course I will.” Shiro looks down to hide his blush. 

“Because when the baby comes, I’ll drop everything to get over here. I want to meet them and help out when that happens. It’s just… until then.”

“I’d love that, Keith. Don’t worry about me until the baby’s here.”

They work together to build the play pen and Shiro listens as Keith talks about his latest humanitarian effort and the upcoming big mission, trying not to turn bright red every time their hands touch. He’s guilty of moving a little slowly, trying to prolong the task to earn just a few more minutes with Keith, but soon, the play pen is finished and Keith is standing up to leave.

“Oh shoot, before I go, here.” Keith says, digging a folded piece of paper from his back pocket and handing it to him. “Sorry it’s kind of messy and wrinkled. I’m uh… not a great writer, but that’s your character witness letter. It’s a little long.”

“Keith.” Shiro breathes as he skims over the words in the handwritten note. “This is… You didn’t have to be so nice, Jesus.”

“Of course I did, are you crazy?” Keith grins. “You were born to be a dad. They should know all you did for me when I was younger.” He steps forward into Shiro’s arms and hugs him tight, Shiro praying Keith can’t feel his heartbeat as he hugs him back. “I’m always here for you, Shiro. I have to go, but I’ll be right back here when the kid arrives, alright? I’ll call when I can.”

“Thank you, Keith.” Shiro smiles, shutting his eyes as he holds his best friend close. “You don’t know how much it means to me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure you follow me on Twitter so you don't miss important updates on fics like this one! You can also see there what other platform I post chapters on before AO3!
> 
> Twitter : @nuttinonice


	3. And The Sun Rises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A miracle occurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG KSHLJFSLHJF

Shiro really feels the gap when Keith’s mission starts. They catch each other for a phone call now and then, but his heart sinks when he goes to bed without speaking to him. 

He distracts himself with the adoption. The nursery is complete and beautiful, full of toys and children’s books, and Lance and Allura team up with him to baby proof the full quarters. He’s officially ready for any home inspection, so if an adoption comes through, he doesn’t have to worry about scrambling.

It’s the perfect time for him. A few months pass after he gets all the paperwork in and it’s time for the Atlas to take a long residence on Earth. They’ve finished all of their priority missions and now it’ll transition into more of a home base that will occasionally launch. With his living situation stabilized, he has an eye on his phone every day for a possible adoption opportunity.

He’s in the middle of an early microwave dinner - Curtis really had done most of the cooking - when his phone rings with a call from his adoption agent. He nearly chokes on a chicken nugget, scrambling to answer it. 

“Hello?” He clears his throat and swallows. 

“Hi Shiro, are you available to meet a potential mother this evening? She just spoke to us and she’s seven months pregnant, so she’s a little desperate to find a parent. You interested?”

“Yes!” Shiro exclaims. “I-I mean, yes.  _ Yes _ . Super interested. Where should I meet her? When? Should I bring anything, I-”

“Slow down.” His agent laughs. “Just a casual meet up at a diner near to you. You don’t need to bring anything, she just wants to talk, feel you out. How’s six o’clock?”

He glances at the clock on the microwave and gulps. That’s in an hour. “That works fine.” He lies, glancing down at the honey mustard stain on his shirt. He’ll have to clean up quick. 

“Perfect, I’ll text you the address.”

“Thank you.” Shiro breathes. “Seriously, thank you so much.”

“No worries, Shiro. Best of luck.”

They hang up the call and Shiro all of throws his phone onto the couch as he sprints for the bedroom, stripping down and searching for something decent. He gets hit with a quick pang of shame when he throws his closet doors open and is forced to glance at  _ the pillow _ , but he quickly ignores it to grab a dress shirt with a pair of his only clean pants and a belt. 

He doesn’t smell… great after being interrupted mid-chicken nugget chow down, but he spritzes on some cologne and figures it’ll have to do. 

He’s out the door and on his way to the address of the diner as soon as he deems himself ready. He keeps the radio off, the windows up, taking deep breaths as he drives. This could be it. And if it is, he’ll be a dad in two months.

Shiro wonders if it’s a baby boy or girl as he sits at a red light, bouncing the knee that’s not being used for driving. Of course it doesn’t matter, but if he’s adopting a newborn, he might have to make some medical decisions upon the birth and  _ oh shit _ he does not know enough about circumcision yet. He’s uncircumcised himself, but is that the right call for the baby? Jesus, he hasn’t even Googled that yet. Maybe he’s getting a little ahead of himself.

He pulls into the parking lot of the diner five minutes early and tries to calm down. He doesn’t want to scare this mother off and if she’s giving a newborn up for adoption, she’s probably young.

Shiro takes the five minutes to ease his nerves as best he can, then walks inside at six o’clock on the dot. 

It’s a cute place - 50’s themed with a long milkshake menu. At a booth on the left, there’s a young red-haired woman with a swollen stomach and a face full of freckles. “Shiro?” She asks with a wave. “Hi, are you who I’m meeting?” She speaks with a slight southern drawl and Shiro’s eyes light up at the sight of her.

“Hi!” He beams. “I mean, h-hi, yeah that’s me.” Shiro says and he can feel the idiotic smile on his face as he sits down opposite of her in the neon blue plastic booth. The material crunches under him when he sits, but he could care less about whatever the stickiness he just sat in is.  _ This could really be it _ . “It’s so nice to meet you, what’s your name?”

“Sierra.” She laughs. “You sure seem excited.”

“I am.” Shiro blushes. “I-I mean I hope I’m a good fit for you, I just um… The prospect of a newborn is pretty exciting.”

“Is that what you’ve been looking for?”

“I’m open to any kid that needs a home.” Shiro says. “But it’s exciting to get any opportunity like this one. My agent said you’re due in two months?”

“More like one in a half.” She sighs. “Kind of getting down to the wire here. Can I ask what you do for a living?”

“I’m an astronaut with the Galaxy Garrison. I captain The Atlas.” Shiro answers with pride. Saying that title out loud still makes his chest warm. “But we’re stationed here on Earth, so the baby would have a stable home, not a lot of actual moving around. There’s even a small school on the ship.”

“That’s pretty cool.” She grins. “Any experience with kids?”

“Not a ton, but I was a mentor for cadets for a long time, always did a lot of leadership. I’ve wanted to be a dad for a really long time, we even baby proofed the quarters already, built the baby’s room.”

“Who’s we?”

“Me and my friends.” Shiro blushes a little. Feels silly to have done that with his friends, but it’s not like they’re not going to have a role in the baby’s life. “Two of them are probably who the God parents would be. They’re really close to me.”

The girl cocks her head to the side. “So I was told that you’re a single dad, but is there any prospect of a wife soon? I’m okay with a single parent if they’re responsible like you seem to be, but I’d like for there to be a second parent eventually.”

“Oh.” Shiro feels his face go from pink to red, his heart catching in his throat a little. “Um, I do hope to get married again one day, but right now my focus is really on just being a good dad.”

“You were married before?”

“Divorced, yeah.” Shiro hates how ashamed he feels when he says it. “We just weren’t working out, but I didn’t want that to keep me from starting a family, so here I am.”

“Are things peaceful with your ex-wife? No craziness?”

“Ex-husband actually.” Shiro swallows. “I-I’m gay, so if I get remarried that’ll… also be a man.” He watches her face fall and feels his heart sink. He feels like maybe he should’ve lied, but he wouldn’t want to get approved for adoption under false pretenses and then have the rug ripped out from under him if he was exposed. His internet history alone is, well… pretty damning. “Is that a problem?”

“I’m afraid so.” Sierra presses her lips into her flat line. “I’m a Christian. It’s why I’m carrying this pregnancy to term, so to compromise my beliefs at the very end by letting you adopt would just… I’m sorry, Shiro. I’m gonna have to find other candidates.”

Shiro stares at her, silent and wide eyed as she picks up her purse and stands. “Wait, that’s it?” He’s gonna lose an adoption because he’s gay? He’s single, it shouldn’t even matter and even if he wasn’t, he’d still be a great dad regardless of who he loves. 

He doesn’t say anything when she leaves, too shocked to open his mouth. If it’s over, it’s over. No lecture or scolding will make that girl less homophobic, but his heart aches regardless as he sits at the booth alone. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up for just an initial meeting, but fuck, he really did. He’s crushed. 

He leaves the diner once he’s sure he won’t run into the mother in the parking lot and gets in his car with his eyes watering, praying this will be one of the days where he can talk to Keith. Their calls are sparse lately and damn if it hasn’t been leaving a hole in Shiro’s chest.

He holds it in as he drives back to the Atlas, sniffling a little and feeling embarrassed about it as he has to keep blinking back tears. Next time, he’s not going to get his hopes up at all until he’s further in the process. It’s stupid to be crushed about a child that was nowhere near his yet.

He manages to make his way back to his quarters without being seen and shuts himself in the bedroom to grab the data pad and pray it’s one of the few moments Keith is available.

“Shiro?” Keith answers after a single ring and Shiro’s eyes light up. It’s the first time he’s seen Keith back in his quarters in a long time. “Hey buddy, you caught me at a good time. We’re traveling right now, what’s up?”

“Hey Keith.” Shiro smiles even though he knows Keith can see he’s tearing up. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Um…” Shiro sniffs and shrugs his shoulders. “It’s stupid. I’m overreacting and it’s silly, just-”

“Shiro.” Keith raises an eyebrow. “If it made  _ you _ cry, it’s not silly. Talk to me.”

“There was a potential mother. I went to meet her and it was going well until I said I was gay. She won’t give the baby to a gay couple, or a gay… person, I guess.” Shiro feels his eyes well up again. “It was just so dumb to get my hopes up. I didn’t know anything about her going in other than she was close to her due date, but I just got so excited and then it didn’t work out. I hate waiting on this.”

“Shit Shiro, that’s really heavy. I mean you didn’t just lose an adoption either, you also had to deal with some homophobic shithead. I’m really sorry.” Keith’s eyes are soft and kind as always, but it’s not as soothing to Shiro as it usually is. His heart swells at the sight of him and the following pang of guilt pushes his tears over the edge.

“Sorry I’m always bothering you with my shit.” Shiro croaks, blinking the tears back, but not as quick as they’re coming. 

“You could never bother me.” Keith says with concern. “Are you okay? I can stay and talk  awhile right now. Do you want to stick around and catch up?”

Shiro gives a weak nod and hates how his heart flutters at the mere aspect of Keith wanting to spend more time with him. He misses Keith so much it hurts. He just wants a hug from his best friend. He wants the comforting scent of his hair, the simple pleasure of a kiss he never got. His heart tears in two at the thought of the mess he’s made. “Please stay.” Is all he manages to say. “I… I-I need you for a little bit.”

“I’m right here, Shiro. Don’t worry about a thing.”

They talk for longer than they have in weeks. Shiro vents about the lost adoption, the frustration of the wait, then they both start talking about feeling lonely. Shiro’s reason is obvious. He went from having a husband to an empty home, a nursery with no child to occupy it. But Keith surprises him. 

“I just…” Keith sighs in frustration, picking at loose hairs in his braid. “I love the work we’re doing so much, you know? I really, really do, but everyone is so different from me. I miss being around you. A-And the paladins and Coran and stuff, like um… you know, all you guys.” Keith blushes. “I’m actually pretty homesick.”

“Really?” Shiro’s face warms. “I know you’re on a long mission now, but you could always take a break if you wanted to. There’s plenty of work for you around here and uh… I have a lot of space.” He laughs, trying not to get too attached to the idea of Keith coming back to visit any time soon. 

“Well…” Keith bites his lip and Shiro swears he’s blushing, but he shakes the thought away. Keith’s not being romantic, he’s just showing a little emotion. “Shiro, there’s something I’ve been thinking really hard about.”

Shiro’s heart stops cold in his chest then starts pounding a mile a minute. “What is it?” He swallows. “You can tell me anything.”

“I know I can.” Keith smiles. “What would you think about a Blades headquarters on Earth? Joint missions with the Atlas, combining resources, sharing intel. We’re trying to establish bases all around the universe with a couple major headquarters that’ll be the main centers of operation. I um… I would be in charge of the Earth one.”

Shiro has to be dreaming. Keith back on Earth?  _ Working together again? _ It’s like a fantasy. If he wasn’t so out of tears from venting earlier, he could cry again. “Keith, that’s… That’s a great idea. I love it, yeah.”

“Really?” Keith’s smile widens. “I just,  _ God _ , I’m living off of space goo out here. I’d really like to have a permanent place to live without having to give up the work I’m doing with the Blades, so um… Yeah, if you can get the Atlas team on board, I think we could make it happen. The infrastructure is already there, we would just take over the old Garrison astronomy building. Shit’s huge, but doesn’t get used since they installed the observatory last year and it’s right next to where the Atlas is stationed.”

“I’ll pitch it at a team meeting tomorrow.” Shiro beams, his heart soaring a mile high as he looks at Keith’s image on the screen. “Keith, that’d be awesome.”

“Yeah, well… It’d be good to see you more. I miss home a bit.”

“You always have a home with me, Keith.” Shiro says and means it. Romantic feelings aside, if Keith is missing Earth and wants to come back, Shiro’s here for him. He has enough self control to handle it. “I’ll let you know what everyone says tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Shiro.” Keith yawns. “I think I’ve gotta sleep, but are you okay and everything?”

“I’m great.” Shiro smiles, watching the cute way Keith stretches his arms out. “Get some rest, Keith. Call me when you can.”

“Will do, Captain.” Keith says with a sleepy wave goodbye. “G’night”

**

Shiro doesn’t know why he’s sweating buckets when he goes to propose Keith’s idea at the team meeting. It’s a perfectly good idea. A great one in fact. The Blades have grown into a powerful organization whose allyship is greatly valued by the Garrison - even if seeing Keith is what he really cares about. 

“So, um…” Shiro clears his throat as he stands at the head of the conference table, the paladins, MFEs, and other crew members seated around it. “I have an important proposal to make regarding the Blades of Marmora.”

“The Blades?” Lance raises an eyebrow. “And Keith isn’t here to deliver it?”

“Well, it’s his proposal, he walked me through it last night.” Shiro swallows. “The Blades want to establish a new headquarters on Earth. It would be one of many, but would serve as one of their primary bases of operation. Keith Kogane would lead the transition, operate the headquarters, and we would create a powerful collaboration with the Blades and the Atlas, sharing intel, resources, and running joint missions.”

Lance wolf whistles and Shiro sighs. 

“It would be an advantageous relationship for both the Atlas team and the Garrison.” Shiro says after a deep breath. “What do we all think?”

“Go for it, Shiro.” Pidge grins, already wiggling her eyebrows.

“This is not about my personal friendship with Keith.” Shiro groans, dropping his laser pointer on the desk. “Look, everyone’s feelings aside, do we all think this is a good idea?” He looks around at the room full of nods and suppresses a smile. “Good. I’ll contact Keith later today and let him know the Blades are welcome to come and start setting up as soon as they see fit.”

The room erupts into murmurs again and Shiro rolls his eyes, grabbing his laser pointer again to move on to the rest of the meeting. “Let’s talk future missions.”

He’s pretty sure he blushes for the rest of the meeting, but he shrugs it off. His mind is preoccupied with the thought of Keith living on Earth again, getting to see him every day, getting to have him involved in his child’s life as soon as they arrive. It makes his heart warm. God, with all he’s been through lately and crush aside, he just really needs his best friend again. 

When the meeting wraps up, Shiro hurries back to his quarters, eager to call and tell Keith the good news. He’s ready to start running, he’s so excited, when his phone buzzes in his pocket. Huh. Keith can’t call his cell phone from where he’s at, so…

Shiro pulls the phone from his pocket and frowns at the sight of his adoption agent’’s number. What could it be now? He already got rejected. “Hello?” He answers as he steps into his quarters and shuts the door behind him with a  _ swoosh _ . 

“Shiro! Can you be at the hospital in… now? Like could you leave right now?”

“...What?”

“A baby was abandoned, just over at the regional hospital, dropped off in a basket and everything. She needs a home.”

“Are you serious?” Shiro’s heart is pounding. An orphan. There’s no parent he has to impress or to deny him custody for his sexuality, it’s just a baby that needs a home and  _ God _ , does he have a home to give. “I-I’ll come right away. How old are they?”

“It’s a one year old girl, Japanese, healthy.”

“Japanese?” Shiro’s eyes light up. A child whose culture he shares, holy shit. He’d been open to a child of any race, ethnicity, or even species for that matter, what with all the aliens living on Earth now, but he can’t deny how his chest swells at the thought of being able to teach a child so well about her heritage. He races to grab his wallet and car keys, grabbing the data pad from the kitchen counter to send out a quick mass email that he’ll be unavailable for the next few hours. “Where in the hospital should I go?”

“I’ll call them and let them know you’re on your way. Go to pediatrics, they’ll be expecting you.”

“I’ll be right there.”

“Bring your file with you.”

“Got it.” Shiro says, practically sprinting to grab it from the bedroom. “Leaving now.”

“Good luck again! Let’s hope for a better outcome this time around, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Shiro beams as he heads for the door. 

His daughter could be a fifteen minute drive away.

**

Shiro makes it to the hospital in record time, jogging into the pediatrics unit with his file clutched to his chest like some sort of lifeline when he approaches reception. “H-Hi, I’m Takashi Shirogane. The adoption agency sent me.”

“Oh, Takashi! Great!” The nurse beams. Her scrubs are pink with little teddy bears on them and Shiro’s heart warms a bit when she jumps out of her seat. “Come right this way. She’s an absolute angel, you’re just going to fall in love. I can’t believe anyone would abandon such a beautiful baby like that. You’re one lucky guy if you’re the one the agency picked for her.” She says as she leads him away from the desk, through a pair of double doors towards a nursery. 

“Right in here.” The nurse smiles, holding the door open for Shiro to reveal a room full of a few babies and caretakers looking after them. There’s cribs, a play pen, a nursing station. It only takes Shiro a moment to see the child he’s here for. “Jennie, this is Shiro. He’s here from the adoption agency.”

A red haired nurse looks up with a grin, bouncing a two year old girl with soft black hair and the chubbiest cheeks Shiro has ever seen in her arms. “She’s the most well behaved little gal we’ve ever seen in here. You’re the foster parent from the agency?”

“Yeah.” Shiro grins. “I mean, I-I’ll adopt her permanently as soon as I’m allowed to, but… yeah.” He takes a deep breath. They sent me for her. 

“Well come meet her then.” She smiles, walking up to him. The other nurse takes the file from Shiro’s hands and he holds his arms out, heart racing as the baby is placed in his hold. 

“Wow.” Shiro breathes, his eyes going wide and teary as he looks down at her. She’s perfect. She looks so much like he did when he was a baby with his old black hair and she’s so light, Shiro’s afraid she might fly away. Tan little cheeks that are just begging to be kissed as she gurgles and fusses a little bit in his arms. Okay, he is definitely going to cry. “She’s precious.” Shiro laughs through his tears, holding her gently against his chest and bouncing up and down to soothe her. “Does she have a name?”

“No identifying information could be found.” The nurse in the teddy bear scrubs shakes her head. “It’ll be up to you.”

“Hana.” Shiro says quickly. It’s the name he’d thought of long ago, should he get to name a baby girl. “One n.”

“Sounds beautiful.” The same nurse replies. “Shiro, I’m going to take your file for a quick review and then we’re going to bring you some paperwork to get this little gal home, alright? Did you come with a car seat?”

“Yes I did.” Shiro smiles. “Can I um… Can I stay with her while you do all that?”

“Of course. Feel free to take the rocking chair.” She says before taking his paperwork and leaving.

Shiro’s head is spinning when he retreats to the corner of the room and sits down with the child in his arms. “You’ve had a pretty hectic day haven’t you, little lady?” Shiro laughs as she grabs onto his index finger. “We’re gonna get you home so soon. I have a bed all made up for you with lots of toys and all kinds of stuff just for you.” He bends down to kiss her tiny forehead and the giggle she lets out sounds like heaven.  _ Please God, let this work out _ , Shiro begs as he holds her close and waits for the nurses to return. He’s pre-approved with all the inspections and background checks the agency did, but he can’t shake the feeling that with his luck, something will fall through. He has to be the luckiest guy in the world to even be considered for the role of being this little angel’s dad. He can’t bring himself to stop sniveling as he holds her, afraid she’ll be taken away at any moment.

“Takashi?” The nurse steps back into the room with a clipboard and a pen, his file tucked under her arm. “We have some paperwork to for you to fill out and then you should be good to go. Your home will be inspected tomorrow, so if there’s any last minute baby proofing you need to do, get it done by tonight.”

“I can really take her home?” Shiro beams. 

“Yup. I’ll take her from you for a moment so you can fill everything out, but I’ll keep her close.” She says when Shiro reluctantly hands the baby over. She places her down in a crib right next to Shiro, which he appreciates as he tries to make his way through the paperwork as fast as possible.

It’s no easy task. Hana stands herself up in the crib, holding onto the bars, and gurgles at him the whole time. 

“One second, Cutie.” Shiro smiles her way as he signs another form. “We’re gonna get you home in no time.”

It feels absolutely unreal when he finishes the forms on the clipboard and hands them back to the nurse, quickly standing, so he can scoop Hana back into his arms again. He doesn’t want to let go. Even to take her home, he just wants to keep her in his arms. 

“Could you take a picture of us before I go?” Shiro asks one of the nurses in the room when she doesn’t look too busy. “I just… I mean, just because she was a last minute surprise, I don’t want to leave any memories behind.”

She takes his phone from him and stands back to take a picture. Shiro’s smiling so wide, his cheeks hurt and Hana settles down in his embrace like she’s posing for it. When the nurse hands it back to him, the picture’s beautiful. 

He sends it to the whole Atlas staff.

**

Shiro spends twenty minutes getting Hana in the car. She’s perfectly calm, practically an angel as Shiro straps her in, but he won’t rest until he’s secured the seat every which way and he’s  _ positive _ she’ll be safe. He wishes he hadn’t come to the hospital alone, so someone else could drive and he could sit in front, but he takes a deep breath and kisses the top of her head, laughing when she tries to grab his nose. “You’ll be home in just a few minutes, Sweet Pea.” He coos, finally pulling himself away to get behind the wheel. His phone is blowing up, but he ignores it while he drives.  

He’s still tearing up when he makes it back to the Atlas, cradling Hana in his arms and cooing to her. Allura and Lance are the first ones to ambush him when he steps on board. 

“You leave a meeting and you come back with a  _ baby _ ?!” Lance gapes as he looks at the infant in Shiro’s embrace.

“Oh Shiro, she’s so beautiful.” Allura gushes beside him. “Does she have a name? How did this happen so quickly?”

“I guess I’m lucky after all.” Shiro shrugs, a stupid grin still plastered on his face as she squirms around. He holds her against his chest instead to keep her steady. “She was abandoned. I have no clue what kind of monster would give her up, but the hospital called the agency and the agency sent me. I have an inspection tomorrow to get the final approval on being a foster parent and then, with some time, I can adopt her.” He peppers her soft hair with kisses. “I’ll catch up with you guys later. I’ve gotta call Keith.”

“Go on.” Allura says with a soft smile. “I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.”

“Yeah.” Shiro grins, holding Hana to his chest, so he can wave goodbye as he walks away. His heart has never been lighter. He’s a dad. Holding the baby in his arms feels like everything he’s ever dreamed of and to top it all off, his best friend is coming home. They’ll be working together and Keith can be a part of Hana’s life. Romantic fantasies aside, he’ll be a great influence on her. 

He has a million things to do to make Hana feel at home, but when he shuts himself in the captain’s quarters, the first thing he does is grab the data pad to call Keith.

“Hey Shiro, what’s up?”

“You’re never gonna believe it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading this, I really am sorry for the wait, but the good news chp. 4 is already written now! So I'll be posting that here on AO3 in about a week. 
> 
> Remember to follow me on Twitter @nuttinonice, there you can find info on how to access chapters of this fic up to a week early! I'll be posting chp. 4 on another platform tomorrow.
> 
> Your comments and kudos really help keep me motivated to continue writing! Let me know what you think and uhh let's say that the next chapter... shit's gonna really start picking up lol


	4. Behind Closed Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I hope you guys are enjoying this!!

Shiro feels like he’s dreaming over the next seven days. He passes his home inspection with flying colors and Keith will be coming at the end of the week.  _ Permanently _ . He’ll even be living on the Atlas and Shiro swears this can’t be real. The healthy baby girl in his arms is too good to be true. His best friend coming back into his life on an everyday basis? It’s just the cherry on top. 

Sure, he’s exhausted. He’s a single dad now, so if Hana is hungry at two a.m., Shiro’s up at two a.m. If she needs a diaper change at three and starts crying again at five and Shiro has a meeting at seven, he’s up for all of it and he takes Hana into the conference room strapped to his chest in a baby bjorn. 

Shiro’s fairly confident in his ability to maintain work and parenthood. Everyone is flexible with him stepping out to change the occasional diaper and Hana’s surprisingly well behaved. She seems to love people, but Shiro’s more concerned about his crew’s ability to work around her. He can barely get through a sentence without people ooh’ing and aw’ing and the little bundle of joy, but he can’t blame them. She’s precious and his chest swells with pride whenever people stop him just to say hi to the baby. 

He’s on top of the stress, although still ashamed of his means of doing so. When Hana goes down for a nap, he still finds himself reaching for the vibrator in the nightstand and the pillow in his closet to bring himself to a guilty orgasm. He just can’t stop thinking about seeing Keith again. The way he’d looked at the baby shower had nearly knocked Shiro off his feet and now he was going to be seeing him  _ every day _ . He keeps thinking about Keith in that tight Blades uniform and how badly he wants to peel him out of it - although he still can’t decide if he wants to lay Keith out and fuck the life out of him or crawl into his lap and ride his daylights out quite yet. He likes to imagine both. Both is good.

The day before Keith comes, Shiro gets a call about Hana’s parents. His blood runs cold for a minute until they tell him a judge ruled them unfit and his custody is safe for the time being. His stomach continues to hurt about the possibility of them trying to get her back, but he pushes the thought aside. No one would be able to convince a judge that his home isn’t the place for her and he’s going to adopt permanently as soon as they let him.

On the day of Keith’s arrival, Shiro knows he looks like shit. The baby cried all through the night and spit up on the dress shirt he was going to wear, so he resigns to a white button down that’s too tight as he spoon feeds her in the high chair. “You really put me through the wringer today, Kiddo.” Shiro says, but he’s still smiling. Hana’s finally in a good mood and giggling around every bite of mashed peas he gives her. Tired as he is, she’s just the most adorable baby on the planet and he’s already too smitten to ever feel frustrated.  

“You’re a messy one today.” Shiro smiles when he wipes her face off and scoops her up out of the high chair. She’s in a little pink dress that makes Shiro’s heart melt as he bounces her a little in his arms and kisses each cheek. “We should head down to the landing pad, ladybug. Keith’s gonna be here soon and he’s gonna want to meet you.”

She gurgles in response, as if asking a question, and Shiro just about swoons.

“Keith is Daddy’s best friend. He’s gonna help take care of you and teach you all about the kinds of people across the universe.” Shiro says as he carries her back to the nursery and puts a pair of booties on her little feet. “He’s part Galra. You’ll get to meet his mom one day too and you can learn all about them.” He picks her up again and smacks an extra kiss to the top of her head as he toes his own shoes on and heads out the door. It felt silly talking to her like this the first few days, but it’s good for their bond and for her speech development, so he keeps it up, murmuring to her as he gets her ready and carries her out of the quarters.

Everyone grins and waves at them as he passes and Shiro holds up Hana’s little hand to wave back at them. It makes her giggle and Shiro can’t help but pepper her in kisses every time she does it. 

When they get to the landing pad, Shiro puts some noise cancelling headphones over her ears and feels his heart thump as the gates open for Keith’s ship. 

It’s a small black pod, perfect for just one passenger. It lands in front of them with just enough force to blow Shiro’s hair back before the gates shut again and the pod door opens. 

Of course he’s in uniform. Keith hops out in his full senior Blades regalia, hair braided, a black duffel bag slung over his shoulder. His eyes light up yellow the moment he glances over and sees Shiro, his new daughter fussing in his arms from all the stimulation going on. “Shiro!” He beams, running up to the two of them and gaping at baby Hana. “Holy  _ shit _ , she’s even cuter in real life.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty perfect.” Shiro grins with pride as Hana reaches out to try and grab Keith’s nose. “Your quarters aren’t ready yet, so you can crash in mine tonight. I have plenty of space.”

“Sounds good.” Keith smiles and Shiro’s heart thumps so hard he fears Keith will hear it. “Can I hold her?”

“Sure.” Shiro laughs, carefully handing her over into Keith’s arms as they turn and start walking back to his quarters. 

“Does she talk yet?”

“Not yet. She’s old enough to start saying a few words though, so I’ve been trying to coax her into ‘da da’ but it’s not taking yet. All she’s been through though, the doctors said she might have some minor developmental delays. She was a little malnourished when she was brought in, but now she’s bouncing back really well.”

“Aw.” Keith pouts, booping her little nose. “You’ll talk when you’re ready, little lady.”

They walk together to his quarters and Shiro takes Keith’s bag from him to set it in the bedroom. 

“Wait, whoa, where am I sleeping?” Keith blinks.

“The bedroom?” Shiro shrugs. “Hana sleeps in the nursery, I can take the couch.”

“Shiro.” Keith rolls his eyes and takes his bag back, shifting Hana into Shiro’s arms again. “I am not taking your bed. The couch is fine.” He drops the duffel bag to the floor and flops back on the couch for emphasis, legs spread wide as he kicks one over the armrest and one over the back of the sofa. Shiro’s going to have a heart attack. “It’s cozy enough right here.”

Those Blades uniforms really leave nothing to the imagination. Shiro blushes as he takes the headphones off of Hana’s ears and gives her a kiss on the head. “If you want to. There’s no guest bathroom though, so just come through my room whenever you need.”

“Gotcha.” Keith says as he stretches his arms out and arches his back.  _ Jesus _ . “Man, that was a long ride here. What’s the plan for today?”

“Well, I’ve got a jogging stroller I’ve been dying to use. I thought we could maybe take Hana to the park?”

“You’re such a dad already.” Keith muses, sitting back up and flicking his braid back over his shoulder. It shouldn’t be legal for someone to look so beautiful doing something so casual, Shiro thinks as he shuts his eyes a moment to fight an  _ extremely _ ill-timed boner. “You good?”

“Hm?” Shiro blinks. “Yeah, yeah, just trying to remember if I need to feed Hana or not before we go. I’m gonna give her a snack.” He fed her exactly two hours ago, but whatever, a little mashed up banana to cover his tracks won’t hurt. 

They make small talk in the kitchen while Shiro feeds Hana and he swears he catches Keith glancing at his chest a few times, but he chalks it up to wishful thinking. That or Keith has just noticed he’s wearing a shirt two sizes too small. He’s got a button threatening to pop any minute. 

When Hana’s thoroughly “full”, he grabs her diaper bag to throw in the car and Keith gets the stroller from the closet. 

It feels unbearably coupley when they work together to wrestle the stroller into the trunk of Shiro’s car, or when Keith helps him strap Hana into their car seat. Their hands touching over the seatbelt of a rambunctious one year old shouldn’t make Shiro’s heart skip like it does, but he tries to get a handle on himself as they drive to the park. Keith keeps yawning in the passenger seat and he hates how cute it is. He’s not gonna survive the day. 

At the park, they set up the stroller together and set Hana inside to walk her around the place. It’s a great day outside, warm and sunny, little kids running all over the place. Shiro can’t help but notice all the other happy families though. Heterosexual parents, two of them. He hopes Hana isn’t going to have a deficit because of his marital status. 

“What’s got you all quiet?” Keith asks as they walk, toying with the end of his braid to keep his hands busy. 

“I don’t know, I just… Do you think Hana’s going to lose out on anything because I’m a single parent?”

“What makes you say that?” 

Shiro just shrugs and cocks his head towards the playground.

“Don’t let that bother you.” Keith says, stopping to put his hand on Shiro’s shoulder. “Look at me.”

Shiro meets his purple eyes and can already feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. 

“I’m around now. You have Lance and Allura, the Holts. We’re all here to help you raise Hana. It doesn’t matter if you have a husband or not.”

Shiro softens at his touch and takes a deep breath as Keith retracts his hand and they resume their walk. “You’re right, I’m just worried. I want her to have every advantage, you know?”

“She will, Shiro. She’s your kid.”

They walk until they reach the frozen lemonade stand and stop for a snack, sitting down on a park bench and taking turns feeding tiny spoonfuls of the treat to Hana, who giggles after each bite. 

“Alright Kiddo, come on.” Keith says, holding Hana up by the arm pits in front of himself. “Vrepit…  _ sa _ .”

“Stop trying to teach my baby Galra battle cries.”

“She won’t really say it, but it’d be pretty funny.” Keith laughs, turning back to Hana and touching the tip of her nose. “Come on, baby. Vrepit sa.”

“Vuh… Vuh rep…” Hana babbles and Shiro drops his spoon. 

“Keith, I swear to God-”

“Vrepit sa!” Hana cries out and Keith howls, handing her back to Shiro so he can fall off the park bench and cackle on the grass. 

“I swear to God, I didn’t think she’d actually say it!” Keith gasps for air between laughs. “Oh my God, your kid’s first words were vrepit sa. Holy  _ shit _ .”

“Shit!” Hana repeats and Shiro cracks a smile too. 

“Keith, I thought you came down here to be a  _ good _ influence on my kid.” He chuckles as he kisses Hana’s forehead and cradles her. It may not have been da da, but he can’t deny the happy feeling of hearing her form a word for the first time. 

“Oh my God.” Keith breathes as he heaves himself up onto the bench again. “I’m sorry, but that was… That was the most hilarious thing that’s ever happened in the history of the universe. Your one year old swears now.”

“You’re the worst.” Shiro teases, giving Keith a light punch in the arm before he nuzzles his nose against Hana’s hair and peppers her face in little kisses. “Suddenly found your voice, huh ladybug? Decided you’d rather listen to Keith than Daddy?”

She babbles in response and Shiro gives her a light squeeze. 

“You’re so far gone for her.”

“How could I not be?” Shiro grins as Hana grabs onto his index finger and pulls at it. “I just wish I could’ve had her from the start. For the memories and all that.” Whatever words she might be saying, he’s just relieved that she’s talking.

“Oh!” Keith’s eyes light up. “Speaking of. Hold on.” He reaches for something in his back pocket and yanks out a thin leather cord with a green crystal at the center. “I brought you something.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a crystal from the planet I was stationed on last. You always loved collecting little things from the planets we visited, so I thought you might like it.”

“Wow.” Shiro blinks at the crystal. It’s beautiful. Keith saw that and thought of him?

“Here.” Keith stands up and walks around to behind the bench, draping the cord over Shiro’s neck and tying a knot in the back, so it can hang like a necklace. “Green’s always been a good color for you anyways.”

“Thanks, Keith.” Shiro grins, bringing his hand up to squeeze the crystal. It’s warm. “I love it.”

“Yeah, I um…”

Shiro glances up and feels his heart skip a beat. Keith is blushing. 

“I just thought maybe-”

“Oh my  _ gosh _ , what a precious angel!” A passing woman stops and gushes at the sight of Hana, cutting Keith off before he can finish the thought. 

“Oh!” Shiro turns back around, startled and holds Hana a little closer. “Um, yeah.” He laughs. “She’s a little over a year old.”

“She’s precious.” The woman pouts. “You two are a lucky couple.”

Shiro’s blushing again. “O-Oh we’re not… He’s not…”

“Have a great day, you three!”

“Did she think…?” Keith laughs a little as she walks away. “That’s cute.” 

“Do we look like we’re-”

“We should get going.” Keith says, cocking his head towards the trail back to the car. “I think our little Galra warrior’s falling asleep.”

Shiro glances down at the dozing infant in his arms and nods in agreement. “I can not believe you made my child’s first words vrepit fucking sa.”

**

They spend the rest of the day inside, ordering in food and playing with Hana. Shiro has to admit he’s beyond smitten with the way Keith acts around his daughter. He’s great with her. She giggles at all his silly faces and when he blows raspberries on her tummy. For someone who supposedly “doesn’t know what to do with kids,” Keith is a natural and it warms Shiro’s heart. 

When Hana goes down to sleep, Keith hops in the shower while Shiro lays in bed, playing idly on his phone. Keith is jet lagged and he’s a little worn out himself, so he’ll probably be pretty early to bed too. He’s about to get up to change into his pajamas when Keith emerges from the bathroom and every drop of blood in his body suddenly rushes to between his legs. 

“Hey, you got any clothes I can borrow?” Keith asks, a towel hanging dangerously low on his hips, unbraided soaked hair hanging long over his shoulder. Why the fuck are they astronauts? Keith should be a model. “I figured I’d need to buy everything all over again, so I didn’t bring much. 

“U-Um, yeah, I have stuff.” Shiro stammers, sliding out of bed to go to his closet - wait. No. The fucking pillow is in there. He changes course and pulls open the top drawer of his dresser, taking out a big t-shirt and a pair of shorts to hand to Keith. “It might be a little big.”

“I don’t mind. I’ll be cozy.” Keith says, dropping the towel and taking the clothes from Shiro. 

Shiro blames the shock of the moment, but he can’t help it. His eyes dart down immediately and holy  _ shit _ , it’s the best look he’s ever gotten at Keith’s dick. He’s perfectly waxed and pink, thick how Shiro likes and by the time he comes to his senses and looks back up, Keith is grinning at him. 

“Been a while for you, huh?” Keith teases, slipping into the t-shirt and stepping into the shorts. “You’ve seen it before you know.”

“You surprised me.” Shiro rolls his eyes, but his heart is still hammering. “Do you need anything before you go to bed?”

“Nah, my whole clock is off.” Keith crinkles his nose and picks the towel up to rub it over his hair. “I’m gonna go knock out.”

“O-Okay.” Shiro nods, face still red. “I have the baby monitor in here, so don’t worry about getting me if you hear Hana. Sorry if she keeps you up.”

“Don’t worry about it. I love that kid.” Keith smiles, slinging the towel over his shoulder as he heads for the living room. “Night, Shiro.

“Goodnight.” Shiro swallows when Keith leaves and shuts the door.

Lord help him.

*** * * ***

When Keith collapses on Shiro’s couch, his head is spinning. That was by far the most chaotically horny stunt he’s pulled yet. A  _ towel drop? _ What is he, a frat boy? 

He settles in under the blankets that Shiro laid out for him and stares up at the ceiling like the metal will tell him what to do. He feels guilty. His feelings for Shiro go all the way back to the day he stole Shiro’s car. When he got married, he spent days sobbing, puking his guts out until he found the strength to go to the wedding. Shiro doesn’t even know about that. He doesn’t know about a lot of things. 

He’s not  _ actively _ trying to seduce Shiro now. He knows the divorce is fresh and now he’s focusing on the baby, but he can’t help but feel that this is his last chance. 

He thought they would get together after he saved Shiro’s life, but it was too much all at once. Shiro was traumatized and had to get used to a whole new body. Keith doesn’t blame him for not returning the ‘I love you,’ although he knows he’ll be hurt if he finds out Shiro remembers it and never brought it up. It was when they parted ways that broke his heart though. Sure, the Blades was the opportunity of a lifetime, but he really truly expected Shiro to stop him. He expected them to  _ talk _ before he left at the very least. Acknowledge the ‘i love you’ and talk things through. They didn’t.

In the end, Keith settled for staying his best friend. As painful as it had been not to be loved back, it paled in comparison to losing him all together. Their video calls were the highlight of his day and he already feels better just being close to him again, but his feelings have been full swing again since the divorce. Seeing him with the kid? Jesus Christ, he’s only human. Shiro is still just as adorable and dorky and painfully handsome as he’s always been and he’s falling all over again. His mom would kill him for throwing away all that progress he made on getting over him, even sleeping around a little while he was away, but sex with other people only ever made him think of how it would be with Shiro. Would it be the same? Better? 

This can’t be like before though. He won’t come to Shiro. He already told him he loved him and Shiro already let him walk away. Now he’s back. Keith isn’t saying those words to him again unless Shiro hears them first. 

If there’s anything his reckless little towel experiment taught him though it’s that he’s not a total idiot for thinking there’s still a chance. He’d have to be blind to miss the way Shiro reacted to seeing him naked and honestly? It was a bit of a confidence boost. Not to mention the way he’d blushed when Shiro gave him that necklace. It wasn’t an intentionally romantic gesture, but Keith would be a liar if he said it didn’t feel like one in the moment.

He’ll just have to keep feeling things out. He won’t do anything that could damage their friendship, but if Shiro wants him, by God, Keith won’t say no if he asks. 

He rolls onto his side and closes his eyes to try and sleep when he hears it. It’s easy to mistake as white noise, but it’s not consistent. It’s pulsing. He’s been alone in space for long enough to know what a vibrator sounds like. Is Shiro really…?

Keith feels his face warm as he quietly slips out from beneath the borrowed blankets and slinks up to Shiro’s bedroom door. He should not be doing this. It’s a violation in every way, but fuck, he’s curious. He presses his ear to the door and shuts his eyes, listening to the rhythm of the vibrations. Shiro’s taking it slow. Then he hears the sound of a mattress squeaking. It’s quiet, the vibrations still on low, like he’s trying to be quiet, trying not to get caught. 

Keith shivers, shutting his eyes and trying to picture exactly what’s happening. Shiro’s gotta be fucking himself, but what’s the squeaking? Maybe he’s grinding on something? The thought occurs  _ briefly _ that he should retreat, but then he hears something else. 

“ _ Fuck. _ ”

It’s a hushed moan, quiet like Shiro’s trying so hard to keep it in, but it makes Keith heart stop in an instant. He’s heard Shiro masturbate one time before, when their rooms were next to each other in the Castle of Lions and the walls were thin. He sounded just like this. 

Keith bites his lip as he listens and slides his hand into the shorts Shiro lent him. God, it really doesn’t help that the shirt he’s wearing smells just like him. He hears the vibrations turn up and the mattress squeaking gets a little louder as he wraps a hand around his cock and shivers when he strokes it. Jesus, he could come in seconds from listening to Shiro like this, just picturing him getting desperate, fucking himself harder. 

Christ, is Shiro a bottom too or is this just the best way to get off? Keith doesn’t mind topping if it’s Shiro he’s fucking. The thought puts an image in his mind that makes him leak pre into his fist and speed up his own motions. 

It feels so dirty like this. Jerking off right outside his best friend’s door, listening to him do the same, but Shiro has no idea he’s there. He shouldn’t be doing this, he  _ knows _ it’s a violation of the huge amount of trust they have with each other, but part of him also thinks Shiro’s put him through enough heartache that he shouldn’t feel so bad. When he hears Shiro punch out another quieted moan, he nearly comes. 

When the vibrations kick up another notch, Keith knows he must be finishing soon and twists his hand around his cock, guiding himself right up to the edge of orgasm until he hears something that stops him in his tracks. 

It’s just a quiet whine at first, but it’s only a second before Hana’s fully crying and Keith scrambles away from the bedroom door and back under the blankets on the sofa. 

Shiro’s quick. Keith hears the vibrations stop and the sink running in the master bathroom before he watches him step out of the bedroom in a robe that hangs obscenely open on his chest. 

“Sorry, did she wake you?” Shiro frowns when he glances over. 

“Uh, yeah, but it’s fine.” Keith shrugs. “She okay?”

“Yeah, she probably just needs a diaper change.” Shiro says as he walks past towards the nursery, Keith eyeing his ass as he goes. Shiro may have washed his hands, but he can’t stop thinking about how his ass is probably still lubed, how his cock must still be half-hard. 

It makes him shiver, but he feels guilty enough to push the thoughts out of his head and try to go back to sleep as he listens to Shiro sing Hana back to sleep. He’s still hard, but it goes down the longer he listens to Shiro being the best dad on Earth. 

Ugh, he’s being selfish. Sure, Shiro is gonna be all blushy and stammery around him. He just got divorced and he’s probably feeling lonely, maybe a little desperate, but his focus is on Hana now and Keith shouldn’t be trying to wedge himself into Shiro’s new life beyond continuing to be his friend. 

The crying dies down and Keith shuts his eyes again. He’ll just stick to his plan. If Shiro comes to him, he’ll let himself fall in love as and fast as he wants to, but until then, he’ll stay reserved. He’ll stay a best friend. 

Lord help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heheheh things getting i n t e r e s t i n g
> 
> Thank you all for the kind comments this fic has been getting! Make sure to find me on Twitter @nuttinonice and from there you can check out other platforms + how to get these chapters a week in advance <3
> 
> Comments and kudos rlly keep me going so make sure to let me know what you thought! Thanks for reading!


	5. A Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hana picks up Keith’s name too. It tugs on Shiro’s heart strings each time she reaches her little hands out and goes, “Keef! Keef!” It’s precious and nothing melts him like seeing his grumpy best friend giggling and coming to life with a bouncing baby girl in his arms. He’s more head over heels than he’s ever been, longing to just grab Keith by the shoulders and kiss him with the force of a wasted decade spent sitting on and misunderstanding the deep feelings he’s held for him all this time. When Keith is spoon feeding her little mouthfuls of baby food like it’s the most important task he’s ever taken on, Shiro nearly blurts out his love confession, but the guilt stops him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for keeping up with this!!

The next week is a long one, trying to expand Hana’s vocabulary beyond “vrepid sa!” and “shit.” After a tireless few hours of coaxing though, Shiro manages to work her up to calling him “Da Da” for the first time and his heart soars. Keith is there to get it on camera and Shiro melts all over again watching the video play back. He loves that Keith was there with him too. It feels good to have someone to share the milestones with and Keith is so incredible with his daughter. He always makes her laugh and volunteers to help out when Shiro looks dead on his feet. Keith’s moved into his own quarters now, but he’s still around all the time. Shiro’s heart is lighter having his best friend back, but it makes his little Keith fantasy jerk off sessions all the more shameful. If that pillow wasn’t a biohazard before…

Hana picks up Keith’s name too. It tugs on Shiro’s heart strings each time she reaches her little hands out and goes, “Keef! Keef!” It’s precious and nothing melts him like seeing his grumpy best friend giggling and coming to life with a bouncing baby girl in his arms. He’s more head over heels than he’s ever been, longing to just grab Keith by the shoulders and kiss him with the force of a wasted decade spent sitting on and misunderstanding the deep feelings he’s held for him all this time. When Keith is spoon feeding her little mouthfuls of baby food like it’s the most important task he’s ever taken on, Shiro nearly blurts out his love confession, but the guilt stops him. 

He’s too afraid of making some kind of move and hurting Keith. He has to have moved on ever since the “I love you” he said to his clone, but some selfish part of Shiro’s mind feels like Keith may be dropping hints. Not just the towel dropping incident, but Keith keeps finding excuses to change in front of him, keeps brushing up against him when they pass even though there’s plenty of room. 

They start going to gym together - Keith’s idea. They run together, side by side on treadmills, and Keith strips his shirt off when he starts to sweat every time they do it. In the locker room, he’s shameless. He’ll look Shiro dead in the eye and carry on a whole conversation with him, buck naked, unflinching and Shiro knows that he’s blushing uncontrollably each time. Keith isn’t dumb, he has to be noticing, right? Is he trying to seduce him or is Shiro just so far down the post-divorce crush hole that he’s willing to believe anything? Keith  _ did _ say communal living has worn away at his inhibitions a bit, but Shiro wants to believe it’s an excuse. 

Either way, his orgasms have gotten better ever since he started seeing Keith’s dick on a semi-daily basis. He’s never wanted to suck someone off so badly, he wonders if his fantasizing has reached a point it could be considered an addiction. 

The novelty of the new baby is starting to wear off though. Not that Shiro’s any less over the moon every time she so much as sneezes in a cute way, but the exhaustion is getting to him. He’s up almost all night every night and even if Keith helps him out during the day, he’s still working. His only solace is his greatest shame - his quickie solo sessions - and they’re far too little to keep him sane. 

“Hana shh. Daddy’s gotta run a meeting.” Shiro yawns as he eases his crying infant into the baby bjorn on his chest. It’s hard enough to be taken seriously with it on, but he embraces it. He’s a single dad who’s still working as hard as he ever has at a job that he loves. Still though, it’s one thing to run a meeting with an adorable baby girl strapped to his chest, but another thing to bring a screaming little one into a conference room. “Hana, please Sweetie, shhh.” He coos, bouncing lightly up and down, wrapping an arm around her to try and calm her down. He’s on two hours of sleep. “What can Daddy do for you, ladybug?” He asks as he presses a kiss to her forehead. “You’ve got a clean diaper, you just ate, you burped without spitting up.” 

Hana wails in response and Shiro groans. He might just start crying with her.

He’s on the verge of just calling off the meeting, as unprofessional as it makes him feel when his front door opens. There’s just one other person who has his access code. 

“Hey Super Dad.” Keith smiles as he walks in, well rested, hair freshly braided, dressed in that sinful BOM uniform with a Starbucks cup in his hands. “Thought you could use a pick me up.”

“You picked the right morning.” Shiro sighs as Keith walks up to him, taking the coffee from his hand and drinking a few gulps down even if it scorches his tongue. “She won’t stop crying and I don’t know what’s up. It might be this little diaper rash she has, but I put powder on it when she woke up at five and now-”

“Five in the morning?”

Shiro gives a defeated nod. 

“Do you want me to sit this meeting out and babysit?”

“No, you need to be there as much as I do.” Shiro grimaces as Hana squirms in the bjorn. “I already feel bad enough just putting her in the gym day care for an hour while we work out, but Christ, I think I’d be going crazy without that.”

“You’re gonna need a real break soon.” Keith frowns. “For real, Shiro. You’re gonna lose your shit.”

“I’m not gonna take a break from being a dad. I don’t want to miss a second with her, I just…” Shiro chews his lip for a moment. “I just want to sleep.”

“Let me crash here tonight.”

“Huh?”

“Let me help with the baby, so you can get some sleep.” Keith shrugs and Shiro swears to God his cheeks are a little pink. It’s easier to tell than it used to be. Keith’s face will flush, but the scar on his cheek will stay the same color, just like the one on his own nose does when he blushes. It’s cute. It’s probably nothing more than Keith being shy to overstep any boundaries though. As a friend. “I can take the couch if you don’t think it’s too weird. I can get her when she wakes up, so you can sleep.”

“I don’t know.” Shiro sighs, Hana still screaming bloody murder as he tries to think. “You don’t need to do that for me, Keith.”

“I can change diapers. You need to sleep and I’d wake you if anything was wrong.” Keith says as Shiro sips more of his coffee.

“You really don’t mind?”

“Any other kid in the galaxy? No way. But we’re talking Hana Shirogane here.” Keith laughs as he leans against Shiro’s kitchen counter. “Her first words were vrepit sa. I have a duty as a Galra to watch over her.”

“You’re a weirdo.” Shiro smiles just as Hana starts to transition from full on tantrum to just whining. “If you really don’t mind doing it, I’d be happy to have you tonight.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Keith says, reaching his hand out so Hana will grab onto his finger. 

“I think she’s settled enough now.” Shiro takes a deep breath and grabs her pacifier, popping it into her mouth. To his immense relief, she takes it. He downs the rest of the coffee in a few gulps and shakes his head clear. “Let’s head out.”

They walk to meeting together, Shiro stroking Hana’s back through the bjorn to keep her soothed as they head down to the conference room.

She fusses a little when he runs the meeting, so he unstraps her from his chest and hands her to Keith, trying not to blush as he watches him coo to and hush her in his peripheral vision. Everyone else is pretty distracted by it, but he carries on discussing logistics of their next mission and Keith chimes in to offer resources from the Blades, although minimal as they’re just beginning to get set up on Earth. Shiro kicks himself for blushing, but Keith talking about mission resources with his deep serious voice while his infant daughter pulls on his braid is too adorable to bear. 

When the meeting ends, they head to the Atlas cafeteria together for a quick bite, Keith still holding Hana. 

“Sorry I’m hogging your kid. She loves my hair too much.” Keith laughs when they sit down across from each other, other members of the Atlas staff bustling around them. 

“I just can’t believe how good you are with her.” Shiro smiles. “I thought you didn’t like kids.”

“I just like this one.” Keith pouts. “She’s too sweet and she looks like you even if she’s adopted. It’s not fair.” She tugs on his braid and he winces. “Alright, there’s still some minor drawbacks.” He gives her head a kiss and carefully removes his hair from her infant iron grip, reaching his hand out until Shiro passes him her pacifier and he pops it in. “I’ll be by this evening to spend the night and help out. I don’t have a ton of work to do.”

“Thanks, Keith.” Shiro sighs. “As much as I want to do all this on my own… God, I really just need some sleep.”

“You got it, bud.” Keith says as he cradles Hana and rocks her a little bit. “Jesus, you might have to take her away from me. I think you own the worlds cuddliest baby.”

Shiro’s heart warms and he ignores his food in favor of watching the two of them, the way Hana’s eyes light up and how she giggles at Keith’s funny faces, the way Keith grins when she babbles a few words.

They eventually finish eating and Shiro puts Hana back in her bjorn so he can get to work for the rest of the day, but he’s already excited for Keith to come over later and spend more time with her - and himself if he’s being honest. They part with a long hug that makes Shiro’s heart pound and he gives a stupid wave goodbye when Keith leaves. 

God, he’s lovestruck. 

*** * * ***

“I feel bad making you sleep on the couch.” Shiro winces as he lays the comforter over the sofa for Keith. They’re both dressed for bed. Shiro’s admittedly in some dad pajamas, a matching set of baby blue pants and a button down, but Keith’s in an all too tight pair of boxer briefs and a tank top. When the couch bed is made, he strips the tank top off and Shiro has to try ten times harder not to stare. 

“Shiro, you’re couch is comfy as fuck.” Keith says as he jumps onto it, stretching his arms out and arching his back to get cozy.  _ Jesus _ . “Plus, I’m closer to the baby this way. Turn your baby monitor off and sleep, I got it tonight.”

“You don’t have to do the  _ whole _ night, just-”

“It’s one night, Shiro. Get some rest.” Keith yawns, still sprawled out obscenely with his hair down and loose. He looks like some kind of mermaid. “I promise if something’s abnormally wrong or she won’t stop crying after a little lullaby, I’ll come and get you.”

“Alright.” Shiro sighs, looking over at the open nursery door with guilt. He really shouldn’t be taking a “night off” from being a dad, but he won’t be at his best for her if he doesn’t sleep. “I’m gonna try to go to bed now. Thanks again, Keith. Seriously.”

“Anytime.” Keith says. He still hasn’t gone under the covers and if Shiro didn’t need to use every moment of this night for sleep, he’d be getting the shame pillow from the closet. 

He tears his eyes away though and says goodnight, shutting himself in the bedroom and falling onto the bed, exhausted. Maybe with a little rest, he’ll have better self control. 

He bundles up under the covers and it doesn’t take long to fall asleep, but his mind drifts somewhere it hasn’t been in a long time as soon as he’s out. 

His nightmares had gone away for a while. He still had them on occasion, but he’d been sharing a bed with his husband. If they happened, Curtis would wake him up and calm him down, soothe him back to sleep. It was one of the things that helped Shiro selfishly try to continue the marriage. Waking up alone after a night terror, or a flashback is terrifying. It’s been a long time since he actually had one alone. 

He dreams he’s back in the lab. He feels the loss of his arm all over again, the pain, the torture of it. He sees himself in the arena, fighting for his life at the cost of other innocent lives, he feels himself scream until he snaps awake. 

“ _ Shiro!” _

Shiro gasps and looks up at Keith with wide teary eyes. He’s pinned down. Keith is on top of him, straddling his hips and pinning his arm down above his head, but he lets go as soon as he realizes Shiro’s awake. “Fuck,  _ fuck _ .” He hisses, his breath still hitching as he looks around the room, looks at Keith. His eyes glow a soft yellow in the dark room. “Keith?”

“Hey.” Keith breathes. “Sorry, you were having a nightmare. A really bad one.”

“Was I…?”

“You were screaming.” Keith swallows, his eyes soft and kind as he looks down on him with that long hair flowing over his shoulders. He’s so beautiful, it grounds Shiro for a moment, lets him focus on something he loves to look at, but he’s still coming down. He’s shaking like a leaf and he’s soaked in sweat. 

“Where’s Hana?” Shiro sniffs, looking over at his alarm clock. It’s only midnight.

“She’s asleep, I just put her down again a few minutes ago. I brought the baby monitor when I came in here though.” He says, cocking his head to where he put it on the nightstand. “Don’t worry about her. Focus on breathing for me.”

Shiro nods and takes some deep breaths. God, when was the last time Keith helped him down from a panic attack like this? He used to always be the one here, calming him down. 

“There you go.” Keith sighs, climbing off of him and sitting on the side of the bed instead. “Are you okay? What usually helps at night?”

“I-I don’t even know anymore. Curtis would just hold me and eventually the shaking would stop and I’d get back to sleep.” Shiro swallows. It feels embarrassing to admit somehow. 

“You’re really shaking, Shiro.” Keith bites his lip. “Do you want me to sleep in here?”

“You don’t have to do that.” Shiro’s heart starts racing for a different reason. 

“We’ve done it before.” Keith shrugs. “Once or twice. We have the monitor. I’ll still get up for the baby and let you sleep.”

“Keith, you really don’t have to-”

“Would it make you uncomfortable?”

Shiro shakes his head. 

“Then come here.” Keith says, crawling over him to the empty side of the bed. “How would Curtis do it to comfort you?”

Shiro’s whole face burns red, but he turns onto his side. “He’d spoon me.”

“Like this?” Keith slides up beside him and hooks an arm over his waist, holding him close with his back pressed to Keith’s chest. 

“Y-Yeah.” Shiro stutters. 

“Here, wait.” Keith pulls back and Shiro misses his touch in an instant. “Take off the pajama shirt, it’s damp.”

Shiro’s beyond fighting this. He’s exhausted and scared and that one moment of touch from Keith was the most comfort he’s felt in a while. He slips off the pajama shirt without argument and lies back down, letting Keith hold him again. 

“There you go, big guy.” Keith smiles when Shiro lets out a deep breath. 

“Thank you, Keith.”

“Don’t worry about me.” Keith says, giving Shiro a squeeze. “Hey your bed is comfier than the couch after all.”

“Shut up.” Shiro laughs as he moves a tentative hand over Keith’s. His heart’s pounding and his face is pink, but he wants to do it. It doesn’t have to mean anything. 

Keith follows his lead and threads their fingers together, holding Shiro’s hand tight as they lie together. “Get some sleep.” Keith says in a low soothing voice. Shiro’s already halfway there. “I’ll be right here in the morning.”

“Thanks.” Shiro repeats, melting into his touch as the anxiety fades and comfort takes over. It’s a cliché thought, but it’s true as he settles down and drifts off to sleep. Keith feels like home. Maybe this is where he’s meant to be.

*** * * ***

Keith stays up half the night. It feels unreal. They have shared a bed before in similar situations to this, nights when Keith came to Shiro’s room when he was having nightmares, talked him down and ended up falling asleep beside him, fully clothed. This was different. He’s almost naked, spooning Shiro like they’re lifelong lovers, not best friends, one single and one freshly divorced with a one year old daughter. He just hopes Shiro can’t feel his heart race. He doesn’t want to fall asleep and miss a second of getting to hold him like this. It might never happen again. 

When he’s positive Shiro’s asleep, he presses a few gentle kisses to his shoulder, the back of his neck. In part, it’s to comfort him. He wants Shiro to feel safe and sleep well, but it’s also for himself. Shiro’s skin is as soft as it looks, baby smooth except where disrupted by the faint raise of scars. Keith wants to trace every one of them with his lips, wants to hold Shiro like this every time he’s scared and even when he isn’t. He wants to hold his hand like this again.

He stays awake for about an hour, just watching over Shiro, savoring the moment until he hears Hana fussing in the other room and sighs. He’ll need to get her before she starts to really cry and wakes Shiro, so he reluctantly pulls away. 

Shiro shifts in his sleep at Keith’s absence, his eyebrows pushing together in distress until Keith walks around the bed and kneels down by Shiro’s side. “Shh, I’ll be right back.” He coos, reaching out to run his fingers through Shiro’s hair. “You’re safe. You’re okay.” He waits until Shiro’s face relaxes then gets up to fetch the baby. 

Hana’s waiting for him, standing up in her crib by holding on to the bars and Keith scoops her up. 

She just needs a diaper change, so Keith does it and bounces her around in his arms a little until she starts to doze off again and he lays her down. 

Geeze, maybe he should quit the blades and just be a live in nanny for the Shirogane family. They both seem to need his help getting through the night, but he’s smiling like an idiot when he goes back to Shiro, sliding into bed and spooning up behind him again. He puts his arm over Shiro’s abdomen and takes his hand again with one last selfish kiss to the side of Shiro’s neck. 

“I’m here.” Keith whispers when Shiro stirs in his sleep. “I got you.”

*** * * ***

In the morning, Keith pretends to be asleep as long as he can, not wanting to let go of Shiro. Their position shifted throughout the night. Keith’s half on top of him, legs tangled up, his head on Shiro’s shoulder, morning wood pressed against Shiro’s hip and it’s taking every ounce of willpower not to rock against it. He doesn’t want to let go.

“Mm.” Shiro shifts in his sleep and Keith’s heart sinks. He’s waking up. “Keith?” He mumbles, half asleep. “Hey, it’s morning.”

“Hm?” Keith lifts his head as if he’s just been woken and smiles up at him, bedhead and all. Although if he’s being honest, he knows he’s half naked and looks relatively gorgeous right now. He knows he’s right when Shiro’s cheeks turn pink. “You sleep through the night?”

“Yeah, did you? Was Hana up a lot?”

Keith feels Shiro shift and blushes a little himself. He can feel the morning wood for sure. “She uh… She was good. She needed a diaper change once, but that was about it. I think she’s awake now though.” He’d rather die than move from this spot right now, but when Shiro shifts again, he rolls off before things can get weird, flopping onto his stomach, so he can say he at least has the decency of sparing Shiro a sight of the bulge he’s currently sporting. 

“I’m um…” Shiro sits himself up and stammers. “I’m gonna make breakfast.”

“Can I use your shower?”

“Yeah of course.” Shiro says, still glancing awkwardly around. “Um… Thanks for last night, Keith. Really. I haven’t had an episode in a long time and I don’t know what I would’ve done if I was alone.”

“Any time, Shiro.” Keith says and means it. “If I’m not here and it happens, you can always call me. I’ll come over.”

“Thanks, Keith.” Shiro breathes, smiling again as he gets up out of bed. “Take your time in the shower. I’ll have Hana dressed and food on the table in a bit.”

“Sounds perfect.” Keith says at he watches Shiro leave. He feels horrible wishing nightmares on Shiro, but fuck. He really hopes he can do this again.

*** * * ***

Shiro feels like he’s going into cardiac arrest as he breaks some eggs in a pan and mashes up some bananas for Hana, already fussing in her high chair. Did last night really happen? He didn’t cuddle with Curtis like that until they’d moved in together, but with Keith, it was just completely natural. As soon as Keith held him, he’d felt so safe and comfortable. It was heaven. He’d held Keith’s hand and Keith had held it back, did that mean something, or was Keith just being nice because he was freaking out? God, but waking up to Keith’s dick pressed against his hip like that, so obviously hard. He wants him so bad. He had just wanted to grab Keith’s ass and push up against him, grind together. He rolls his eyes at himself. It’s too early to be this horny.

He sets the table for him and Keith then gets Hana fed, smiling as he spoon feeds her and wipes the excess from her face. “You slept well, you little cutie.” He says with a kiss to her forehead. “Now Daddy’s all rested up to take care of you, yeah? We’re gonna have a little Teletubby marathon later.”

Hana giggles and reaches both hands out. “Da Da!” 

“Yeah, that’s me.” Shiro laughs, his heart melting as he leans in and lets her grab his nose. 

“I shouldn’t leave you two alone.” Keith teases as he walks out of Shiro’s room, hair braided and redressed in uniform. 

“Look, Hana.” Shiro says as he pulls away and points at Keith. “Who’s that?”

“Keef!” She exclaims and Shiro laughs when Keith’s eyes go wide. 

“Holy shit.” Keith clutches his chest a moment. “I don’t think I’m ever going to recover from how precious that was.”

“Shit!” Hana peeps and Shiro rolls his eyes. 

“Not again, Kiddo. Keith, quit corrupting my baby.”

“The kid’s got a point.” Keith shrugs. “Shit. It’s profound.”

Shiro takes a sunflower seed from his plate and flicks it at him. “Shut up.”

*** * * ***

Shiro barely focuses on work for the rest of the day. He can’t stop feeling the phantom sensation of Keith’s skin against his. He’s craving it. He hasn’t slept that well in ages, all because he was in bed with Keith. 

The day really wears him down. Hana spits up on his control panel, her diaper leaks during a conference meeting. He’s running out of uniforms and to make matters worse, Keith is busy with the Blades all day.

As if to remind him of how torn he is emotionally, Hana keeps chanting “Keef!” at random moments. It’s not too strange. It’s one of the five words she knows, but it doesn’t help his tension headache. It’s days like this, he really doesn’t have time to deal with being hopelessly in love with his best friend.

When the day ends, he’s ready to collapse. He feeds Hana, burps her, gets her in her PJ’s and hums lullabies until she falls asleep. It may be eight p.m., but he already feels past his bedtime. Christ, instead of getting the baby to sleep on his schedule, he’s sleeping on hers. 

He pushes all his Keith-related thoughts out of his head for the night and does everything he can to ensure a good night’s sleep. He takes the baby monitor into the bathroom and takes a long hot shower, puts on his coziest pajamas and conks out with a white noise machine on next to the baby monitor. 

He falls into a deep sleep fast, but last night’s images return. He’s in Honerva’s hands again, feeling his body carved apart, slashes across his skin that turn into today’s scars and he swears to God, it’s real. He feels the pain, the terror, he feels-

Shiro jerks awake to the sound of his daughter wailing, gasping for air as he looks around the room. This isn’t like last night. Keith isn’t here to come running in and soothe him, he has an infant to take care of and he’s  _ losing his shit _ . 

_ Get it together. You’ve been here before. Take a deep breath and go take care of your daughter _ . 

He looks down at his human hand and feels his stomach turn at how hard he’s trembling. Hana’s crying is only escalating his heart rate, but he squeezes his eyes shut, forces himself to breathe deeply and get out of bed.

_ Deep breaths. Deep breaths _ . 

Shiro drags his feet into the nursery, his heart pounding as he approaches Hana. She screaming, lying on her back and squirming around. He picks her up and smells for a dirty diaper, but she’s clean. It’s not late enough at night for her to be hungry. What is it? 

“What’s wrong, Sweetie?” He asks, still trembling as he reaches down and strokes her cheek. Her crying sounds like a siren and it’s freaking him out more. He keeps blinking and seeing the arena, the lab. He can’t do this right now, can’t help her when he’s like this and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. “Sit tight, Ladybug.” He swallows before retreating out of the nursery, back to his bedroom to dial Keith. 

“Shiro?” Keith yawns on the other end of the line.

“Keith.” Shiro winces. “H-Hey, I’m really sorry for waking you up, but…” His mouth wobbles.

“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it, what’s going on?”

“I-I just had another nightmare and I’m freaking out, but Hana’s crying a-and I don’t know what she needs right now, I-”

“I’ll be right over.” Keith says and Shiro hears the rustling of him getting out of bed. “I’ll be there in a minute.” 

“Thanks, Keith.”

Keith hangs up the phone and Shiro’s stomach turns as he stands up to go watch the door. It’ll take Keith seconds to walk down the hall to him and low and behold, there he is in his doorway after less than a minute. He’s in the world’s smallest shorts with a loose t-shirt, his braid a little frizzy. He looks beautiful as always and Shiro hates himself for even thinking about that while his daughter cries in the other room. 

“Hey.” Shiro swallows. 

“Hey.” Keith says back in a soft voice, walking up to give his shoulder a squeeze. “We’ll calm her down together. Come on.”

“Thank you.” Shiro breathes a sigh of relief and follows Keith into the nursery, watching as Keith picks Hana up and rocks her in his arms. 

“Shh, shh little lady. I know you’re upset right now, but you gotta let your daddy sleep, yeah?” He coos. “Everything’s okay. I bet you had a little nightmare too, huh?”

Shiro melts as he watches them. Hana stops crying and starts whining and fussing instead as Keith bounces her, presses kisses into her hair. They look so perfect together. It’s like Keith is magical with her. He approaches the crib and watches, heart pounding as Keith lowers her back down and tickles her tummy. She stops fussing and smiles. “How did you…”

“Special touch, I guess.” Keith smiles, turning towards him with those glowing yellow eyes. 

God, Shiro can’t fight this anymore. Maybe it’s because he’s just coming down from an episode. Maybe it’s because he’s scared and vulnerable, or because he’s just exhausted, but Keith just soothed his daughter completely in seconds and he looks so beautiful, he just… His hover arm acts before he can think, flying up to hold Keith’s cheek and then Shiro is surging forward, shaking as he presses his lips against Keith’s, kisses him with the force of all the history, all the devotion between them. His heart stops when he feels Keith tense against him, caught by surprise, but then Keith kisses him back with just as much force, slinging an arm around Shiro’s neck and forcing him to take a step back to avoid falling. 

“Tell me that wasn’t a sleep deprived mistake.” Keith breathes against his lips. They’re both panting and Keith’s eyes are glowing brighter than Shiro’s ever seen them, lighting up the room. 

“It wasn’t.” Shiro gulps. “I… I-I just.”

Keith grabs him by the collar and kisses him again, swiping his tongue over Shiro’s lower lip until he opens his mouth with a moan, lets him in as they stumble back away from the crib. Shiro puts his arm around Keith’s waist, presses their bodies together as they kiss deeply enough for their teeth to clack but passionately enough for them not to care. “Shiro.” Keith pants against his wet lips, one hand still fisting the material of his pajama shirt. 

“Y-Yeah?”

“Take me to your room.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeee if you want to read what happens next right away, check my twitter (@nuttinonice) for the platform i'll be uploading chp. 6 to tonight! 
> 
> Comments and kudos always help keep me on track so feel free to let me know what you thought <33 if i haven't responded to your comment, i've read every one of them, but i've gotten behind on responding! Just know if you've left a comment, that I've read it and it made my day. Thank you all so much for reading and helping spread this fic!


	6. Embers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh they /fuckin/ fuckin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u all for giving this fic so much love !

Shiro doesn’t have time to think as they rush out of the nursery and back into his room. He doesn’t want to think about it. He wants to give in, feel all the things he’s been so desperate to feel as he slams the bedroom door shut and pins Keith against it, mouthing down his neck. 

“Shiro.” Keith whines, arms thrown around his shoulders as Shiro sucks on his collar. “Fuck, that feels really good. T-Touch me.”

Shiro obeys, sliding his hand between Keith’s legs and moaning against pale smooth skin as he feels the heat radiating from him. He palms over the bulge, feels Keith dick twitch in response to him, start to harden and stiffen at his touch and the quiet little whining Keith is letting out is pushing any sense of reason out of his head. 

They need to talk. They need to talk more than two people in the universe have ever needed to have a conversation, but they’re both lost in this. They need this. They can talk about all the shit that needs talking about afterwards. 

“What do you want to do?” Shiro breathes, massaging Keith’s cock through the thin fabric of the shorts and watching him squirm. Jesus, it’s a sight for sore eyes. Stoic, composed Keith falling apart right here in his hands. It’s better than he ever fantasized it would be.

“I need you to fuck me.” Keith breathes, knocking his head back against the door. “Please, Shiro. Please.”

“I will.” Shiro gasps when Keith licks a stripe up his neck. “Fuck, come here.” He says, taking him by his slender waist and pulling him towards the bed, pushing him down onto it and crawling over him. He tugs first at the t-shirt Keith’s wearing until he lifts his arms and Shiro can pull it off, groaning as he bends down and takes one pert nipple in his mouth. Keith’s chest is so fucking pretty, all pink and perky just for him.

“Oh fuck.” Keith whimpers, spreading his legs beneath Shiro and arching his back to push his chest up against his mouth. “‘m r-really sensitive there.”

Shiro responds by swirling his tongue around the nipple and Keith shivers, digging his nails into Shiro’s shoulders. “You’re so beautiful, Keith.” He whispers when he pulls off, sliding down the bed as he presses a line of kisses from the center of Keith’s chest, down over his abs, to his treasure trail. “Can I-?”

“Please.”

Shiro waits for Keith to raise his hips then pulls the shorts off in a quick motion, revealing Keith’s cock, so pink and hard already, pre-come leaking from the tip. Shiro’s got to be dreaming. He looks up at Keith and tries to commit every detail to memory. The way Keith is propped up on his elbows just to watch him, his braid resting against his shoulder. His eyes are glowing and his face is flushed, biting his lip as he waits in anticipation for Shiro’s next move. 

“You keep getting naked in front of me.” Shiro laughs as he eyes Keith’s dick. “I’ve been thinking about doing this every time, you’re just so fucking pretty.” He glances up to watch Keith’s face as he leans down and licks over his head, cleaning up the pre as Keith twitches underneath him. 

“You have lube and stuff right?”

“Mhm.” Shiro hums before wrapping his lips properly around him and sinking down a few inches. 

“ _ Oh _ .” Keith trembles, his gruff voice wavering as Shiro starts to bob his head up and down. 

For the first time, Shiro  _ loves _ this taste. With Curtis, blowjobs were something Shiro approached like a favor. They were something he’d do for his husband if it was his birthday, he’d done something especially nice, or he’d returned the favor by eating his ass out or some other sex act Shiro was equally excited by. But this time? It feels like a privilege to be sucking Keith off. The moan he draws from his best friend’s mouth is heavenly and he relishes in the taste on his tongue. 

Keith maintains composure for a moment, but when Shiro builds a rhythm, he starts to fall apart. “Shiro.” He whimpers, hooking one leg up over his shoulder. “Fuck, fuck, oh my God.” His voice starts to get higher in pitch, breathier, more desperate. It’s the most vulnerable Shiro has ever seen him. “Don’t make me come, I-I wanna come with you inside me.”

Shiro pulls off with a pop and smiles as he takes Keith length in his hand and kisses up the side. “I’ll make you come however you want, Keith. Let me get what we need.”

“Wait.” Keith sits himself up and looks at Shiro, panting. “You have way too many clothes on.”

Shiro tugs his shirt over his head and tosses it aside, but it’s not enough for Keith. 

He reaches forward and yanks the drawstring of Shiro’s pajama pants undone, reaching his hand inside to wrap slender fingers around his cock and pull. It punches a moan right from Shiro’s gut as he pushes his hips forward against his grip. “ _ Fuck _ , Keith.”

“You’re so fucking  _ big _ .” Keith says, looking at Shiro’s cock in his hand with wide eyes. “Holy shit, I’m gonna need a sick day tomorrow.”

“Are you sure you want to take it?”

“Don’t insult me.” Keith smiles, giving Shiro’s cock a final squeeze before he lays back again and cocks his head towards the nightstand. “Open me up, big guy.”

Shiro jumps to action, squirming out of his pajama pants to leave himself naked as he hops out of bed and opens the nightstand drawer. 

“Is that what you use?” Keith asks, eyes locked on the vibrator in the drawer. 

“U-Um, yeah.” Shiro blushes as he takes a tube of lube from the drawer. “Condom?”

Keith shakes his head. “I’m clean. You?”

“Very clean.” Shiro laughs, nudging the drawer shut with his hip and tossing the lube onto the mattress before crawling over Keith again. 

He kisses him long and deep, stroking his hand up his side just to feel how soft he is, letting Keith taste himself on his tongue before he slides back down again. 

“If you suck my dick again, I’m gonna lose it.” Keith breathes as Shiro pushes his thighs further apart. 

“Lift your hips up.”

Keith does and Shiro puts his hoverarm underneath him to hold him up comfortably as he leans in and swirls his tongue around Keith’s hole. 

“Hh!” Keith gasps, back arching as Shiro starts to eat him out, nice and slow. “Oh fuck, fuck,  _ fuck _ , Shiro that’s so good, oh my God.” He babbles.

Shiro just hums against him, gets his the furled ring of muscle wet and relaxed before he pulls away to slick his fingers up. “Tell me if I hurt you.” He murmurs, sliding back up next to Keith to kiss him when he pushes his index finger inside. 

Keith tenses at the intrusion, but relaxes when their lips touch again, his arms wrapping back around Shiro’s neck as he kisses him back, licking into his mouth as Shiro works him open. 

He goes agonizingly slow, but he can’t hurt Keith. He’s not dumb. He knows he’s big and he wants Keith to at least be able to walk in the morning. Keith insists he’s ready after the second finger, but Shiro just sucks on his neck and eases in a third. There’s going to be hickeys to explain in the morning, but neither of them care in the moment. Keith is everything Shiro’s ever wanted and hasn’t allowed himself to have. He’s going to make this perfect for him. 

“Shiro, please.” Keith begs, breaking the kiss to press their foreheads together. “I can take it. I-I need it.”

“You sure?”

Keith gives a desperate nod and Shiro slides his fingers out. The squelching sound it makes should really sound gross, but it just makes his heart thump as he takes the lube again and slicks himself up, sliding over to lie over Keith. It might just be missionary, but Shiro doesn’t want to stop kissing him. He touches their lips together and strokes his hand down Keith’s thigh, lifting his leg to hitch it up over his hip before he lines himself up. They’re panting against each other when he starts pushing in.

“Oh fuck.” Keith whines, clutching Shiro close. 

“Try to relax, I don’t want to hurt you.”

Keith gives a weak nod and buries his face in Shiro’s neck as he takes his cock in inch by inch, taking deep breaths to relax his muscles. 

Shiro has to bite his lip hard to restrain himself, but he manages, pushing in impossibly slow until he’s fully seated in Keith and stops to let his hips adjust to the presence. Jesus. Keith’s ass is tight around him, warm and wet with lube. It feels heavenly. He forgot just how much he enjoys sex. “You okay?”

“Fuck.” Keith sighs, taking Shiro’s hover hand and placing it on his abdomen, so he can feel the bulge in his stomach. “You feel amazing. Move. Fuck me.”

Shiro takes the command and pulls out halfway, tentatively pushing back in then starting to rock back and forth a little in shallow thrusts. Keith’s breath hitches each time he pushes inside. 

“Shiro.” Keith squeaks, nails scraping down his back as they start to move faster together. “Harder.”

Shiro braces himself on the headboard of the bed and drives in deeper, watching in awe as Keith cries out underneath him and wraps both legs around Shiro’s hips. He wants a picture of it. He can’t let himself forget how Keith’s face looks contorted in pleasure as he fucks into him. “Keith.” Shiro groans. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

Keith rolls against him in response and gasps, his head tipping back as Shiro finds the perfect spot. “Right there, Shiro.”

“Yeah?” Shiro thrusts forward and grinds, watching how it makes Keith bite his lip. God, he’s so close to coming, but he can’t ruin this. He wants to make Keith feel good, wants to see what he looks like when he comes. 

He sets a punishing pace, watching every little reaction he gets out of Keith as he fucks him. He discovers that Keith blushes with his chest, pink little splotches on his pale skin. He finds that an upward angle makes Keith cry out and that when Keith’s breath hitches hard, he’s really close. “Come for me, Keith.” He breathes, wrapping his hand around Keith’s cock and stroking it in time with his thrusts. 

Keith lights up like a live wire, his back arching off the mattress. “Shiro!” He sobs as he pushes his hips back against him. “I-I’m gonna come. Fuck,  _ fuck _ . a-ah!”

Holy shit. “Yeah? Come for me, Keith. Let me see you.” Shiro says, desperately fighting back his own orgasm as he fucks Keith into the mattress, jerking him off with a tight slick grip as Keith’s voice starts to cimb in pitch - little ‘ah’s’ that get louder and higher with each thrust until-

“SHIRO!” Keith yelps when he comes, spurting in warm ribbons over Shiro’s hand and stomach as he quivers and whimpers through the orgasm, unable to shut his mouth as Shiro fucks him through it. 

He holds off until Keith starts to come down then buries his face in Keith’s neck, bucking in deep and coming inside of him with a groan. He shivers through the whole thing, riding it out with shallow thrusts into Keith until it passes completely. “Holy shit.” He breathes, keeping his head down as he comes back to consciousness. It’s the most intense sex he’s ever had, putting his honeymoon to shame by far. He’s about to lift his head, give Keith another kiss when he hears Keith hiccup, feels him shaking a little underneath him. “Keith?” Shiro lifts his head to find Keith staring at the ceiling, the glow in his eyes dimmed. They’re filled with tears. “Whoa, whoa, did I hurt you?” Shiro asks in a panic, quickly, but carefully backing out of him and sliding off to sit beside him. “Keith? W-What did I…?”

“Please tell me you didn’t just make a mistake.” Keith croaks, still staring up at the ceiling with such wide eyes. “Tell me you didn’t just fuck me because you’re lonely and I’m here.”

“Keith.” Shiro frowns. “I would never have sex with you just for the sake of fucking.” Keith’s voice sounds so fragile right now. It’s so unlike him. 

Keith sits himself up and sniffles, grabbing one of Shiro’s pillows and hugging it to his chest to cover himself. “I need to ask you something.”

“Sure, Keith.” Shiro swallows, his heart beating in his throat. Please God, don’t let him have fucked up this friendship. “Anything.”

“Do you remember what I said to you when we were fighting? When I fought the clone.”

Shit. Shiro takes a deep breath and nods his head. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“Did you love me back then?” Keith won’t dare meet his eyes, his voice soft and quiet as he asks and Shiro can see him still fighting tears. 

“I did.” Shiro sighs. “I… I was confused a little. I loved you back, but there was so much happening. I had a whole new body and I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to remember what you said. We were still at war and I didn’t want to distract you and part of me was scared that if I let myself really fall in love with you and we got together, that something would happen to you. We didn’t know if any of us were going to survive back then. Maybe it was selfish, but I was terrified of doing this and then losing you.”

“What about when the war ended?” Keith sniffles. “You didn’t say anything.”

“I…” Shiro feels his heart sink. “I felt guilty. You were the only person that could take over the Blades and it meant so much to you. I couldn’t leave the Atlas. I couldn’t find a way for it to work without making you give something up.”

Keith lets out a quiet sob and Shiro doesn’t know what to do. He wants to pull Keith into his arms, tell him he loves him now. That he’s certain of it and he loves him so much it hurts, but he doesn’t know if that’s what Keith needs right now. 

“I’m sorry I never told you.” Shiro takes a deep breath. “I thought you might not even feel that way about me anymore after the war ended. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Shiro.” Keith chokes, looking at him with wet eyes. “I’ve loved you since I was a kid. I thought I was going to die when you married someone else. I went to the ends of the universe for you a-and you… you married the first person who asked you to coffee after the war ended.” His breath hitches and he clamps a hand over his mouth. 

“Keith, I didn’t know.” Shiro breathes. “I didn’t. Not for sure. And you were gone with the Blades, I just… I wanted a family. I didn’t think there was still a chance for us.”

“I… I-I know.” Keith hiccups. “I know, logically, I know that, but Shiro I was so hurt. I still love you. I want this, but I underestimated how over you breaking my heart I was.” He wipes his eyes and looks at Shiro, helpless. “Do you love me now?”

“Of course I do.” Shiro says and finally makes a decision, moving forward and pulling Keith into his arms. “I’m sorry I just kissed you like that when we have so much we need to talk about.”

“Not your fault.” Keith hesitates a moment then hugs him back. “I maybe shouldn’t have told you to fuck me before we talked, but I’ve kind of been fantasizing about this since I was fifteen.”

“I’m sorry.” Shiro laughs a little and kisses the top of Keith’s head. “I’ve been kind of oblivious, haven’t I?”

“Kind of is an understatement.”

“Would it help if I told you the divorce was more to do with you?” Shiro asks, stroking Keith’s back as he holds him close. “I mean, all those video calls, I was trying to deny it, but Curtis could tell I was hung up on you. I think I’ve loved you for a long time.”

Keith takes a shaky deep breath and squeezes him. “I’m gonna need a little time to think about things. I… I-I love you, but if I get hurt by you, Shiro… I can’t derail my life. I can’t get hurt that badly again.”

It makes Shiro’s chest sink with guilt, but he can’t say he doesn’t understand. He made Keith wait all this time after all. “Whatever you need, Keith.”

“I’m gonna go back to my place for the night.”

Shiro’s stomach turns. “Okay.”

“Can I shower here?”

“Of course.” He nuzzles his nose against Keith’s hair once before letting him go. 

“Thanks.” Keith takes a deep breath and slides out of bed, wiping his eyes. “Sorry for crying and everything, just… Give me a day to get my head on straight. You said you had a nightmare, are you gonna be okay for the night?”

“Don’t worry about me, Keith.” Shiro says with a tired smile. “You’ve done more than enough.”

“Okay.” Keith glances away. “I’ll be out in a minute.” He says before retreating to the bathroom and shutting the door. 

Shiro collapses on the bed when he hears the water running and sighs, pulling the covers up and grabbing his phone to try and distract himself. He was right before. Making a move on Keith was selfish and now he may have hurt him. He’ll give Keith all the time and space he needs, but he’s going to be miserable until he has an answer. God, if after all this time, there’s been too much heartbreak for them to be more than friends, he’ll never forgive himself. 

When Keith comes out of the bathroom, Shiro sits up straight, watches as he drops the towel and pulls his shorts back on. 

“Keith?” Shiro winces. “Are we… okay?”

Keith just gives a soft smile and walks up to cup Shiro’s face in his hands. “Hey.” He says, leaning down to touch their lips together one more time, soft and gentle, the ghost of a kiss. “We’ll always be okay. Just give me a day, okay? I have to think. It doesn’t change what we just did together.” He glances towards the wet spot on the sheets. “I’ll come by tomorrow night. I’m taking a sick day.”

“Okay.” Shiro nods. “Um, there’s Tylenol on the kitchen counter if you need it.”

“Yeah, I do.” Keith laughs, pulling away and slipping his shirt back on. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Shiro. Don’t freak out.”

He’s very much freaking out. “I won’t. Goodnight, Keith.”

“Night, big guy.” Keith says, waving before he leaves the bedroom and shuts the door behind him. 

Shiro sits for a moment, listens to the baby monitor to make sure Hana’s still asleep before he pushes himself out of bed to get himself cleaned up and figure out how he’s going to hide the marks on his neck for work tomorrow. 

It’s going to be a harsh twenty-four hours.

*** * * ***

Shiro’s stomach hurts all day the next day. He does a bad job of covering the hickeys and gets a few looks, but they’re hidden enough to give his coworkers enough doubt not to ask about it. He’s tense, afraid of running into Keith and accidentally violating the space he wants to give him for the day, but it seems Keith was true to his word about taking the day off. It actually makes Shiro feel even worse. Keith didn’t get any aftercare. He deserves to be held after a night of sex with Shiro to take care of him through the next day’s soreness. Even if it was Keith’s choice to leave for the night, Shiro still feels bad about it. 

He distracts himself with work and Hana, which isn’t difficult. Between meetings and training sessions with the MFE’s, he gets Hana her exercise, spends an extra hour just talking to her, getting her to repeat a few new words. Her vocabulary expands a tiny bit more every day. She can now say a cute babbled version of “apple” and “bubble” in addition to Keef, Da Da, shit and vrepit sa. Of course those were the words that stuck the hardest so far. She starts to say the word up, demands it even. “Up! Up!”

“You wanna go up, sweet girl?” Shiro beams whenever she cries it out, picking her up and holding her far above his head as she giggles. It’s adorable enough to keep his mind off of Keith a little bit, but throughout the day, his mind flits back to it. What if Keith decides he can’t do this? Will they actually be able to stay friends? 

It makes him nauseous thinking about losing Keith. It might have been the best sex he’s ever had, but it’s not worth his best friend. He’d rather go back to sad masturbation sessions than risk their entire relationship. 

At the end of the day, he cooks dinner for two in case Keith is hungry. Spaghetti with meatballs and a good bottle of wine.  _ Shit _ , he realizes too late when the table is set and Hana’s in her high chair. It’s way too romantic.

Keith doesn’t invite himself in when he arrives, so Shiro jumps at the knock on the door, but he runs to answer it. 

“Hey.” Keith smiles when Shiro opens the door. He’s in street clothes for once, tight jeans and a loose black sweater. He’s as adorable and handsome as ever. 

“Hey.” Shiro breathes. “Do you um… Wanna come in?”

“No, I just came to stand in your doorway.” Keith teases, brushing past him to walk inside. “How’s the little one?” He walks up to the high chair and kisses the top of Hana’s head, smiling when she giggles. 

“She’s good.” Shiro smiles, walking over to sit down at the dinner table, cocking his head towards the empty seat and full plate across from him. “Do you want to talk and eat?”

“Yeah.” Keith nods, taking a seat and a deep breath as he picks up his fork. “Listen, um… I’m sorry that I freaked out last night. I’ve just waited a really long time for what we did and it was a lot of emotions at once.”

“So… You want to keep doing that?” Shiro blushes. It’s not the most elegant way to put it, but his heart is hammering. 

“Well, on some conditions.” Keith says, leaning his head on his fist as he looks across the table at him. “It took me a long time and a lot of hard work to put myself back together after you got married. I want this with you, but I’m gonna need a commitment.” He looks over at Hana and sighs. “I don’t know if you’ll do that with a baby you just adopted. I don’t know if you want to commit to me being a part of her life too in the long term.”

“Keith.” Shiro’s heart thumps. Commitment is the only thing Keith wants? Shiro’s got that in spades. Anyone else, it’d be a hard no, but this is Keith. They’ve been to the ends of the universe together. Keith is amazing with his daughter, good for her, and good for him. “I’d commit to you in a heartbeat. You’re not some rebound after the divorce. If you want to be with me, I really want to try.”

“Yeah?” Keith smiles. “I mean, if you want me to keep some distance from Hana until we’ve been doing this for longer, I would-”

“No way.” Shiro laughs. “You’re amazing with her. She loves you and uh…” He blushes a little. “You’re adorable together.”

“Shit, okay, I’m relieved.” Keith grins, getting up from his chair to go and give Hana’s forehead a little kiss. “I would’ve missed you, Cutie.”

Shiro’s heart is still pounding as he watches them. Holy shit. Keith is his boyfriend now? Are they using that term? He can take him on dates, kiss him when he wants to… Maybe this part is the dream.

“Earth to Shiro.” Keith waves. “You with me?”

“Sorry.” Shiro blinks. “This just feels so unreal, you know? I mean all that time we wasted…”

“Don’t think of it like that.” Keith says, walking around to Shiro’s side of the table and sitting shamelessly in his lap. He may have a lot of lean muscle, but he’s feather light in Shiro’s grip when he holds his waist. “I did a lot of thinking. If I wanted to talk about what I said to you during the fight, I should’ve brought it up myself. Other than that little moment, I never told you how I felt and that’s on me. I can’t resent you for marrying someone else.”

“Thank you, Keith.” Shiro breathes, hugging him and burying his face in his neck. “We’ll have to bring the baby, but can I take you out to dinner tomorrow night? I want you to have a proper date.”

“I’d love that.” Keith takes Shiro’s chin, makes him look up, so he can leave in and give him a soft kiss. 

Shiro feels like he’s floating. Keith’s soft and warm in his arms, melting into his touch as they share the kiss. He can’t help smiling into it. He’s  _ so _ happy. “Will you stay the night?” Shiro asks when they part, sliding his hand up to cup Keith’s cheek, running his thumb over the scar. “You don’t have to do any babycare stuff, just stay?”

“Sure.” Keith laughs, nuzzling their noses together and turning to take a bite off Shiro’s plate. “I like it better on this side of the table.”

Shiro just shrugs his shoulders and kisses Keith’s bicep because it’s closest to his lips. “I’m not complaining.” He watches Keith shift a little in his lap and wince. “Are you sore?”

“Yeah.” Keith grimaces. “Kinda feels like I got fucked by Godzilla. How the fuck did Curtis survive this?”

“I mostly bottomed for him.”

“Hm.” Keith thinks for a moment. “He’s a coward. I just need to get used to the size and it’ll hurt less.”

“I mean.” Shiro blushes a bit. “I like bottoming too. If you want to top, you can.”

“Maybe while my ass is still in recovery.” Keith teases, dipping down to give Shiro another kiss that tastes like tomato sauce. “I guess this means we can keep doing all this cute domestic shit, but I can actually cuddle with you now.”

“Jesus, I’m happy.” Shiro grins, his heart swelling as he gives Keith a squeeze. “You can just stay here all night.”

“You’re way too cute.”

“Says you.”

“What’s that mean?” Keith pouts. “I’m hot.”

“You’re also adorable. It’s extremely confusing.”

Keith rolls his eyes and slides off of Shiro’s lap, giving him a peck on the cheek before retreating to his side of the table again to eat properly. 

Hana’s been sitting still for too long and starts to fuss, so Shiro takes her in his lap while they finish eating, heart still thumping. There’s a bit of awkwardness, like neither of them know quite how to act yet. Do they jump into the deep end of all the things they’ve been wanting to do, or do they ease into it?

Keith seems to sense it, getting up first to clear the dishes and bending down to give Shiro a kiss on the cheek. “Why don’t you find us something to watch while we finish that wine and I’ll go grab some pajamas from my place?”

“Sure.” Shiro blushes, grinning as Keith carries the plates to the sink. This might be new territory, but it feels good with Keith taking the lead a little. “I’ll make popcorn.”

They part ways briefly. Shiro gets Hana ready for bed while Keith goes to fetch his clothes and changes himself into a pair of shorts and a tank top. It’s cozy, but he still feels attractive in it just in case this night ends in bed too. He doesn’t want to be presumptuous, but he’s always thought there’s no harm in being prepared.

When Keith comes back, Shiro has a movie queued up they’ve both talked about wanting to see, their glasses of wine on the coffee table next to a big bowl of popcorn, and a happy baby in his arms. 

“She’ll be ready for bed soon.” Shiro says as they settle on the couch together, close enough to touch, but not cuddling yet. Keith’s hair is still braided, but he’s in shorts and a loose shirt again. Shiro’s craving to feel his soft skin, but for now, he settles happily with their knees pressed together. 

“Can I hold her?” Keith asks and beams when Shiro hands him the baby. “Hey little one, I missed you yesterday.”

“Did you actually?”

“Yeah.” Keith laughs. “You guys are the highlight of my day, I actually um… I really like the kid. I don’t just say that because I’m trying to get in your pants long term.” He lifts up Hana’s butterfly pattern pajama shirt to blow a raspberry on her tummy to make her giggle. “She’s too cute and sweet. I really didn’t think I liked kids, but this one’s special.” He gives her a gentle squeeze and Shiro feels like he’s gonna melt. 

“She really likes you.”

“I’d hope so.” Keith pouts at the baby. “Sorry I’m dating your dad now, kiddo. You’ll only be second cutest around here now.” He scootches closer and kicks his feet up on the coffee table as he rests his head on Shiro’s shoulder. “Is your heart gonna jump every time I touch you now?”

“You can tell?” Shiro’s face flashes red and goes even darker when Keith presses a kiss to his jaw. 

“You just get a little tense. It’s cute.” Keith says as Hana plays with his hair. “Hey, I know this all feels kinda new and weird and stuff, but I’m still your best friend, yeah? You don’t have to be nervous about anything.”

“Thanks, Keith.” Shiro sighs, finding the courage to put an arm around his shoulders and pull both Keith and Hana close to him. He even kisses the top of Keith’s head just because it’s there and he wants to. 

He could get used to this. Sure, there’s going to be a lot to navigate going forward, but this could be it for him. Right here in his arms could be his family. He just has to not screw it up. 

Shiro looks over at Keith and how he’s smiling down at Hana, watching her doze off. He looks beautiful as always, perfectly comfortable tucked under his arm with Hana in his lap. It feels so perfect. 

Please let this work. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having such an amazing time writing this fic eeek, as always make sure to follow me on twitter ( @nuttinonice) and if u want to see chp. 7 right away it's up already on the other platform linked in my bio ! 
> 
> As always comments and kudos really keep me encouraged and are always appreciated <3


	7. Rush Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the first official date but things are a littleeeee rockyyy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the love this fic is getting! It really inspires me to keep writing and updating it <3

When Hana dozes off, Shiro gets nervous again. He’s had Keith on his couch for a movie a dozen times, but now it’s a date. 

He puts Hana to bed and returns to the couch, tense and awkward until Keith senses it and lies down. 

“Come ‘ere, big guy.” Keith says as he holds his arms open. “You don’t need to be nervous.”

Shiro lies down with him and takes a deep breath, settling onto Keith’s chest. He does feel better like this. Keith is warm and soft and when he puts his arms around him, he melts right into the touch. “I’m sorry.” He sighs. “I just really don’t want to mess this up. My life is crazy right now and my husband left me because I was apparently so in love with you, he could see right through me.” He shuts his eyes and feels the gentle rise and fall of Keith’s chest. “I don’t want to fuck anything up with you. We’ve been through too much.”

“Don’t put pressure on yourself.” Keith says as he strokes Shiro’s back. “I spent all yesterday thinking about this and it’s what was freaking me out too.” He presses his lips to Shiro’s forehead and it makes his heart leap. “I’ve loved you practically forever. I mean, I almost died for you at one point.”

Shiro feels a twinge in himself. “Keith, I’m still so sorry that-”

“Don’t be.” Keith laughs a bit. “It’s just a lot of pressure you know? My whole adult life I’ve wanted to be with you, would do anything for you, and now we’re doing this. You can’t think about it like that. I do think the universe brought us together, but I don’t think the weight of the universe is on the shoulders of this relationship.” He lifts Shiro’s chin and leans in for a proper kiss, touching their lips together until Shiro relaxes against him. “Just go with the flow.” Keith smiles as he nuzzles their noses together. “Kiss me if you want to kiss me. Talk to me when you feel anxious. Treat me like you always have, but sex and cuddling and all that relationship shit is on the table now. Don’t worry about it.”

“God, you’re the best.” Shiro breathes, resting his head back on Keith’s chest. “I’m sorry if I’m acting tense. I know you’re still you.”

“We can always take things slow.” Keith shrugs. 

“I think I’ve made you wait long enough.” Shiro says, turning his head to kiss down Keith’s neck, just wanting to feel his skin. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“I’ve been having so many nightmares lately, would you mind um…?” He bites his lip. “Would you spend the night? You don’t have to share the bed if you don’t want to and we don’t have to have sex. You don’t have to do baby stuff either, you just-”

“Shiro.” Keith grins, running his hand through Shiro’s hair and scratching the fuzzy part at the base of his scalp. “I’d love to. Do you mind if I share the bed with you?”

“Of course not. I loved having you with me the other night.” 

“You are kinda like a human teddy bear.” Keith says, still playing with Shiro’s hair. 

Jesus, he forgot how much he likes that. Curtis used to do it for him on nights he had trouble sleeping. “Feels nice.” He yawns, practically purring when Keith starts to lightly scratch his scalp. He can get used to this.

“You’re really crashing early these days, huh?”

“Accidentally got on the baby’s sleep schedule.” Shiro mumbles. “And you’re comfy.”

“I think you need to move to the bedroom, super dad.”

“I was gonna do romantic stuff.” Shiro yawns again and nuzzles his cheek against Keith’s t-shirt.

“We’ve got a whole weekend for that.” Keith laughs, giving Shiro’s back a tap to tell him to get up.

Shiro does, reluctantly, and lets Keith slide off the couch. “We’re not done with the movie.”

“Then invite me over again to finish it.” Keith winks, taking Shiro by the hand and tugging him up off the couch. “You need sleep. I’ll get Hana if she wakes up.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“At least let me get the first one. Come sleep.” Keith pulls him into the bedroom and peels back his covers, nudging Shiro back onto the bed. 

“Um…” Shiro pulls the covers up and blushes at him. “Do you want to cuddle and stuff?” He cringes at himself when he says it. He doesn’t want to do anything weird, so he wants to ask, but saying the word cuddle outloud is painful at best.

“You’re such a gentleman.” Keith teases, pulling the cord on his bedside lamp to turn the lights out before sliding in next to him. “I got you. Just wake me up if you need me.”

Shiro lets out a breath as Keith spoons up behind him and kisses the back of his neck. God, it feels nice. He doesn’t need to worry about having a nightmare and waking up alone. He has help if Hana has a rough night. It takes so much of the stress away, just being held by Keith. “You’re amazing.”

“If anyone deserves to be taken care of, it’s you. Get some sleep, Shiro.”

“Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“Call me Takashi.”

*** * * ***

Oh God, Shiro hopes this is his new normal. Every time he gets up that night to soothe a crying Hana, or feed her, or change a diaper, Keith gets up with him, helps out, gives him some sleepy kisses that put a smile back on his face. Is this what they’ve been depriving each other of all these years? He gets more comfortable by the minute, like they’re doing exactly what was meant to be. 

In the morning, Shiro wakes up to Keith’s lips on his neck and a hand in his boxers, stroking his morning wood to the perfect morning orgasm before he gets up and fetches him a cup of coffee.

“Keith, you don’t have to do all this.” Shiro yawns, still a little dizzy as Keith puts the mug in his hands. 

“I want to.” Keith says with a kiss to the top of his head. “I love your dick.”

“Such a romantic.”

“I like the rest of you too.”

Shiro sips the coffee and groans, pulling Keith in close with his hover arm, so he can give him a proper kiss. “You’re the best. I’m sorry for being an idiot.”

“We were both kind of dumb.” Keith smiles. “But we’re here now, yeah?” He reaches up to twirl Shiro’s hair floof around his finger once before letting it go and bounce back. “I have some work to do, but you’re still taking me to dinner tonight, right?”

“Of course. Long as you don’t mind our little third wheel.”

“You know you’re gonna have to get a babysitter one day.” Keith teases as he pulls away.

“Not yet.” Shiro pouts as Keith stretches his arms out. “She’s too little.” He looks Keith up and down. “You know, you can keep your uniform here if you want to, so you don’t have to keep doing the walk of shame back to your quarters.”

“How else would I announce to the world that we’re fucking?”

“The rumor mill’s gonna start any day now.” Shiro sighs, taking another sip of coffee and sliding out of bed too. “Hana’s gonna be up again any second. I’ll see you for dinner.”

“Dress nice for me.” Keith winks, giving him a farewell peck on the cheek before heading for the bedroom door. “See you later, Takashi.”

Shiro’s heart thumps at the nickname, a stupid grin on his face as he watches Keith leave. He’s Takashi to someone again. 

*** * * ***

Keith feels like he’s on fire. He talks a mile a minute through work that day, a stupid grin on his face even as he hands out boring orders on logistics. It’s like no amount of time spent with Shiro is ever enough, he’s already aching to get to dinner tonight and wondering if they’ll have proper sex again. He’s still a little sore, but he could push through. He could also fuck Shiro and that thought makes his mouth water. He’s thankful the Blades suit hides a semi pretty well. 

He’s overwhelmingly happy, but there are also some questions on his mind. They’re going for long term here - will Shiro let him adopt Hana one day? If they move into the same quarters, would he be overstepping to ask about foster parent status eventually? He wants to be a part of Hana’s life too, but he doesn’t want to cross any lines either. He also isn’t sure what Shiro wants or is going to want from him on that front and it’s too soon to ask. 

Regardless, he practically vibrates all day just with the effort of not telling anyone they’ve finally gotten together. He wants to keep it between them just a little while longer, enjoy the privacy and secrecy of it all.

Keith leaves the ship on his lunch break and goes to the mall. He didn’t bring much with him, especially anything in the ways of cute underwear and if they get busy tonight, he wants to look the part. Plus, it’ll be worth it to see Shiro’s face get all red. 

He finds a pair of lace black panties that cling to his hips and accentuate his bulge. The way they ride up his ass is enough to make Shiro faint and he leaves the store beaming. 

He goes to another store, finds a nice dress shirt and pants for their dinner date before heading back to the Atlas and hanging everything up, so it won’t wrinkle while he finishes the work day. It feels like a dream that he has an actual formal date with the love of his life in just a few hours. How long has he waited for this? After all that heartache and hurt, the universe finally did right by him. Now he gets to kiss Shiro, be held by him, cuddle up with him and that adorable kid. God, the wait was worth it. 

In the evening, he takes a long shower to get everything shaved, blows out his hair and ties it back in a ponytail, so he doesn’t look too wild. In the nice clothes with the lingerie on underneath, he feels incredible. He wants Shiro to blush when he sees him. 

Keith’s heading out the door when his phone buzzes with a text from Shiro.

 

_ Running late. Sorry. Meet me at restaurant? _

 

Huh. Keith shrugs and heads for the door anyways. Shiro’s probably wrestling a rambunctious one year old, so no hurt feelings. Plus, it’ll be nicer for Shiro to walk in and see him dressed up like this in the romantic lighting of the restaurant anyways.

 

_ Don’t worry about it. See you there. _

*** * * ***

Shiro thinks this day is going to kill him. It feels like everything is going wrong. The Atlas malfunctions and they get locked out of the conference room. It takes forever for him to fix it. Despite the bond he has with the ship, she can be stubborn sometimes. When they finally get into the meeting, everyone’s frustrated, tired, and cranky. Hana fusses in the bjorn the whole time, except no one’s in the mood to find it cute today. 

She has an absolute tantrum when he’s running flight simulations with the MFE’s in the control room. All he wants to do is get to dinner with Keith, but it’s like the day is out to sabotage him. 

When he finally checks out for the day, Hana’s not finished with him. She fights him all through feeding time and when he gets dressed up for the date, she spits up over his shirt. 

Christ, he loves this kid, but she’s testing him. 

He doesn’t have much else in the terms of clean laundry, so he’s forced to wear a t-shirt with his dress pants, but he puts on a decent blazer with it. It doesn’t quite match, but it’ll have to do. He sprays some cologne to cover up the smell of baby barf and sighs when he has to text Keith that he’s running late. 

“Come on Kiddo, we can at least dress you up nice.” Shiro grimaces when he carries Hana to the nursery. She fidgets the whole time as he undresses her and puts her into a nice dress. Despite her baby-related crimes of the day, his heart does melt a little seeing her in the cute little outfit. It’s a pink frilly dress she looks adorable in. 

He sets her down for a quick moment to run a comb through his hair then comes rushing back to grab her. “Alright, little one, I think we can finally hit the road.” He picks her up and freezes when he smells the telltale scent of a criminally dirty diaper. “Oh Kiddo, please don’t-” He turns her around and groans. In the one minute he’d been gone, her diaper leaked. Not only does she need a diaper change, but her dress is ruined, and she needs a bath. 

“Okay.” Shiro takes a deep breath. He’s going to be late to dinner. Keith will understand. Right now, he needs to stop being a new boyfriend and focus on being a new dad. He strips her down fast and rushes her to the sink for a quick bath, making sure to be thorough despite the press for time. No matter how eager he is to get out the door, he’s not going to let his daughter get a diaper rash because of it.

He dries her off, gets her into a fresh diaper and a slightly less fancy, but equally cute ladybug dress before grabbing her diaper bag and rushing out the door. His phone is buzzing by the time he gets off the ship and makes it to the car. Keith is texting him. 

 

_ Hey I’m here. Are you close? _

 

Fuck. “Alright Kiddo, please don’t fight me here.” Shiro says as he tries to get Hana into her car seat. She’s squirming and whining, wiggling around too much for him to strap her in without pinching her. “Come on Sweetie.” He coos despite the frustration coiled in his gut. “Be good for Daddy, we gotta get you buckled in.”

He manages to pin her gently enough to get her strapped in, but she’s wailing like a siren at her newfound restraint and his head pounds when he gets behind the wheel. The restaurant is still fifteen minutes away. Speeding is off the table with an infant in the back seat, so he takes a deep breath and surrenders to the traffic. 

It’s well past rush hour, but the roads are packed for whatever reason and he’s hitting every red light. Usually the car ride would soothe Hana, but the stop and go traffic has her still wide awake and crying as he tries to make his way into town block by block. 

 

_ Sorry if I’m being annoying or anything but I’m gonna have to give up the table soon. _

 

Shit,  _ shit _ . He’s such an asshole. Shiro’s late to their first real date and Keith is alone at the restaurant, about to be kicked out. He texts him back at the red light.

 

_ I’m on the road. I’ll be there so soon I promise _ . 

 

It’s an agonizing journey, but he eventually passes the fender bender that was causing traffic. Hana settles down a tiny bit when the ride starts going smoothly, but by the time he gets to the restaurant, he’s still beyond late. 

“Come on, Angel.” Shiro says, frantic as he fumbles with her seatbelt and scoops her up, kicking the car door shut and rushing up to the front doors. It’s a nice Italian place with the hostess out front. He’s out of breath and clutching Hana against his chest by the time he reaches her. “Hi, I-I’m a little late for a reservation, but I’m meeting someone who’s already here? Keith Kogane?”

“You can head on in, he’s already seated.” She nods, raising her eyebrows at Hana as she squirms in his arms. “Sir, this is not really a family restaurant.”

“She’s well behaved I swear. There won’t be any problems.”

“You’re free to go in, just be aware you may be asked to leave if she disturbs the atmosphere.”

Shiro gives a desperate nod and a quick thank you before rushing past her and into the restaurant. God it’s romantic. The dim lighting and rich red walls, the smell of fresh bread in the air. He searches around until he spies Keith sitting at a table in the corner. Oh shit. 

Keith looks strikingly handsome, did he buy new clothes just for the date? Shiro’s heart tears in two at his expression though. He’s teary eyed, leaning his head on his fist, his knuckles pressed against his lips like he’s trying to keep them from quivering.  _ No, no, no.  _

“Keith.” Shiro breathes when he makes his way to the table. “I am so,  _ so _ sorry. There was some baby trouble and traffic and I just…” He stops and sighs. “I am the worst person right now. I’m so sorry.”

“You made it.” Keith smiles, his eyes still giving away how crushed he was feeling a moment ago, but the smile is genuine, like he’s relieved and happy to see him as Shiro takes a seat across from him, Hana in his lap. “Hey, don’t worry about it. We didn’t lose the table or anything, so no harm no foul right?”

“Are you okay?” Shiro frowns. “I feel so bad for leaving you waiting here, I just-”

“It’s fine, Shiro. Really.” Keith nods, handing him a menu. “I didn’t order anything yet. I took an Uber here, so if you want to have a glass of wine or anything, I can drive us all back in your car.”

“That’s so thoughtful.” Shiro smiles, opening up a menu for himself and breathing a sigh of relief. “You just wouldn’t believe the day I had. Work was nuts and when I went home and got ready, Hana spit up all over me. Then her diaper leaked as soon as I got her dressed and I had to give her a whole bath, change her and dress her again, and there was an accident on my way here. It’s just been one thing after another.”

“Is that why you’re dressed like that?” Keith teases. “Kidding. You still look cute.”

“Thanks.” Shiro blushes, bending down to give Hana’s head a kiss as she fusses in his lap. 

A waitress comes by shortly to take their orders. They order the same pasta dish and Keith orders a glass of wine for Shiro, but she keeps glancing at Hana. 

“Oh, uh…” Shiro clears his throat. “Could we get a booster seat over here for the little one?”

“We don’t have booster seats, Sir.” She says, deadpan as she collects their menus and refills Keith’s water. “I’ll be back with the wine shortly.”

“Sorry.” Shiro winces when she leaves. God, he’s blowing this.

“It’s fine. You’re a dad first, I know that.” Keith shrugs, hooking his ankle around Shiro’s under the table to reassure him. “I don’t mind if the little cutie tags along for dinner.”

“Thanks for being so understanding.” Shiro sighs. “Do you want to come over after dinner?”

“Yeah.” Keith’s eyes light up a bit. “I’d love to.” 

Shiro feels like he might be back on track as they wait for their food. They talk about their days and Keith teases him about the Atlas malfunctions. They’re both blushing a bit and Shiro’s finally calm enough to truly appreciate how good Keith looks. He really dressed up for this and he looks so handsome in the ambiance of the restaurant, his dark hair even more striking than usual. Even the scar on his cheek looks sexy. 

They’re finally relaxing, forgetting the tension of the day’s stress and Shiro’s tardiness when Hana lets out a telltale whine.

“Shit.” Shiro winces, quickly cradling her and bouncing a bit. “Hey Sweetie pie, don’t cry in here, okay?”

As a direct response, she fusses and when Shiro shifts her to see if holding her against his chest will be more soothing, she starts wailing again. Just about every couple in the restaurant turns to glare at them as Shiro coos frantically, trying to settle her down between throwing Keith apologetic glances. 

“Sweetie, please, please shh.” He murmurs, biting his lip when the hostess returns to their table. “I’m so sorry, I swear she’ll settle down in just a second, if we can-”

“Sir.” She sighs. “You need to leave. I told you at the door and you’re disturbing the atmosphere of the restaurant.”

“Um.” Keith shifts in his seat. “Could we at least maybe get our food to go? We already ordered and everything.”

“I’m sorry, but the chef hasn’t gotten to your order yet, so I’m going to just have to ask you to exit the restaurant. There won’t be a bill.”

“Okay, um. Y-Yeah, sorry.” Shiro stammers as he gets up, Hana still crying in his arms as Keith stands with him. He feels horrible as they walk out of the restaurant. He should have thought this through. Hana’s usually well behaved, but she’s still a baby. He’s not mad at her in the slightest, he can’t be. He’s just mad at himself as Keith walks with him out into the parking lot. “Keith, I… I-I’m so sorry, I don’t even know what to say.”

“It’s okay.” Keith says, but he’s got that glassy look in his eyes again. His shoulders are slumped as he stares at his shoes. “I um… I just need a ride back to the Atlas if that’s cool.”

“Of course it is, I wouldn’t just leave you here.” Shiro says, his eyebrows pushing together in concern. God, Keith just looks heartbroken. It’s their first real date and Shiro ruined the whole thing. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, it’s um, it’s stupid.” Keith says, looking away as he reaches back and lets his hair down, fidgeting with the band that held it back. 

Hana wails and Shiro cringes, patting her back as he looks at Keith. “I swear I’ll make this up to you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Of course I do, you’re-”

“No, I mean like…” Keith shrugs. “Is this gonna work, Shiro?”

Shiro’s heart plummets. “What?”

*** * * ***

Keith doesn’t know what’s gotten into him as he stands in front of Shiro, his eyes welling up and his stomach churning. He feels selfish for this. He feels horribly selfish for standing here about to cry because of something Shiro couldn’t control. Well, he could have controlled being on time. But he can’t control the baby crying and he feels like shit for being hurt, but he is. 

This was supposed to be their first real date. He’s dreamed of it since he was 15 and Shiro was a few minutes shy of standing him up before getting them thrown out of the restaurant. It would be one thing if Keith chose this place, made them come here, but he didn’t. Shiro picked this place, knowing he considers Hana too little for a sitter and that she’d have to come with. He didn’t think any of it through and now after all the time Keith had spent getting ready for him and anticipating the night, here he is hungry and on the verge of tears. The lingerie underneath his outfit made him feel so confident when he left, but now he feels like an idiot. 

He wants to be selfish for once. He’s sacrificed  _ so much _ . He wants a real date, he wants Shiro’s undivided attention, he wants to be  _ loved _ , but right now he feels like he’s fucked up the timing once again. Can Shiro even have a relationship with him while he’s raising a baby by himself? He thought he was fine with the notion of always coming second, but standing here with this feeling in his chest, he’s not fine. 

“Keith? W-What do you mean is this gonna work?”

“Can you be with me if you’re busy being a single dad?” Keith croaks, finally meeting Shiro’s eyes even if it lets him see how close he is to crying. “I-I mean, I just… I feel like an asshole, I know your child comes first a-and I love Hana. I want to be a part of her life, but I’ve also just… Shiro, I’ve hurt so badly for so long, are you going to have time for me? O-Or am I going through all this just to get my heart broken even worse? I need your attention too.” He sniffles and he hates himself for it. He feels like a child, stomping his feet and throwing a tantrum because the spotlight isn’t on him, but he’d underestimated his expectations for this date. If this is how their relationship is starting, where’s it going to go from here?

“Keith.” Shiro gulps and turns quickly to the car, opening the passenger door and carefully strapping Hana into her car seat before turning to Keith and rushing up to grab his shoulders. “Look at me, okay? I-I really fucked this day up, but please don’t spiral out on me. I’m a dad, yeah. Hana is going to come before things like dinner plans, but this is just new for me. I-I’m gonna figure it out and I’m gonna give you what you need, I swear to God.” 

Keith’s mouth wobbles, but he sees Shiro’s tearing up too. He looks scared. 

“Please. Come back to my place and let’s talk. If you don’t want to stay, you can leave, but if you want to stay, I’ll cook you dinner and we can start this night over.” Shiro takes a deep breath and lets his hands drop. “Please don’t tell me I’m gonna lose this before it even starts, I… Keith, even if my daughter is the priority, you’re still my universe.”

He’s not there yet, but it is what Keith wants to hear. He loves Shiro too deeply to just give up on him after a failed date, but he still feels hurt. “We can talk.” He swallows. “Sorry if I’m being dramatic, I just…”

“Come here.” Shiro sighs, stepping forward and pulling him into a hug. “I’m so sorry about tonight. Let me get you home, we’ll talk it out.”

Keith melts into his touch. Shiro’s always warm and comforting even if Keith is royally pissed at him. “Okay.” He says when they part. “Let’s um… Let’s get going.”

*** * * ***

They drive home in silence, Shiro’s stomach turning the whole way. Hana settles down during the drive, lulled halfway to sleep by the car, but he feels so guilty, it hurts. Keith seems so disappointed and Shiro feels like an idiot for thinking he was as cool and collected as he was acting before. Keith told him he’s been in love with him since even before the Kerberos mission and after all Shiro put him through, he couldn’t even manage to take him out to dinner. Of course he’s hurt.

He just wants to make it up to him. How is it that with all Keith’s done for him, Shiro is still managing to let him down?

When they get to the ship, Hana’s fallen asleep from the ride, so Shiro walks Keith into his quarters and lays her down in the nursery before coming to face him in the living room. 

“Keith, I don’t know how to say how sorry I am. This was our first date and I’m the only one who screwed up.”

“No, I’m sorry for acting like a baby just…” Keith takes a deep breath and sits down on the couch, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know how to take my own advice. I know the best thing is to not put pressure on this, but I can’t help it. I’ve thought about it for too long, it feels like there’s so much riding on this working or not.”

“It’s gonna work.” Shiro assures, sitting down next to him and putting a hand on his knee. “I’m so sorry for hurting your feelings tonight, Keith. I didn’t think this night through, I was late. Hana’s just usually not fussy, so I didn’t think it would be an issue, but I think she’s having tummy issues today.” He stops and blushes. “I mean, you know, stomach issues. Shit, I’m stuck in baby talk.”

Keith actually laughs a little. “It’s okay, it’s cute just um… Shit.” He shakes his head clear. “Takashi, are you sure you can do this? I want you more than anything, but Hana’s your daughter and-”

“Keith, I can do this.” Shiro says, his hand squeezing Keith’s knee. He means it. He fucked up this time, but by God, there’s room in his life for Keith. Even when they were galaxies apart, they talked every single day, he’s in  _ love _ with him. Given time, Keith could be a second father to Hana. He wants this to be his family, Keith is a part of it. “I just have to figure out the balance, but you were right. You deserve to have my undivided attention at least some of the time. I want to treat you right.”

“I just feel bad asking for more than you gave me when we were just friends.”

“You deserve more than that.” Shiro frowns. “You’ve gone to hell and back for me.” He scootches in closer and presses his lips to Keith’s forehead. “I’m gonna make up for this. Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Keith takes a deep breath. “I’m okay.”

“You have to be starving, do you want me to heat up the leftover pasta? I know it’s not what we were supposed to eat tonight, but it’s something.”

“I’d like that.” Keith smiles. “Can I spend the night? I know you’ll need to get up for the baby, but I think I’d feel a little better if I could, you know, be close to you.”

“Sure.” Shiro kisses his cheek and stands up. “Get comfortable. I’ll get the food ready and pour some wine, yeah? We can save a little of this first date.”

Keith pouts a little. “Wine sounds good.”

“You got it.” Shiro gives Keith’s shoulder a squeeze when he passes him and heads back to the kitchen, pouring two glasses of wine first before the takes the tupperware of spaghetti and meatball leftovers. He scoops a generous amount onto a plate and pops it in the microwave for Keith before carrying the wine glasses back. “You know, Hana usually stays down until the middle of the night around this time. We’ve got some time to ourselves.”

“You gonna sweep me off my feet?” Keith teases when he takes his glass. 

“I’m gonna try.” Shiro shrugs, setting his own glass down on the coffee table. “Sit tight.” He retreats back to the microwave and takes Keith’s plate out, so he can put his own in, letting it warm before removing it and stirring both plates a bit to make sure the heat is evenly distributed. “Here. I owe you one actually gourmet meal after this, but at least you won’t be hungry.” He hands Keith a plate and sits down next to him with his own.

“Thanks.” Keith gives a small smile as he scoops up his first bite. “Man, uh… For someone who talked such a big game about staying cool, I really lost it tonight, huh?”

“You didn’t lose it. You could’ve flipped the table on me, or tossed a meatball at my head or something.”

“Still could.” Keith says, waving the meatball on his fork threateningly before popping it into his mouth. “Mmph. This is good.” He mumbles through his mouthful. “Got any other ideas for operation save this disaster date?”

“Well.” Shiro chews his lip. “If you want to, we could uh… I mean, I don’t want to be presumptuous, but we could maybe run a bubble bath? Or a hot shower or something. I could just put the baby monitor on the bathroom counter, give you some attention.” 

“I like that.” 

“Yeah?” Shiro smiles, reaching over to brush some sauce off the corner of Keith’s mouth with his thumb. He looks so adorable, he can’t help but lean in and kiss the spot. “I’ve got a lot of girly bath products around. I know you love that shit.”

“I am a sucker for a bath bomb.” Keith laughs before taking another bite and scooching a little closer to him.

They eat quietly for a while longer, just sitting close and melting back into one another. Shiro still feels guilty, but he’s immensely relieved that Keith is staying and that he’s got him smiling again. He really will make this up to him. He just has to think it through this time. 

He turns the TV on when they finish eating, letting their food settle as Keith snuggles up with him and his heart soars. The way that Keith just tucks himself right into his side, puts his head on his shoulder like it belongs there - there isn’t a better feeling in the world. Keith’s hair is soft and he’s just so warm, Shiro never wants to let him go. He eventually leans down for a kiss, humming at the way Keith’s lips feel against his own. 

Keith kisses him back so gently, a contrast to the fire that had been behind his movements the first time they did this. He’s soft and sweet, like a shy kid on a first date. It takes Shiro a moment to realize that despite his confidence, Keith  _ is _ that shy kid on a first date. Even if Keith has admittedly been with some other people, he hasn’t dated around. He’s waited for this - for Shiro. 

“Hey.” Shiro whispers against his lips, nuzzling their noses together as he speaks. “Let me run that bath for us. I wanna make you feel good.”

“Okay.” Keith smiles at him, his eyes glowing ever so slightly in the dim living room as they stand together and head through the master bedroom, into the bathroom. 

Shiro puts the plug in the drain and gets the hot water running before jogging to retrieve the baby monitor from the nightstand and putting it on the bathroom counter. Keith’s already stripped off his dress shirt and Shiro’s heart thumps as he walks up to help him get undressed. He kisses him, deeper this time as he slides off Keith’s belt, slides his hand down over his bulge to give it a gentle squeeze, a subtle loving touch before he undoes the button and zipper on his pants and pushes them down his hips. 

“Do you like them?” Keith parts the kiss to ask and looks at Shiro, blushing. 

Shiro glances down only to feel his mouth water at the sight of black lace clinging to Keith’s hips, his cock still obscured by his pants caught on his upper thighs. Fuck, Shiro wants to see the full thing.

He yanks Keith’s pants down until he can step out of them and gapes at the sight. If he thought Keith in the Blades uniform was sinful, this is a whole new ball game. He looks like an angel, his dark hair over his shoulders, his cock stuffed into a pair of panties that fit him perfectly. “Jesus, Keith. You’re beautiful.” He breathes, helplessly sliding his hand between Keith’s legs again to palm over him. He can’t stop touching. “You like wearing this kind of thing?”

Keith gives a whine and nods his head as Shiro massages him, a damp spot quickly forming on the front of the lace. Shiro can feel it on his palm. 

“So you’d like it if I bought you more?”

“Yeah.” Keith breathes, grinning as Shiro kisses up his neck. “I’d love that.”

“Fuck, we are so gonna take you shopping.” Shiro all but groans as he finally pulls back to shed his ugly blazer and pull his t-shirt up over his head. He drops his pants and boxers in one motion before pulling Keith close again by his waist, kissing him deeper this time, licking into his mouth. They part with a laugh when Keith reaches down to grab his ass and Shiro can’t believe how much he just loves the sound of Keith laughing. 

“I can’t help it.” Keith snickers, grabbing a cheek in each hand squeezing as he kisses Shiro’s chin. “You’re too thick.”

“Shut up.” Shiro teases as he hooks his fingers in the waist of Keith’s panties. “Let’s get in before we end up fucking right here.” He eases the panties down Keith’s thighs until they’re able to fall and sighs at the sight of him, his pretty pink dick hard and wet for him. He could honestly drop to his knees and suck him off right here, but Keith deserves a little romance. 

Shiro steps into the tub first and shuts the water off, parting his legs and holding his arms open, so when Keith steps in too, he can sit right in front of him and lean back in his embrace. 

“Mm.” Keith sighs, letting his head fall back against Shiro’s shoulder.

“Warm enough?” 

“Perfect.” Keith smiles as Shiro’s hand strokes down the inside of his thigh. “I’m glad you liked the lingerie so much.”

“I love it.” Shiro says, turning his head to kiss down Keith’s neck. “Comfy?”

“Mhm.” Keith hums as Shiro’s hand dips into the crease of his thigh, teasing him. 

“You should tell me about what you like.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know, I want to make you feel good.” Shiro nibbles on his ear a little bit. “What are you into?”

“Wow.” Keith laughs. “Um, I mean, you know I like to bottom, but I can top too.”

“Favorite sex act?” 

“Giving or receiving?”

“Both.” Shiro shrugs. 

“Hm.” Keith bites his lip. “Dick sucking for both. I like doing it and getting it.”

“That’s cute.” Shiro smiles nuzzling his nose along Keith’s neck. “Any kinks?”

“Yeah, but you gotta earn those.”

“Fair enough.” Shiro laughs a little. 

“What about you?”

“I like everything.” He says, still stroking the smoothness of Keith’s thigh under the warm water, scratching a little at the thin hairs on his skin. He loves how Keith’s body feels. “I loved fucking you. I really like receiving too.”

“Yeah?” Keith tips his head back against Shiro’s shoulder. “What else?”

Shiro’s blushing all the way to the tips of his ears, but Keith is turned on and he doesn’t want to drop the act. “I’ve been dying to suck you off again.”

“Really?”

“You’re so fucking pretty, Keith.” Shiro smiles, pressing a chaste kiss to his temple. “I want to make you feel good.”

“I might be a little quicker to forgive you about tonight if you went through with that.” Keith laughs, reaching down to rest his hand over Shiro’s, taking it, so he can guide it over to his dick, give Shiro the permission he needs. 

“I’d love to, Baby.” Shiro watches Keith’s face flash pink and the nickname and grins. “You like being called that?”

“Fuck yes, say it again.” Keith huffs as Shiro starts to stroke him under the water. 

“You looked so good tonight, Baby.” Shiro murmurs to him, heart pounding at the light weight of Keith’s cock in his hand. It’s so soft and smooth in his grip and Keith audibly gasps when he flicks his wrist. “You want to hop up on the side for me? Let me blow you.”

Keith gives a quick nod and squirms out of Shiro’s touch to heave himself up on the side of the tub, leaning back against the tiled wall with his legs spread and his feet still in the water. 

Shiro has to squish his toes against the side of the tub as he shifts to kneel between Keith’s thighs, but he doesn’t mind, mouth watering at the sight of Keith, flushed pink and hard for him. If he hadn’t just washed off, he’d be dripping for him. “Come here.” He whispers before taking him in his mouth, just the head at first, sucking around it to get his mouth used to the presence, let Keith adjust to the pleasure. 

Keith lets out a soft whine, rolls his hips a little, a silent beg for more. It’s enough to urge Shiro on. 

He pushes down another inch, swallows around him, taking it a little at a time. He used to be able to deep throat easily, but now he’s a bit out of practice. 

“Takashi.” Keith huffs out, knocking his head back against the tiled wall behind him as Shiro starts to bob his head back and forth. 

Shiro eases all the way down to the base, letting his throat adjust to the intrusion before he starts to build a rhythm. He forgot how much he loves this taste. Keith tastes like water and skin, that subtle hint of salt from the pre-come he’s leaking. He plants his hand on the inside of Keith’s thigh and goes to town, relaxing his gag reflex as he picks up the pace and looks up at Keith’s expression. God, he’s gorgeous when he’s aroused. His mouth is fallen open in a quiet moan that seems stuck in his throat until Shiro pulls off, dips down to kiss and lick over Keith’s balls and that draws the sound right out of him. 

“ _ Shiroooo _ . Fuck, oh my God.” Keith groans. “Okay, fuck, you can be late to dates and shit as long as you fucking suck me like this after, Jesus  _ Christ _ .”

“I’m glad it feels good for you, Baby.” Shiro murmurs before he takes him in his mouth again and Keith all but sobs.

It doesn’t last long - understandably - and Keith practically howls when he comes, his hands buried in Shiro’s hair as he empties into Shiro’s mouth, enough that a little spills past his lips and dribbles down his chin. Shiro cups some of the bath water in his hands and rinses his face off before leaning up to give Keith a kiss. 

“That was so fucking good.” Keith sighs against his lips. “Do you want me to do you?”

“Not tonight.” Shiro shakes his head despite the way his cock is aching to be touched. “I just wanted to make you feel good.”

“Okay.” Keith breathes, “Holy shit.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” Shiro laughs as he turns himself and slides back to their original position, leaning against the tub with his legs open for Keith to sit between. 

Keith settles back between his legs, back in Shiro’s embrace and shuts his eyes, the water starting to chill a bit as they sit. “Can I sleep in your clothes again?”

“Of course.” Shiro says with a kiss to the top of Keith’s head. “You ready to get out? I don’t want you to be cold.”

“Mhm.” Keith gives a sleepy nod and reaches forward to open the drain himself, stepping out first before reaching to help Shiro. “You don’t have to feel so bad about tonight. I’m not upset anymore.”

“I’m still gonna make it up to you.” Shiro says as they stand and climb carefully out of the tub.

They dry off together, Hana still thankfully sound asleep as Shiro gives Keith some clothes to sleep in and they retreat to the sofa again, Keith curling up in Shiro’s arms right away to shut his eyes and burrow into his touch. 

Shiro feels like he must be the luckiest guy in the world. He fucked up every single thing about tonight and here he is, his daughter sound asleep and content, his boyfriend and best friend dozing off in his arms, snuggled up with him like they just had a five star date instead of eating microwave spaghetti instead of gourmet Italian.

“Is it okay if I fall asleep here?” Keith mumbles, head tucked perfectly against Shiro’s shoulder. “Cozy.”

“Yeah, Baby.” Shiro whispers with a kiss to his forehead. “I got you. Go to sleep.”

“Mm.” Keith gives a sleepy smile that lights Shiro’s heart up all over again. “I know you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to follow me on Twitter ( @nuttinonice ) so you don't miss important updates with this fic! I also post early access chapters on another platform if you're interested, that link is in my Twitter bio <3
> 
> Comments and kudos are really what inspire me to continue writing, so if you're enjoying this fic, let me know!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro is doing his best... kind of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has been one million years but hello i arrive

Shiro thought it was a great idea for him and Keith to keep their relationship under wraps for a little while. They need time to readjust to one another, find their new boundaries, and enjoy a little honeymoon phase alone. He underestimated, however, how incredibly inept they apparently are at stifling their affection for one another once they make up from the dinner date fiasco. 

It’s only three days later when Shiro concludes a meeting with Keith in attendance and Hana strapped to his chest as usual. Everyone stands up to file out of the conference room when on pure reflex, Keith comes up to kiss his cheek and Hana’s, murmuring a casual “I’ll see you later, ‘kashi.” Shiro actually doesn’t notice for a moment, just smiling at Keith and telling him he can’t wait to see him before he realizes they’ve just done this with many,  _ many _ witnesses. 

“Did… Did that just  _ happen _ ?!” Hunk is staring at them wide eyed. “PIDGE, YOU OWE FIFTY BUCKS!”

“God dammit,” Pidge groans, fishing her wallet out of her back pocket. “I’ll give it to you.”

“Um…” Shiro blinks at the room. “Was there a… bet on us?”

“There’s an entire ring of gambling around the two of you that appears to have just come to a predictable conclusion.” Lance grins as he takes he watches Pidge take Hunk’s cash then makes a ‘come hither’ gesture of his own towards towards Hunk. “Pay up, buddy.”

“Man.” Hunk sighs, handing Lance a reluctant twenty. “Won one, lost one.”

“What the fuck were the parameters of the bet?” Keith asks, pressing a quick apology kiss to Hana’s forehead for swearing. 

“Everyone was betting on when the two of you would finally get together, but I’m the only one who bet you two were  _ already _ together and being all secretive about it.” Lance beams, pocketing his winnings before rushing up to yank them into a hug, the rest of the paladins all looking on still in half admiration and disgust for the mass amount of PDA going on in one conference room. “I’m so proud of you guys! Keith you know he’s had it bad for you for like a  _ year _ now, right?”

“Lance.” Shiro rolls his eyes and gently peels him off. Of course Lance knew. Him and Allura were in on it from the start. “Everyone has work to do. Get to it. We don’t need the conference room to discuss my love life.”

“ _ Our _ love life.” Keith teases with Lance’s same shit eating grin as everyone walks out of the room.

“Don’t you start too.” Shiro says, stroking Hana’s hair as she starts to fuss in her bjorn. “Shh, Sweetie. I know, Uncle Lance is annoying.”

“I heard that.” Lance says with a wave goodbye as he heads out with the rest of the crew, only Keith lingering behind. 

“Um, she’s being a little fussy today, so she might not sleep well, but do you want to come over tonight?” Shiro still blushes each time he asks Keith to spend the night. He always feels like he’s implying sex and, well, he kind of is, but he’s also more than down to just cuddle a while. They have a busy day and nothing sounds better than coming home to Keith. 

“Sure, big guy. I’ll come over soon as I’m done with work.” Keith smiles as he holds out his hand, so Hana can grab onto his finger. They don’t know why, but it soothes her almost as much as tugging on his hair. The finger is much more preferable. “Still working on that big make up date?”

“I am.” Shiro smiles. “I promise. This weekend is all you.”

“Sounds good.” Keith gets on his toes, so he can lean over Hana and give him a quick proper kiss before pulling away. “Sorry I blew our cover.”

“All that spy training with the Blades and couldn’t keep this under wraps, huh?”

“Shut up.” Keith laughs at the teasing. “I’m off to run training with the junior Blades. I’ll be a little late tonight, but I’ll be there, yeah?”

“I’ll have dinner waiting for you.” Shiro says, his heart warm as Keith thanks him and leaves for duty. He really doesn’t mind everyone knowing they’re together.  _ That’s _ his boyfriend. Keith Kogane, leader of the Blades of Marmora, world’s sexiest and cutest half human half alien. He couldn’t be prouder. 

“Alright missy, we’ve got some work to do today.” He talks to Hana as they start to walk towards the control center, grinning when she babbles in response. “You’re a talkative one today. You gonna be nice when Keith comes over?” 

She whines and Shiro laughs a bit as he steps into the control center and up to his panel, the rest of the crew ready and waiting for him. “Alright Kiddo, I hear you loud and clear.”

“Are you having a conversation with your baby?” Coran asks from below and Shiro shrugs his shoulders. 

“She’s talkative today. Good for development.” He presses a kiss to the top of her head and takes a deep breath as he prepares to launch the day’s training simulation. Last time they ran this particular drill, Hana barfed over his control panel, but he’s feeling better about it this time. He gets ready to launch the sim and signal everyone to get ready when Hana squirms around on his chest and a telltale smell hits his nose. “Uh… One more minute, everybody.”

The crew groans and Shiro apologizes profusely before making a quick trip down the hall to the nearest bathroom to give Hana a diaper change. It’s a little… worse than usual to say the least as Shiro holds his breath and gets his squirming little one into a fresh diaper. “Are you feeling okay, sweet pea?” He frowns once he’s got her dress back on. “Tummy trouble?”

She cries in response and he picks her up with a sigh, bouncing her a few times in his arms and pressing kisses into her hair. “Poor thing, the work day will be over soon, ladybug. I’m gonna keep an extra eye on you.”

He retreats back to work with a heavy heart for the next couple hours. He doesn’t think she’s just being fussy, he thinks she might actually be feeling sick. She doesn’t doze off and she doesn’t settle down, just whining and occasionally escalating to a light cry. Shiro gets really concerned when he’s done with work for the day and takes Hana back to the quarters to check her temperature.  _ Shit _ . It’s just at ninety-nine, but any hint of a fever is bad news. Dinner with Keith is a non-option, but he’s not about to leave him in the dust (again). 

He gets a cool cloth on Hana’s head for a few minutes then changes quick into his street clothes before hauling a diaper bag over his shoulder and scooping her up to rush down the hall to Keith’s quarters. 

“Shiro?” Keith blinks when he opens the doors, still in uniform. “I haven’t changed yet, I thought I was coming to your place in an hou-”

“Don’t hate me.” Shiro winces. “I swear I am still working on giving you an amazing date to make up for last time, but Hana has a temperature. She’s never been really sick with me before a-and I… I’m freaking out, would you come to the pediatrician with me?”

“Oh shit.” Keith frowns. “Shiro, of course. Let’s go right now.”

“Thank you.” Shiro breathes a sigh of relief as Keith steps into the hall with him. “She has a great pediatrician at the hospital I got her from. They already have all of her information, so we need to take her there instead of the med bay.”

“Is she okay?” Keith asks as they hurry past the quarters and towards the offramp of the ship. 

“I mean, yeah, I’m sure, but I just…” Shiro sighs and cradles her close as they hurry off the ship and out towards the parking lot. “She’s never been sick before.”

“It’ll be okay. Let me drive you.”

“Are you sure?”

Keith nods and holds out his hand until Shiro gives him his keys and they rush over to the car. 

“Thank you so much for doing this, I’m sorry our plans are kind of falling through again.” Shiro says as he straps Hana into her car seat and jumps into the back to sit next to her. 

“I care about her too, Takashi. We’re not gonna have a date if she’s running a fever.” Keith says as he buckles himself in and starts the car. “Can you direct me?”

“Yeah, of course.” Shiro nods as Keith pulls out of the space. He hates to admit he’s feeling any relief at all with his daughter sick, but he feels so much better having Keith with him rather than dealing with this on his own. Hana’s crying in her car seat and he feels so helpless just cooing to her that it’ll be okay. He puts a hand on her forehead and feels his heart plummet when he feels she’s warmer. “Drive fast.”

Shiro holds her close and murmurs sweet affirmations he knows she can’t fully understand as Keith speeds them to the hospital. He feels like he’s talking more for his own benefit than for hers, but he doesn’t know what else to do. His daughter is sick and he’s completely helpless. 

“We’re here.” Keith says after whipping into the first parking spot he sees. “Are you okay?”

“Just worried.” Shiro sighs as he fumbles to unbuckle her from her car seat and scoop her up. “Shh, shh, it’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna get you better.” He coos when he climbs out of the car with her, slings her diaper bag over his shoulder, and jogs with Keith into the pediatric entrance. 

He’s lucky they recognize him and Hana. The head nurse rushes them into an examination room with cute ladybug wallpaper to wait for the pediatrician and Shiro can’t even find the words to tell Keith how comforting it is to have him there with him. 

“Poor cutie.” Keith pouts as he looks at Hana. “I’m sure she’s totally fine, Takashi. You take amazing care of her and all babies get sick now and then.”

“I know, but I just… I know so little about how she lived before I got her, I guess I’m paranoid about real health concerns coming up.” Shiro says as he presses a kiss to her damp hair. She gives a loud whine and he sets her down on the padded table. “You know, I think she might need a diaper change.” He sighs as he carefully undoes the snaps on her onesie. “Can you hand me a clean one?”

“Sure.” Keith nods, digging one out of the diaper bag and handing it over as Shiro opens the diaper and freezes. “What’s wrong?”

“She’s bleeding.” Shiro nearly chokes, looking at the tiny patch of blood in her diaper. “I-I don’t even know what that means, is she really sick? Is she-”

“Hey, hey.” Keith coos, hands flying up to squeeze Shiro’s shoulders. “It’s okay. We’re at the hospital, she’s gonna be fine. I’m sure the doctor will know exactly what’s up.”

“I must’ve done something wrong.” Shiro’s eyes well up as he carefully gets her into a clean diaper and leaves the other out, so the doctor can see the blood, fastening her onesie again and cradling his crying daughter back in his arms as he kisses her warm forehead. “I’m sorry, Sweetie.” He whispers. 

“Takashi… Baby, hey.” Keith frowns, reaching his hand over to cup Shiro’s cheek. “You’re an amazing dad, okay? Babies get sick. It happens.”

“Thanks, Keith, but I just can’t stand seeing her in pain.” Shiro sighs, leaning into his touch as he gently bounces Hana in his arms, trying to soothe her any way he can. 

“Mr. Shirogane?” A dark haired woman in green scrubs and a labcoat steps into the room and Shiro breathes a sigh of relief, sticking close to Keith as she shuts the door behind him. 

“That’s me.” Shiro nods. 

“I hear your daughter has a slight fever, is she showing any other symptoms?” The doctor asks as she takes Hana carefully from his arms and feels her forehead. 

“Y-Yeah, I was actually just giving her a quick diaper change and there was some blood.” Shiro gulps, gesturing to the diaper on the examination table. 

“She been fussy lately?”

“Extremely.” Shiro actually lets out a small laugh and sees Keith smile a bit out of the corner of his eye. “Way more than usual.”

“Hm.” The doctor lays her down and Shiro reaches for Keith’s hand as he watches her take Hana’s temperature, locking their fingers together and taking comfort in the warmth and softness of Keith’s hand in his own. He feels like he might be having a panic attack if he was doing this on his own, but with Keith, he feels calmer. Worried sick, but not freaking out. 

“I think your daughter has a minor UTI.”

“Huh?” Shiro blinks. “How would she get that?”

“Does she take long baths?”

“Not really.” Shiro shakes his head. “I bathe her every day for not too long and she gets a diaper change right away whenever she needs it.”

“Don’t worry, I have no doubt you take excellent care of this little gal.” The doctor smiles as she unfastens Hana’s diaper to take a look. “Some baby girls are just a little sensitive, a little extra susceptible to this kind of thing. This is the infant that was dropped off here not too long ago, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Shiro nods, squeezing Keith’s hand. “She um… She was in good health, but we don’t know much at all about the conditions she lived in before I got her.”

“We’ve all heard about this little mystery, for sure.” The doctor nods as Hana fusses on the table. “Poor thing. Mr. Shirogane, I’m going to prescribe an antibiotic. You can break the capsule and feed it to her in some applesauce and bring her back in a week to see her regular pediatrician. Bring her back immediately if she bleeds any more than what you showed me just now, monitor her temperature, her bath time, be extra vigilant about diaper changes. She’s very well taken care of, but these things happen.”

“Okay.” Shiro breathes, picking Hana up from the table and hugging her close as the doctor scribbles out a prescription. “Thank you, I was scared half to death.”

“Fever’s can be scary for little ones Hana’s age. Keep some baby Asprin on hand to control her temperature if it stays up after the antibiotics and I’m gonna give you a cool cloth to put on her head for now. Go straight to the pharmacy.”

“I’ve got it.” Keith says, taking the prescription from her and pressing a kiss to Shiro’s forehead when she turns to wet a cloth in the sink for them. “You feeling okay?”

“Thanks for coming with me.” Shiro manages to smile a little bit before Keith takes the cool cloth too and presses it to Hana’s head. 

“And here you go.” The doctor says, handing her card to Shiro. “I’m Dr. Singhe. If her condition worsens by any means feel free to ask for me.”

Shiro thanks her again and puts the card in his pocket, letting her exit the room before he turns to Keith and gives him a proper kiss. “I know you need to get back to work, can you run to the pharmacy with me?”

“Of course, Shiro.” Keith smiles back at him, nuzzling their noses together a little. “Let’s get going. I’ll come over tonight and help out.”

“Thank you so much. I can’t tell you enough, Keith.”

“I’m always here for you.” Keith shrugs. “Come on. Let’s run to CVS.”

Keith drives again and Shiro sits in the backseat, keeping the cloth on Hana’s head and cooing to her before they get parked and can run in to grab the prescription. Keith comes along when they get back to the Atlas, comes back to his quarters until Hana’s taken her medicine and her fever’s come down. Shiro’s heart feels so full watching Keith help him and the way Hana responds to him as they get her settled down, get her temperature under control. 

“I have to get back to work, but I’ll see you tonight, okay?” Keith says, flicking Shiro’s hair floof before leaning up for a kiss. “You good?”

“I’m good.” Shiro nods, blushing as he bounces Hana in his arms. “Thanks for everything.”

“Don’t worry about it. You can thank me tonight.” Keith winks before planting a goodbye kiss on both of their cheeks and heading for the door. “See you later, ‘kashi.”

_ Kashi _ . Shiro could melt on the spot. “See you, Keith.”

* * * * *

Shiro spends the rest of the day with Hana, pressing a hand to her forehead every other minute, cooing to her when she fusses and checking her diaper each time she cries for any blood. He knows he’s being paranoid, that her fever’s gone, that a UTI isn’t a big deal and easily treatable, but his heart starts hammering when he hears her cry now. What if her fever comes back when he’s not paying attention? 

By the time Keith knocks on the door again, Shiro hadn’t even realized it was evening already. Shit, he didn’t make dinner. Hana’s dozed off in his arms, so he puts her in the crib with one last feel to her forehead before he rushes to open the door for Keith. 

Fuck, why is he always stunning? Now he’s in these ripped black jeans and a sweater, his hair freshly braided. Shiro’s pretty sure there’s a spit up stain somewhere on his t-shirt. 

“I-I’m sorry, I lost track of time.” Shiro stutters as Keith steps inside and kisses his cheek. “Are you hungry? I forgot to make dinner, but we can order in.” 

“After.” Keith smiles as he snakes his arms around Shiro’s waist and squeezes. “Hana asleep?”

“Yeah for now.”

“Then can we go to your room?” Keith asks as he nuzzles his nose along Shiro’s jaw. “You were so cute and earlier and being so sweet, I want to help you relax.”

“Oh Baby, you don’t have to if you don’t-”

“I want to.” Keith says, taking Shiro’s hands and tugging him towards the bedroom. “While the baby’s asleep, you know?” 

“I mean, okay.” Shiro laughs as he follows Keith into the bedroom and pulls away to turn on the baby monitor, letting Keith kick his shoes off before he takes him by the waist and pulls him onto the bed. 

Keith is right, this feels like just what he needs. He’s been stressed and anxious all day, but Keith is warm against him, his kisses sweet, but deep as they undress each other piece by piece. Shiro can get lost in the comfort of him as he reaches for the lube in his nightstand drawer and gets Keith warmed up, kissing him and stroking him as Keith pants in his ear. 

“You’re so beautiful.” Shiro whispers with a trail of kisses down Keith’s neck as he works him open, three fingers already inside as Keith whimpers for him. The way his voice, usually so low and gravelly gets breathy and whiny when he’s like this, it makes Shiro feel like the luckiest person in the universe for getting to hear it. He sucks on Keith’s nipple just to hear his breath hitch and kisses over the scar on his shoulder and cheek. “You feel ready?”

“Yeah, fuck.” Keith breathes, wrapping his arms around Shiro’s shoulders as he slicks himself up. “Come fuck me.”

“I got you, Baby.” Shiro murmurs as he settles over him, reaching down to line his cock up and slowly push in, kissing Keith as he eases inside, giving him time to adjust. 

“Nnn, fuck, Takashi.” Keith sighs, his hand sliding down Shiro’s back. 

“Any pain?”

“No, I think I’m getting used to it.” Keith laughs, pecking his lips as he presses back against him. “Move.”

Shiro takes the order and licks into Keith’s mouth as he starts to thrust his hips, short shallow movements at first to help Keith truly adjust before he picks up the pace. God, he’s so  _ tight _ . Shiro loves everything about his physique. He loves that he’s smaller than him, so Shiro can encompass him completely, fully envelope him in his arms, but he’s so strong at the same time, all lean muscle. Shiro knows Keith can flip them in an instant if he wants to.  

“That’s so good, Takashi.” Keith whimpers, his head tipping back as Shiro fucks him a little faster, the mattress squeaking under them. “Oh my God, I know I-I’m quick, but fuck, I was thinking about coming over and doing this all day and you feel so good, I’m gonna… I-I’m gonna come. I’ll suck you off after, just fuck, make me come.”

Shiro’s heart thumps as he snaps his hips. “Yeah, Baby? Yeah, I got you, you can come for me.” He lifts his head to watch Keith’s face, relishing in how his mouth falls open and his cheeks flush. He knows exactly how to finish him off, a few deep hard thrusts, aiming up a bit will make Keith see stars, but just as he’s about to set the pace, the baby monitor crackles and Hana’s cry hits his ears. 

“Shiro, Shiro, please I’m right there.” Keith whines, tapping his shoulder to get his attention again. “Please, please Baby, just two seconds, just-”

“One minute, Baby, I have to go check her temperature.” Shiro says as he pulls out. 

“What?” 

Shiro’s heart hammers as he stumbles out of the bed and grabs his robe from the hook on the wall, yanking it on and tying the sash. Fuck, what’s the matter with him? What if her fever came back while he was distracted, fucking Keith while she’s sick?

“Shiro, are you serious?” Keith looks at him, sweaty and hair all frizzed up as he pulls the sheets up to cover himself. 

“I-I’ll be right back, I need to check on her.” Shiro says before hurrying out of the room, across the den to get to the nursery where Hana’s crying in her crib. “Oh Honey, shh, shh.” He coos as he scoops her up, taking her straight to the changing table and opening her onesie. “Poor thing, it’s okay, Daddy’s here.” He murmurs, feeling her forehead and breathing a sigh of relief when it isn’t warm. The diaper’s wet, but no blood, so he changes it quick and closes the onesie, scooping her up and rubbing her back. The crying stops with a few kisses and some cooing, so he sets her back in the crib with one more touch of her forehead before heading back to apologize to Keith. He’s halfway to the bedroom door when Keith steps out of it, dressed again and sniffling. “Keith?”

“I’m gonna go.” Keith swallows, looking at him with those same watery eyes Shiro had spotted when he walked into the restaurant late. 

“What?” Shiro’s face falls. “Baby, hey, I’m so sorry about that, let me finish you, I just-”

“I don’t want to finish.” Keith shrugs. 

“Keith… I couldn’t leave her, she’s sick. I’m supposed to check up on her just about every second.” Shiro’s stomach is turning. “I’ll make it up to you, okay? I promise, just let me-”

“That’s what you said about dinner.” Keith sighs. 

“I…” Shiro feels a pang in his chest. “I meant it, I’m working on it, but Hana-”

“I mean, weren’t you going to make a new dinner reservation or take me shopping or something?” Keith blinks his eyes fast to drive back the water in them. “I didn’t mind waiting for you to do that stuff especially when Hana got sick today, but I mean… You just couldn’t give me two more seconds of your attention just now? When I’m naked and begging for you and you just…” Keith’s mouth wobbles. “I asked you for seconds. Literal seconds of your time and you ditched me.”

“Keith.” Shiro’s eyebrows pushed together. He’s not sure what he’s feeling exactly, but he feels… mad? He’s hurt, but he’s getting pissed too. He had every intention of making a new dinner reservation and taking Keith shopping and he was even trying to come up with something else special to do for him, maybe a picnic at the park, some flowers, but then Hana got sick. Everything stops for something like that. “My child is sick. I feel horrible about the restaurant and I’ve been making real plans to do something special for you, but my baby had a fever.”

“I know that. I know she’s your priority and that she was sick today, but it’s a UTI, Shiro.” Keith glares at him. “It was a tiny fever and a little infection. I came over tonight fully prepared to stay up with you all night taking her temperature if needed, but you didn’t need to pull out of me when I’m giving myself to you to run out the door like that.”

But he  _ did _ need to, what if her fever had been back? “You’re this mad because you didn’t get to come?” It feels mean when Shiro says it, but what’s Keith saying feels mean too. He’s not a bad person for leaving bed to check on his daughter. He hasn’t been lying about making things up to Keith like he’s being accused of. 

The glare falls right off Keith’s face, his expression turning hurt in an instant. “Fucking you that night you kissed me was such a mistake.” Keith croaks, looking down at his shoes like he has to escape Shiro’s gaze. “Do you think I’m easy or something, like I don’t feel vulnerable during sex? It takes so much trust for me to open up to you and tell you how I feel and let you see me in that state a-and you just…” He waves his hands like he can’t find the words and shakes his head. “You thought that you could have me clinging to you, moaning your name, letting you have me in the most intimate way you can have a person, and just drop me like I’m nothing? I’ve told you a dozen times that I’m fine being your second priority, but I should still  _ matter _ .”

“Keith, I couldn’t just leave her to cry while-”

“It would be one thing if we were just getting started, but I was  _ begging you _ to stay with me for  _ two seconds _ and you wouldn’t. Two seconds, Shiro.” Keith’s breath hitches. “I’m gonna go.”

“Fine.” Shiro says through his teeth. “You’re right. You do tell me all the time you’re fine with my kid coming first, but you seem to throw a fit every time she actually does.” He regrets it as soon as he says it and he feels like he can actually see the crack he just made in Keith’s heart. He flinches at the words like Shiro had swung a fist at him before he turns on his heel and heads out with his hair a mess and hickies on his neck. Fuck. “Wait, Kei-” 

The door shuts. 

* * * * *

Keith can’t remember the last time he vented to Hunk. When he was pining after Shiro, he’d confided in him a few times, come to him when he was struggling with things he couldn’t share with Shiro - usually when they were  _ because _ of Shiro. He feels guilty walking down to the Paladin quarters. He shouldn’t be bothering him, but he needs to talk to someone. He doesn’t want to go cry into his pillow. 

“Keith?” Hunk answers the door in pajamas with a bowl of popcorn in hand. “Hey, you okay?”

“Can I come in?” Keith swallows. “Shiro and I had a fight and I… I-I don’t think we’re working and I’m freaking out.”

“Oh geeze, already?” Hunk frowns. “Didn’t you guys just start this whole thing?”

Keith feels nauseous. “Yeah.”

“Well come in, Dude. Come take a load off.”  

Keith comes in and wipes his eyes as they drop down on Hunk’s sofa together, hugging himself. “Am I a terrible person for wanting some of his attention when he has a kid? I-I mean, I know Hana’s the most important thing in his life, but it’s like I don’t even matter.” He sniffles. “I feel like such an asshole for even saying this.”

“You’re not an asshole. Why do you feel like you don’t matter?” Hunk asks, offering him the popcorn, but Keith shakes his head. 

“He almost stood me up on our first date because Hana spit up on her clothes and he had to change her and it made him late, which I get, but it was this fancy restaurant that he insisted on bringing the baby to and we got kicked out before we could even eat.” Keith swallows. “And he said he’d make it up to me and took me home and was really sweet all night and I’ve been waiting for him to tell me how he’s gonna make it up to me, or when he’s gonna take me out again, but then today, the baby had a fever. I-I went with him to the hospital and everything, I picked up her prescription with him and she had a super minor issue. I came over again in the evening and I-I was ready to spend the night taking the kid’s temperature and helping him out with anything he needed, but she was asleep, so I-I thought we could have sex.”

“And what? Did he not want to?”

Keith shrugs. “He did. We were having a really good time and I was feeling kind of like, you know, well none of these issues matters as long as now and then he just makes a tiny amount of time for me, you know? Like if he can make love to me like this after spending every other waking second on the baby, then even that’s enough, but literally, I was about to finish, I was telling him that I was  _ right there _ and he pulls out and jumps out of bed because the baby started crying.”

“Oh.” Hunk frowns. “That sounds like a little much, yeah.”

“I’m not a dick?”

“I don’t think you’re a dick, but watching Shiro around the Atlas with that kid, I think he has a lot of serious anxiety about being the perfect dad, you know? I mean he’ll drop anything if he thinks she needs something. He was probably super rattled if she was actually sick today.”

“I know.” Keith grimaces. “He is like that, but I just want  _ something _ , you know? I feel like he has this tunnel vision as soon as Hana starts crying or something, I just disappear and I told him that I was upset and he thought it was just because I didn’t get to orgasm.” He feels the lump in his throat start to ache again. “He didn’t even hear that I feel like he doesn’t care about me and he was just so mean about it, I…” He trails off and sniffs. “I-I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know either.” Hunk sighs. “Keith, you love him more than anyone. I don’t think you should let this relationship go or anything, but he’s gotta pull some weight in it. Let him know that. Let him know that he’s hurting you.”

“I tried to.”

“I know you did, Bud. Let it settle down a bit and tell him how it is. He’s gotta find a balance. That isn’t a change that can probably be made overnight, but he has to prove to you that he’s trying. He has to do something.”

Keith wipes his eyes and nods. He doesn’t want to give up on Shiro, but his heart hurts. He’s dreamed forever about being with Shiro, getting to hold him, kiss him. Now he dreams about cooking with him, moving in, getting to be Hana’s dad too one day, but he doesn’t feel like that’s what Shiro sees in the future. He doesn’t feel like Shiro thinks about the future with him at all. “Do you think he loves me?”

“I can’t read his mind.” Hunk says with a squeeze to Keith’s shoulder. “But I think he does. It sounds like he loved you more than his husband. If you ask Lance and Allura, he was pining after you like crazy, came up with this whole Atlas and Blades merger to be with you and practically had a heart attack the day you came to his baby shower. I think he’s still just too new to being a dad. He needs to figure out how to balance out the love he has for both of you.”

“Was he really pining that bad over me?” Keith smiles a little. “I mean, I thought all that was on his mind was the adoption all that time. It was all he talked about.”

“Well duh, he was talking to you, but trust me. All anyone joked about him before you moved back to Earth was how Admiral Shirogane suddenly has one brain cell if you mention Keith. We could make him turn red in an instant.”

Keith’s heart warms a little bit at that, a little reassurance that Shiro does love him too, he’s just… distracted. He’s still hurt and kind of pissed though. What Shiro said to him tonight was cruel. He’ll let him feel bad about it, but Hunk’s right. He isn’t going to walk away from this. “Can I crash on your couch?”

“Be my guest.” Hunk shrugs, kicking his feet up on the coffee table and reaching for the TV remote. “Transformers marathon?”

“How have you not had enough giant robot fighting in your life by now?”

“Hey now.” Hunk frowns as he flicks on the TV. “Don’t knock a classic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG i fell down the rabbit hole of zine work (check out @kattzine on Twitter !!! we have a full zine edition that features friends with benefits katt and includes pining sheith content!) also !! i got in to both bloom and sheith rock zine, so i've been really busy but super thrilled !! Chapter 9 will be up in a couple days elsewhere, as usual, check my Twitter to find that platform (@nuttinonice) Thank you all for sticking with this story!
> 
> Your comments mean the world to me, so if you feel up to it, drop me your thoughts and a kudos <3


	9. Make It Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> make up tiiiiime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry i left yall on a cliff hanger for so long holy shit, just moved back to college, life has been a little wacky

Shiro feels sick to his stomach after Keith leaves. How does he keep fucking this up over and over in the same exact way? He wants so badly to give Keith the attention he deserves, but he can’t help the panic that sets in when his daughter needs him, or when something might be wrong with her. He can’t believe that he accused Keith of being petty and selfish like that. Keith’s told him how he feels and Shiro just stomped all over it in the heat of the moment.   
Keith’s right. He doesn’t have to come sprinting to Hana every time she so much as whines, especially when they’re doing something like making love. Sure, they’ll have to stop sometimes if she wakes up, but Keith was right. Being vulnerable and right on the edge of coming like that only for Shiro to run out on him in an instant must have hurt. Keith looked heartbroken when Shiro said those awful things to him. All he can do now is send him a text apologizing and pray that Keith isn’t ready to kick him to the curb for this. Shiro can’t say he blames him if he is, but he’ll give him space this time. Begging for forgiveness just so he can feel better isn’t the right thing to do. He’ll make a plan to make things up. A real one this time, not some hypothetical or procrastinated to do list of things he can possibly do, a real plan that would make Keith happy. He’ll give Keith whatever time he needs too even if his chest aches already knowing he’s hurting. He’ll wait.   
* * * * *  
Keith feels sick the day after the fight. He feels the ghost of Shiro’s presence all over his body. The love marks on his neck, the soreness between his legs and he’s longing for the aftercare he didn’t get. He’s reassured by Hunk’s words and by the fact that Shiro texted him an apology, but he doesn’t know what to say next yet, so he doesn’t respond.   
He goes to work, avoids Shiro, tries to get his head on straight, but his heart sinks whenever he remembers that they’re fighting. It’s a double blow when he can’t talk to Shiro. He’s not just fighting with his boyfriend, he doesn’t have his best friend to talk to. He misses Hana too, jealous of her as he may be. He loves to spend time with the kid and who knows? He could miss a new word in her vocabulary, or God forbid, he might miss it if Shiro needs to go to the doctor with her again. The thought that really makes his stomach clench is what if Shiro had a nightmare last night?   
He knows even if Shiro did, it’s not his fault. He had every right to walk out with the way Shiro was talking to him, but it still worries him. It doesn’t make it hurt less, but the more he thinks about it, the more he knows Shiro didn’t mean what he said. He just hates that Shiro said it anyway.   
So he takes the next day too. Focus on work, you’ll talk to him when you’re ready. You can’t let him dominate your life. You can’t go back to talk to him if you’re still a mess yourself.   
So he takes the day after that. That’s when he finally catches a glimpse of Shiro. Shiro doesn’t see him, but Keith catches a glimpse of him walking by, Hana strapped to his chest, looking healthy and happy again, but Shiro looks undeniably sad. Keith thinks he’s been punished enough.   
* * * * *  
After hours spent on parenting blogs, Shiro has to admit he feels a little… called out. He’s got a plan to give Keith some of the attention he deserves, but no matter how he tries to swing it, there’s one thing that’s going to be required if he truly wants to do something special for him. He has to get a babysitter.   
It’s something he’s been so staunchly against, but every parenting site seems to have a consensus. Especially if he’s a single parent, Shiro might not be… the worst person if he left a child of Hana’s age with a sitter for one night. In fact, it’s a little… encouraged, much to his guilt and surprise. He found about a thousand articles emphasizing the importance of single parents finding time for themselves and things they enjoy, even if it’s small. Maybe he has been a little too wrapped up with his daughter lately, but God, he just can’t stomach the thought of something happening to her while he’s gone.  
Even so, Shiro takes the dive. He can’t just expect a balance to naturally happen with him and Keith, he has to make it to happen.   
“So… You, uh, you have experience with kids?” Shiro clears his throat as he stands in front of Ryan Kinkade and Nadia Razavi, the two sitting anxiously on his sofa as he sizes them up. He knows them well as pilots, but as babysitters, he’s nervous.   
“I have like eighteen little cousins.” Nadia shrugs. “Kinkade is more experienced with… plants, but kids love him. My little sister’s always all over him.”  
“It’s true, they do seem to have a… certain affection for me?” Kinkade shrugs. “I-It would be an honor to watch over your daughter, Sir.”  
“Are you two both CPR certified?” Shiro narrows his eyes. “Currently. Not some expired certificate you got in cadet training.”  
“Both currently certified.” Nadia nods.   
Shiro knows deep down that the insane amount of training the MFE’s have is more than enough to qualify them to watch a baby for a night, but this is his baby. Not to mention he won’t be able to keep his attention on Keith if he doesn’t feel confident about who he’s left Hana with. “What would you do if Hana started choking?”  
“Infant heimlich maneuver.”  
“What if she runs a fever?”  
“Baby Aspirin, cool cloth, call you, take her to the hospital if it’s above a hundred and two.”  
Shiro chews the inside of his cheek. “Kinkade, you gonna let her do all the talking?”  
“She’s better at it, Sir.”  
“Fair enough.” Shiro takes a deep breath. “I’ll give you two a call soon. It would be overnight, is that doable?”  
“It sure is.” Nadia nods. “We’re honored, Sir.”  
“Okay, get out of here.” Shiro laughs a little. “Thanks for surviving the interrogation.”  
“No problem.” She says with a smile as they rise off of the couch and leave his quarters with a quick salute.   
Shiro’s plan isn’t quite fully in place yet, but at least now he knows he can pull it off - if Keith will talk to him again. He’s about to go get dinner ready and wake Hana up for her bottle when there’s a knock on the door.  
* * * * *  
Keith sees Kinkade and Nadia walking out when he approaches Shiro’s quarters and he has half a mind to ask them how he’s doing - does he seem sad? What were they there for? But he doesn’t feel like he knows them well enough to ask. Their loyalty lies with Shiro. Either way, even if he had a little more information going in, he’s here to talk. Shiro can tell him himself how he’s feeling and he uh… also feels like he carries a lot less authority dressed like this - baby blue skinny jeans and an oversized sweater.   
His heart hammers when he knocks on Shiro’s door. Huh. It’s been a while since he’s had to knock.   
“Did you guys forget something- Oh!” Shiro startles when he sees Keith standing in front of his quarters, but his face quickly goes soft, a mix of guilt and relief. “Keith, you’re here.”  
“Yeah.” Keith nods. “Can I uh… come in? Is the baby up?”  
“She’s sleeping. Can we talk?”  
“It’s what I came here to do.” Keith says as he walks right by him and sits on the couch, trying to pretend he’s not on the verge of an anxiety attack himself.   
“Can I get something to drink? Anything?” Shiro asks and he has that same nervous tone to his voice that he had when they first decided to date. It’s cute.   
“I’m good.” Keith pats the couch next to him. “Come here.”  
“Keith, I’m so so sorry for that shit I said.” Shiro says as he hurries over to sit next to him. “I didn’t mean a word of it. I was just worried sick and upset and mad at myself and-”  
“I know.” Keith says with a small smile. “I know why you said all that.”  
“Do you hate me?”  
“I could never hate you.” Keith moves a little closer and puts his hand on Shiro’s knee, squeezing a little to put him at ease. “You hurt me with all that. I had to really think about it to remind myself that you love me, or at least I hope you do. You know that I respect your role as a dad, but it’s killing me feeling like I don’t matter to you after all we’ve been through.”  
“Keith.” Shiro breathes. “Baby, of course you matter to me. I love you, I just… Keith, I can’t tell you how happy you make me, or how much I love being with you, but when I hear Hana cry, or I think anything is wrong, I just… I-I get this tunnel vision and I get so scared that she needs me and I’m not there, but that doesn’t mean you don’t matter to me.”  
“I know.” Keith sighs. “It’s just… It’s hard not to feel that way, you know? I’m content to be your second priority, but I still feel like I did after the restaurant, like I need at least some semblance of attention from you. I deserve that.”  
“You do.” Shiro says. “I don’t want you to feel like a second priority anymore. That’s my fault. I never should have even approached things that way. You’re not just the number two in my life, you and Hana are both my family. You’re both my top priority and I’m gonna fix this if you’ll let me try just one more time, Keith.” He takes Keith’s hand in his and squeezes, looking at him with desperation. “Can I?”  
Keith feels his cheeks warm as he locks his fingers with Shiro’s. “How are you gonna fix it?”  
“I got Kinkade and Nadia to babysit.” Shiro swallows. “I want to take you on a real date. Just the two of us. I-I was waiting for you to be ready to talk, but if you want to, I have a whole picnic planned and a hotel to book and a bunch of other stuff if you want it.”  
“...You’d leave Hana with a sitter for me?”  
Shiro nods his head. “You were right and I’ve been acting crazy. I can’t promise I won’t be nervous about leaving her, or that I won’t call the babysitters to check in, or that we wouldn’t have to leave if there was an emergency, but a real emergency. I’m not running out on you again. I’m gonna make the time for us because, fuck, I love you, Keith.” He looks so nervous as he looks up at him and Keith can feel himself blushing. Shiro was so adamant about not leaving Hana with a sitter, but he’s willing to do it for him?   
“I… I-I’d like that.” Keith swallows before Shiro yanks him into a hug. “Agh, Shiro.” He croaks, tapping his shoulder as his boyfriend’s strength begins to overpower him. “Takashi, Baby. Can’t breathe.”  
“Sorry!” Shiro squeaks, letting him go and just keeping a hand on his shoulder. “I just… I’ve fucked this up so many times already, Keith. How do you keep giving me another chance?”  
“I think that’s exactly what I said to you when I was fifteen.” Keith laughs, leaning in to plant a reassuring kiss on Shiro’s lips. Hunk was right. This guy loves him and Keith fucking loves him back. “When can we go on this big fancy date?”  
“Oh you have no idea what’s about to hit you.” Shiro grins. “I’m talking a picnic at the park, lingerie shopping, dinner, and then a hotel room all to ourselves, breakfast in the morning before heading home.”  
Keith’s face turns red. He’s gonna get to do all that with Shiro? “Tomorrow’s Saturday.”  
“I’ll text the sitters.” Shiro says, pressing a sweet kiss to Keith’s lips and holding him there a moment before he pulls his phone out and follows through on his word. “It’ll be the first night I spent away from the baby, but I think we’ll uh… keep our minds occupied once we get to the hotel.”  
“You’re such a slut.” Keith teases, giving him a kiss on the cheek before he stands up from the couch. “Come on, isn’t it time for Hana’s bottle?”  
“Y-Yeah, um, would you stay for dinner? I made ramen. The real kind. Miso broth, naruto, and eggs. Just how you like it.”  
“Sounds perfect.” Keith says and he feels so relieved for the first time in days. Shiro’s eyes are filled with so much warmth and devotion, he feels more secure than he has in weeks. “Can I go get Hana?”  
“Sure, if you want to.” Shiro smiles at him. “I’ll go get your food ready.” He stands up too and pulls Keith into one more hug, a soft one this time with an added gentle kiss to Keith’s forehead. “I’m sorry again for everything. Are we okay?”  
“We’re okay, Takashi.” Keith smiles as he tucks his head into Shiro’s neck and breathes in the scent of his cologne, the comforting aroma he’d been missing like hell alone in his bunk lately. “We’re great.”  
* * * * *   
As soon as Keith leaves for the night, Shiro books the hotel room and gets confirmation from Nadia and Kinkade for babysitting. He has to admit, his stomach turns at the thought of leaving Hana alone for so long, but he has to do it. Not just for Keith, but for himself too. He needs to take a step back. He won’t be the best dad for Hana if he’s constantly anxious and paranoid and this has got to be his last chance with Keith. He can’t fuck things up this time.   
He gets up early the next morning to feed Hana and take a shower, making sure he’s prepared for anything Keith wants to do even if it means a lot of time spent shaving. He still has one good outfit clean, some baby blue jeans and a pink button down that he knows Keith likes, so he gets dressed and spends the morning with Hana until it’s time to go.   
He peppers her in kisses and whispers a dozen promises to be home soon before handing her to Nadia and heading out, down the hall to pick Keith up in his own quarters.   
Moments after knocking, the doors slide open and Keith is there grinning at him with the world’s brightest eyes and his cheeks all rosey. He looks so excited, it melts Shiro’s heart and he quickly realizes, shit, he’s pretty excited too. Keith has to have been ordering new clothes online or something because today it’s red jeans and a tight white sweater. He looks adorable. Shiro almost wishes he had a fireplace just so he could snuggle up next to it with Keith in this outfit. “Ready?”  
“Born ready.” Keith smiles, slinging an overnight bag over his shoulder and taking Shiro’s hand in his. “Where to first?”   
“Shopping. I want you to have a whole collection.” Shiro smiles right back as he steps in close and presses a kiss to Keith’s cheek. “Today is all for you, Baby. You can get whatever you want.”  
“Wow, my very own sugar daddy.”  
“Shut up.” Shiro laughs as he squeezes Keith’s hand and they head off to disembark from the ship. “You make the same amount as me.”  
“You’re the one taking me lingerie shopping. Sounds like a sugar daddy to me.” Keith gives Shiro’s hand a squeeze and plants a kiss on his shoulder as they walk together. “All jokes aside, I’m really excited for today though. I appreciate it.”  
“Don’t treat it like a favor. You deserve this.” Shiro stops for a moment to duck down and kiss him properly, waiting until he knows Keith is blushing before pulling away, not caring for any of the passing coworkers that just saw them kiss. “I’m excited too.”  
* * * * *  
Shiro doesn’t know if he’s going to survive this trip to the mall. He keeps his word and takes Keith somewhere nice. Really nice. The store is just lingerie for women and men and it has a private dressing space where Keith can dip behind the curtain and strut out to let Shiro have a look at everything he tries on. To say Shiro is on the brink of a stroke would be an understatement. He’s sitting in an armchair, letting Keith try on anything he wants and his mouth has been watering since they walked in the door.   
“I think this one’s too tight.” Keith blushes, stepping out from behind a red velvet curtain to let Shiro see him in a sheer red lace bodysuit, the outline of his dick completely visible as Shiro gawks at him.   
“It’s… definitely tight.” Shiro swallows.  
“Yeah?” Keith asks, walking up and turning around, so Shiro can see how it clings to the curve of his ass. “You like that don’t you?”  
“If you talk dirty to me in here, I think I might die.”  
“I’d actually grind up on you in this just to fuck with you, but I don’t think I’m buying this one. Gimme a sec.” Keith turns around and plants a kiss on the corner of Shiro’s mouth before retreating back behind the curtain.   
Shiro blushes as he listens to Keith rummage, wondering what he’ll put on next. He can’t wait for the hotel tonight, to rip off whatever Keith has on and give him the fuck of his life.   
“Okay, you’re buying me this.” Keith says, walking out in a white lace thong and matching sheer top that clings to his skin, showing off the pink of his nipples behind the thin fabric. God, he looks good in white.   
“Jesus.”  
“Right?” Keith does a little spin and walks up to where Shiro’s sat, climbing right into his lap and kissing him.   
“Mmph, Keith.” Shiro mumbles against him. “Baby, don’t.”  
“You have such a boner right now.” Keith grins, reaching down to slide his hand over the bulge in Shiro’s jeans, squeezing it until Shiro gasps. “Cute.”  
“We’re in public, Baby. Christ.” Shiro breathes as Keith palms over him.   
“I have a bit of a kink for that.” Keith winks before he takes his hand away and climbs off. “Buy me this and the black bodysuit with the thong. We’ll check out when your boner goes down.”  
“You’re mean.” Shiro pouts as Keith disappears behind the curtain once more to change back. A public sex kink, huh? Keith said Shiro would have to earn his kinks. Guess that’s the first one.   
Shiro buys Keith the pieces that he wants once he’s changed and they’ve both cooled down a bit. He has to admit it feels nice to be a little possessive. He keeps his arm around Keith’s waist as they leave the mall, shamelessly touting him on his arm while Keith carries a bag clearly marked with the logo of a lingerie shop. It feels nice. He’s so proud to be with Keith.   
“What’s next?” Keith asks once they’re back in the car, leaning over to nibble a little on Shiro’s ear. Dick.   
“There’s a picnic waiting for us at the park.”  
“Waiting for us?” Keith cocks an eyebrow. “How’d you swing that?”  
“There’s an app.” Shiro laughs. “It’s kind of like Uber Eats, you uhh… you order food, schedule a time and place, they go and set up a romantic picnic for you.”  
“Earth really changed a lot while we were gone.”  
“Yup. Buckle up.” Shiro goes to shift the car into reverse when his phone buzzes in his back pocket and his heart pounds. Hana. “One sec.” He stutters as he digs his phone out, heart pounding in his throat when he sees it’s a message from Nadia, but he opens it up to find a texted photo of Hana playing peek-a-boo with Kinkade and breathes a sigh of relief. She’s doing great.   
“Everything good?”  
“Everything’s perfect.” Shiro smiles, giving Keith one more kiss before he pulls out of the parking space. “On to date destination part two.”  
“You’re such a dad.”  
“You bet I am.”  
It’s an easy drive, a pleasantly quiet one. Shiro drives with his hand on Keith’s thigh, squeezing ever so often, or stroking lightly as they make their way to the park. He hopes the app actually works and he’s not going to be taking Keith to a completely empty picnic site, but he’d read the reviews extensively. All should go according to plan, although he does furrow his brow a bit at some of the clouds looking in the distance. They won’t be too long.   
He parks near the grass at the park and even walks around to open Keith’s door for him, which makes them both laugh. “I guess chivalry isn’t dead after all.” Keith teases when he hops out and gives Shiro a kiss on the cheek.   
“You just wait.” Shiro smiles, taking Keith’s hand to lead him over to the large tree at the center of the park, a banyan that stretches and hangs so wide, it creates the perfect amount of shade for the picnic that’s waiting for them, as promised, underneath it. He takes Keith all the way up to the base of the tree where a basket and a bottle of wine with two glasses are waiting, a rich red wine he thinks Keith will like. Around them, there’s families, kids, dogs, but here under the tree, it’s like their own little peaceful slice of the area.   
“What’d you get?” Keith asks as he plops down on the blanket and folds his legs, his face bright and adorable as Shiro sits next to him and opens the basket.   
“I don’t know exactly what you like since we uh… spent most of our time eating either in the Garrison cafeteria or living off of space goo.” Shiro takes a cheese plate from the basket with some bread and crackers before removing two wrapped paninis and handing one to Keith. “Do you like it?”  
“I love it.” Keith beams, scootching closer to Shiro as he unwraps the sandwich and moans around his first bite. “You’re forgiven.” He mumbles with a full mouth.   
“That’s all it took? A good panini?” Shiro smiles when Keith leans his head on his shoulder, breathing in the scent of his shampoo.   
“I mean, no, but actually, I don’t want you to feel bad.” Keith sighs, nuzzling his cheek against Shiro’s shoulder. “Today is really nice and leaving Hana with a sitter is a big deal for you. I appreciate it a lot.”  
Shiro resists the urge to check his phone for any babysitter texts and reaches for the wine instead, pouring them each a glass. “I’m sorry it took me so long to make time. We’ll do this more often.”  
“I’d like that.”  
They sit together for a while, eating and drinking, Shiro’s floating hand stroking Keith’s hair as he watches the clouds move in over their heads. Please don’t rain, he begs inside his head. He can’t afford another ruined date, whether it’s his fault or not. He feels like he’ll die if he sees Keith’s disappointed face one more time and already, he can envision Keith getting soaked, cranky and bummed out about what was supposed to be a romantic day.  
When the first rain drop hits his nose, Shiro feels his stomach flip, looking over at Keith with near-panic on his face.  
“Huh.” Keith looks up at the sky through the branches of the tree. “It’s late afternoon already. Want to hit the hotel early? Are we able to?”  
“Uh, yeah, we can check in now.” Shiro blushes. “You want to?”  
“Sure.” Keith smiles. “Hotel, dinner later, then back to the room. Sounds kind of perfect actually.”  
“Okay then.” Shiro smiles right back and gets to work packing up the picnic, storing everything in the basket and quickly folding the blanket before they make the mad dash back to the car. It starts pouring halfway there, but they both jump in, damp and laughing as Shiro gives Keith a wet kiss and starts the car, relieved that Keith is still smiling and giggling, seemingly unbothered by the rain.  
Shiro doesn’t miss how Keith stays close, clinging to him as much as one can from the passenger seat of a car as they drive to the hotel. Keith Kogane, one of the best pilots in the universe, pretending to be frightened of driving through a thunderstorm. His heart warms.   
They run into the hotel together, dragging their bags behind them as they rush through check-in. Shiro does check his phone in the elevator, texting the babysitters to ask if the storm is upsetting Hana, but they send back a picture of her playing with the noise cancelling headphones on and all seems to be well. He lets his attention drift back to Keith as they hurry down the hall to their room. There’s something about the way he looks with his hair wet and his face flushed that has Shiro practically ascending as he swipes their key card and opens the door for Keith.   
“I’ll be right back.” Keith says with a sweet smile as he takes the shopping bag of lingerie from Shiro’s hand and plants a kiss on his cheek. “Wait for me, alright?”  
“I’ll be waiting.” Shiro’s heart thumps as he watches Keith disappear into the bathroom. He sets his cellphone on the nightstand, within reach for an emergency, but otherwise out of mind. He puts their overnight bags on the armchair by the window, then strips out of his wet clothes and flops onto the bed with a sigh, feeling the fresh linen against his skin, enjoying the absence of a baby monitor next to him as he rests, waiting for Keith. It feels good to have time for himself, for his relationship with Keith.   
Maybe the mommy blogs were right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry this took so long, but chp. 10 is p much done and if you go to my twitter @nuttinonice you can find the platform where i post these chapters first! Comments and kudos really keep me writing, so if you're still enjoying this fic pls let me know <3


	10. Sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER COLLEGE IS LITERALLY BRUTALIZING ME THIS SEMESTER A A A A

“Does it look as good on me now as it did in the dressing room?” Keith teases when he steps out of the bathroom, clad in the white lingerie outfit they’d just bought him. White panties with a sheer white top to match, his nipples pink and pebbled from the cold of the rain underneath and his dick already sporting a semi as Shiro gawks naked from the bed. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“Keith.” Shiro breathes. How does the same lingerie look even  _ better _ now than it did a couple hours ago? “God, Baby. Come here.” 

They’re up on a higher floor, the curtains open as an early evening storm rages right outside. Sometimes thunder makes Shiro flinch, but he can hardly hear it at all right now as he watches Keith saunter up to him and crawl onto the lush hotel bed, letting Shiro smooth his hand over the curve of his ass and kiss his lips, chilled like his skin. 

“Let me warm you up.” Shiro whispers with a smile, pulling Keith’s body against his own to smother him in warm soft kisses, over Keith’s jaw, up the line of the scar on his cheek, then back down his neck. Keith purrs at the touch, Shiro’s hand still pawing at his ass as they come together in a proper kiss. Shiro can’t stop opening his eyes into the kiss, looking at how gorgeous Keith looks in white lace. He wants to shower him. Keith has been through  _ so much _ , Shiro wants to buy him anything he’s ever wanted, treat him like a king. “Come here.” He says in a soft voice, gently pushing Keith onto his back and crawling over him. 

“What are you up to?” Keith smiles, reaching up to twirl Shiro’s hair floof around his finger before he lets it bounce back. 

“You look good enough to eat, I might as well.” Shiro grins as he slides down the bed, pulling the panties down and hooking the waist under Keith’s balls to reveal his cock without taking off the lingerie. 

“Oh.” Keith sighs when Shiro takes his dick in his mouth, tonguing at his slit before sinking down on him. “Oh  _ fuck _ , Takashi, yes Baby.”

Shiro hums at the sound of his first name and breathes through his nose as he bobs his head, feeling Keith’s dick twitch and harden in his mouth, pre-come dribbling onto his tongue for Shiro to lap up like the droplets of a melting popsicle. He’s not stopping at just a blowjob though. This is Keith’s day. He pulls his mouth away and kisses down the length before he pulls the panties back up, mouth watering at the wet spot Keith’s dick makes against the thin white fabric. “Get your hips up for me, Angel.”

Keith grabs a spare pillow, radiating sheer delight as he puts it under his hips and spreads his legs wide, knowing what Shiro’s about to give him. 

Shiro pulls the thong to the side and sighs at the sight of Keith’s puckered pink hole. He’s told Keith before that he doesn’t expect him to do any manscaping on his behalf (even though Shiro does it himself) but still, he finds Keith waxed and bleached, practically begging to be licked. “Oh Keith, Baby.” Shiro murmurs before leaning in and lapping at the entrance, Keith’s thighs warming his face. 

“ _ Unnf _ , Takashiiiii.” Keith struggles not to squirm as Shiro licks into him, hardly penetrating, but the filthiness of the act turns him on more than the actual stimulation. 

Shiro groans against him, showing Keith how much he loves it down here, grinding his own hips down against the mattress in a desperate attempt for friction as he eats Keith out with as much vigor as his jaw will allow. He licks upwards, massaging Keith’s perineum, peppering it in kisses too cute for what they’re currently doing before he licks down again, over the folded muscle to hear every musical gasp and whimper Keith has to offer. 

“Shiro, Shiro, Baby, prep me.” Keith pants. “You’re gonna make me come before anything’s even inside me.”

Shiro keeps licking, but holds his hand out until he feels Keith press the tube of lubricant into his hand, then pulls away. “Whatever you want.” He wipes his face with a wink and uncaps the lube, spreading a generous amount onto his human fingers. The hover hand can vibrate, but he prefers to use his human hand. He can be gentler with it, more deliberate with his movements. 

“Takashi?” Keith asks, his voice softer than before, almost shy. When Shiro looks up at him, he’s blushing. 

“Yeah?” Shiro raises an eyebrow. 

“You know how I said you had to earn my kinks?” Keith’s face goes from pink to red.

“Yeah.” Shiro swallows, his heart thumping. He thought he’d earned all he could for the day with Keith’s casual public sex confession earlier in their date, but more? His cock practically twitches at the idea. “Is there something you want me to do for you, Sweetheart?”

Keith gives a weak nod. “It’s not really that kinky, I just feel embarrassed about it.”

“What do you want?” Shiro asks in a kind voice, stroking his hover hand up Keith’s thigh to soothe him, making sure he warms the metal before touching Keith’s sensitive skin. 

“I-I like praise.” Keith whispers like a secret. It is a secret, Shiro supposes, but Keith gives the request in such a gentle voice, you’d think he was sharing something forbidden. “A lot. And I like when you call me those cutesy names in bed.”

“Yeah?” Shiro palms his hover hand over Keith’s dick, still straining the fabric of sheer white panties. “I can do that for you.”

“Okay.” Keith lets out a little laugh at himself and rolls his hips, an invitation for Shiro to finally remove the panties, which he tosses to the floor. Keith strips himself out of the top as well and lies back, fully naked as Shiro’s slick fingers begin to work him open. 

“You take me so well, Beautiful.” Shiro says, resisting the urge to touch himself as he pushes his first finger inside and curls it upward, earning a soft moan from Keith, barely audible, but still there. “You look so good like this, all spread out for me, being such a good boy.”

Keith moans louder that time and Shiro introduces a second finger, twisting them around inside to loosen Keith up, waits until he feels the resistance subside before giving him a third. 

“You’re so tight, Angel. You must feel so full right now.”

Keith gives a nod and a whimper, back arching slightly as Shiro pulses his fingers against his prostate. He’s memorized where it is and the angles that make Keith preen. He sees the way Keith’s dick smears a wet spot where it’s hard against his stomach and suppresses a moan of his own. He’s getting desperate. 

“Think you’re ready to take me now?”

“Yes please.” Keith whines and folds his knees as Shiro slicks himself up.

Shiro lays over him and licks up Keith’s neck on his way to give him a kiss, swiping his tongue over Keith’s bottom lip as he lines himself up and begins to push inside. “You’re such a good boy for me.” He breathes into Keith’s ear once he’s fully seated. “Does it hurt?”

Keith shakes his head and sighs as Shiro gives one shallow thrust. “Feels good.”

“Good boy.” Shiro repeats as he thrusts in a little harder and Keith sighs, wrapping his arms around Shiro’s shoulders. “You feel so amazing, Angel.”

They come together in a kiss as they find their rhythm together, the headboard of the bed tapping against the wall as Shiro fucks into him, moaning against Keith’s neck and murmuring words of praise into his ear. Keith is still so warm and tight around him, he can hardly believe that Keith is taking him without any pain. He uses his hover hand to stroke Keith’s cock in time with his thrusts, touching Keith just the way he likes with the subtlest hint of vibrations in his grip. 

“Takashi.” Keith gasps, his back arching off the bed and his nails digging into Shiro’s skin as Shiro sets a punishing pace, Keith’s thighs trembling as he squirms on the brink of overstimulation. 

“You’re taking me so good, Baby. So good.” Shiro grunts, trying to stem off his own orgasm to give Keith his first. “God, you’re such a good boy for me, Baby. Are you gonna come for me?”

Keith practically sobs out a ‘yes’ and buries his face in Shiro’s neck, writhing against him. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He wraps his legs around Shiro’s hips. “Shiro, I’m right there.”

“Yeah?” Shiro strokes him a little faster, fucks in a little deeper and kisses Keith’s temple, giving Keith his full devotion and attention, as if to make up for leaving him hanging last time. “Come for me, Sweetheart. Let me see how good you feel.”

Keith takes what Shiro gives him, his moans rising in pitch and volume until he comes with a cry, clinging to Shiro and shuddering through his orgasm. Shiro follows suit, groaning as he comes deep inside of Keith. They rock together through the pleasure, both panting and Shiro relishing in the feeling of Keith’s come against his chest and stomach. God, he loves this man. 

“Wow.” Keith sighs, going limp in Shiro’s embrace as he presses a few kisses to the scar on his nose. “I really needed that.”

“It was good for you?”

“It was amazing.” Keith laughs as he lies back, blushing when Shiro pulls out of him, his come leaking obscenely onto the wet spot below Keith’s hips. “Maybe we should have put a towel down.”

“They can remake it while we’re at dinner.” Shiro says as he lies down next to him, leaning in for a kiss that Keith melts right into. He feels so warm and satisfied, he doesn’t know if he’ll actually be able to get up for dinner. He might never leave this bed. A quick pang of guilt strikes his chest at the thought. He has a daughter at home, but he shakes the shame off and snuggles into Keith instead. It’s one night. He’s allowed to have one night. 

“Thank you for everything today.” Keith says as he wraps his arms around Shiro and kisses the top of his head. “It means so much to me.”

“Well we’re not done yet.” Shiro teases. “I’m still dragging you into a bubble bath at some point and we’ve got our dinner reservation.”

“I love you.” Keith breathes. “So much, Takashi.”

“I love you too, Keith.”

They stop talking for a while after that, listening to the storm together, Shiro’s head rested on Keith’s chest. Keith’s fingers are combing through his hair and Shiro feels bad, like he isn’t giving Keith enough aftercare, but he can’t bring himself to move. The touch is too nice, lulling him into a deep relaxed state, all worries and anxieties in the distance as he lets Keith hold him. Every time Keith presses a kiss to his forehead, Shiro feels himself grin like an idiot. Everything about him is so loving, Shiro just wants to melt into a puddle. 

They eventually get up to get ready, stepping into the shower together where Shiro washes Keith’s hair and rubs his shoulders. Keith is too spent to get anything up again, but Shiro still gives his dick a few loving strokes and touches, just a sweet motion as they share kisses under the water. “Hey.” Shiro smiles as he pushes the wet hair out of Keith’s face. 

“Hey.” Keith laughs. “What’s up?”

“I know you’re going to be sore for a while, so… after dinner, if you’re still up for another round uh…” Shiro feels himself blush. “You could, uh, maybe fuck me?”

“Yeah?” Keith cocks an eyebrow, snaking one hand around to palm at Shiro’s ass. “I forgot you like to bottom too. I’ll fuck you later.”

“Only if you want to.”

“Have you seen your ass? Of course I want to.” Keith says, giving it a pinch before he lets go to turn the water off. “Let’s get dressed, I’m starving after what you put me through.”

“Fucked your appetite back, huh?”

“Damn right.”

* * * * *

Keith feels like he’s floating. It’s  _ everything _ he’s wanted from Shiro. The date so far had already made him so happy, he could cry if he wanted to. The lingerie made him feel beautiful and wanted, the picnic made him feel like Shiro really did value their time together as much as Keith did, and the sex?  _ God _ , the sex. If he had a highlight reel of his life’s best orgasms thus far, tonight is easily in the top three. Just under the night he discovered a vibrator for the first time and the very first night he’d slept with Shiro - all the years of pent up pining really made an orgasm more powerful. 

At dinner, he feels like a school girl. It’s a fancy Italian place (a different one) and Shiro orders for him, gets him a glass of wine and strokes his ankle with his foot under the table. He keeps blushing, laughing too hard at Shiro’s dorky jokes, but he can’t help himself. He’s  _ so _ happy. He even thinks he might be confident enough to ask Shiro the question that’s been on his mind since this whole thing began. His only hesitation is he doesn’t want to kill the mood if Shiro’s reaction isn’t what he wants to hear, but when he sees Shiro check his phone to make sure there’s no emergency at home, he figures it’s alright to ask. 

“Can I ask you something?” Keith asks, feeling his voice go shy again like it had in the bedroom earlier. 

“Sure.” Shiro says, putting his phone away and giving Keith his full attention. “Is something wrong?”

“No, not really, I was just…” Keith looks down at his garlic bread. “I was just wondering about something.”

“What is it?”

“I just…” Keith bites his lip. “I wanted to know what you think the um… the future is. Regarding me and Hana.”

“Oh.” Shiro’s eyes light up as he reaches across the table to hold Keith’s hand. “Baby, I didn’t know that was even a question for you.”

“What do you mean?” Keith feels himself blush. 

“Keith, my daughter loves you.” Shiro says with the softest smile. “I want you to be a part of her life. It’ll probably… be a long time before we get there, but I mean… I love you, you know? I have every intention of being with you for the rest of my life if you’ll take me, so of course I feel like I’d want you to adopt her one day. Maybe in a couple years.”

Keith breathes out a sigh of relief and nods his head. “Great, okay.” He lets out a nervous laugh. “That’s, um, that’s what I was hoping for.”

“Of course, Keith.” Shiro squeezes his hand. 

Keith spends the rest of dinner on cloud nine. He feels so secure now. He knows Shiro isn’t going to magically be perfect now. It still won’t be easy to balance their relationship with a baby, but now the effort is being put in and he knows that Shiro is thinking long term too. 

He does all the cheesy shit he wants to, feeding Shiro pieces off of his plate, leaning across the table to kiss him, taking a napkin to wipe a little sauce from the corner of Shiro’s mouth. 

When they make it back to the hotel, Keith has Shiro’s tie off in seconds, shoving him back onto the bed. He revels in how different Shiro is when he bottoms. The way he opens up and relaxes, moans softer and he gets so  _ needy _ . He pleads for more, he clings to Keith like his life depends on it and Keith is drunk on the experience of Shiro’s ass, so tight and full as he fucks into him. They collapse together when they finish, sharing slow lazy kisses for what feels like hours until they slip into a bubble bath and Keith melts for good. 

He feels so good and taken care of, but he loves to take care of Shiro too, kissing over the scars on his shoulders and up his neck to make him feel nice. 

They slip into the bath robes in the closet afterwards and order room service for dessert, Keith curling up around Shiro as he calls the babysitters to say goodnight to Hana and check in before bed.

“So we can do this again next month?” Keith smiles when Shiro hangs up the phone, nuzzling his cheek against his chest. 

“Sure, Baby. I’ll take you out plenty more in the meantime though.” Shiro assures him, stroking Keith’s back through the robe as he ducks down and gives him a kiss. “Do you want to stay over tomorrow night? Hana misses you.”

“Yeah.” Keith grins as he snuggles in a little closer and shuts his eyes. “Can I fall asleep here?”

“All the lights are on.”

“Mhm.” 

“Sure, Sweetheart.” Shiro laughs and Keith’s heart lifts at the pet name. “If you have time, you can stop by to say hi to her in the morning.”

“I’d love that.” Keith yawns. “Kinda miss her too.”

“I bet she misses tugging on your hair.” Shiro teases. “You’re so good with her.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Of course.” Shiro gives him a squeeze. “Get some sleep. You won’t get much of it tomorrow if you’re staying over.”

“Fair enough.” Keith mumbles against Shiro’s chest, already half asleep in Shiro’s embrace. He doesn’t say that he actually can’t wait to be kept up half the night tomorrow. He likes it too much, helping with the baby, getting to play house with Shiro. 

Although, he certainly won’t complain about the occasional hotel night.

* * * * *

When they go back to work, Shiro feels like he’s lighter on his feet. Keith gives him a kiss when they pass each other and always makes Hana smile. Everything had gone fine with the babysitters and while Shiro isn’t eager to leave her very often, he feels better now that he knows it’s not the end of the world to take a night off every now and then.

The night Keith comes over, Shiro thinks he’ll sleep like a baby. Hana goes down easy, they watch a movie together on the sofa under a shared blanket with a bowl of popcorn. It’s perfect domestic bliss when they slip into bed together, the baby monitor on the nightstand and Keith’s head on his chest. 

He drifts off without even thinking about it. 

But then he’s in the arena again. It seems to be some of his most peaceful evenings that lead to his worst nightmares because it’s flashback after flashback. He sees the faces of humanoid aliens he killed,  _ innocent _ ones that he was forced to fight against for his own life. He remembers all of them, but then he hears Keith’s voice, echoing in the arena over the cheers and cries of the Galra crowd. 

“ _ Shiro! _ ”

Then, there’s Keith. Keith standing in front of him. Keith standing in the arena, looking at him with wide, tear filled, terrified eyes.  _ He’s _ the alien Shiro has to kill next. He’s his-

“Shiro!”

Shiro bolts up in bed with a gasp, chest heaving as he looks around the room, tries desperately to center himself. There’s a weight on his hips and he looks up to see Keith is sitting on top of him, straddling his lap and holding his shoulders down, and his eyes look scared. It’s not as bad as the look in the nightmare, but it’s too close for comfort. 

“Baby, Baby, shh. Are you with me?” Keith coos, eyebrows pushed together in concern as Shiro’s panic begins to break and tears start to well up in his eyes. 

“Keith.” Shiro breathes, sniffling as he sits up and hugs him tight to his chest, breathing in his familiar scent, feeling the warmth of his skin. “I… I-I…”

“Let it out.” Keith murmurs, stroking Shiro’s back as he lets out one quiet sob into his shoulder. 

It had felt so real in the moment, like he was really going to have to fight Keith.  _ Again _ . He has the clone’s memories, he can’t bare to relive that moment, but on top of that, the guilt is back. All those people he had to fight. All those innocent lives lost because of him. 

“Shh, shh.” Keith whispers, holding him tight and pressing kisses into his hair as Shiro trembles. “You’re okay, Takashi. You’re in bed, I’m right here. Hana’s right in her room. Everything’s alright.”

Shiro takes a shuddery breath in and raises his head to kiss Keith’s cheek, still holding onto him, but loosening his grip a little. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was the arena this time.” Shiro sniffs. “Just… all those aliens and people I had to fight against, who died because I was…”

“Because you were being  _ forced _ to do so. Don’t forget that.” Keith says, pushing his fingers through Shiro’s hair to soothe him. In the dark of the bedroom, his eyes are glowing a bit. Shiro loves every part of him so much, he could melt right here if he wasn’t so distraught. “Was that all?”

“You were there.” Shiro swallows. “And for a moment, I really thought that we had to fight each other. Again.”

“The only thing you have to fight with me about is when our next date night is going to be.” Keith smiles. “Get up. Let’s get you some clean pajamas and I’ll remake the bed. You sweat right through the sheets.”

“Sorry.” Shiro winces. “That’s uh… gross.”

“I’ve seen worse.” Keith teases with a kiss to Shiro’s forehead before he climbs off of him and heads for the dresser. He pulls out a clean pair of shorts and underwear along with a tank top, handing them to Shiro with another sweet kiss to his lips, a gentle point of affection just to make Shiro smile. It works. 

“Thanks.” Shiro sighs as he gets up and changes into the fresh clothes, tossing his damp ones in the hamper before helping Keith strip and redress the bed. He’s feeling calm enough now, with all of Keith’s sweetness and comfort, that he thinks he might be able to get back to sleep when the monitor crackles on the nightstand. Shit. He can not deal with a crying baby properly right now. 

“Get in bed.” Keith says, his voice soft as he pulls the cover back and cocks his head towards the mattress. “I’ll settle her down and come right back.”

“Are you sure?” Shiro bites his lip. He shouldn’t be making Keith handle the baby at night on his own. 

“We talked about a future where I’m a part of you and Hana’s family.” Keith waits until Shiro gets back in bed then presses his lips to his forehead. “I can take care of her. You rest.”

“Okay.” Shiro breathes. “You’re right, thank you.”

“Not a problem.” Keith smiles when he leaves and Shiro swears he sways a little on purpose whenever he walks out of a room, always forcing Shiro’s eyes to at least glance at his ass. 

Shiro shuts his eyes, taking deep, calming breaths as he listens to Keith on the baby monitor. 

“ _ Hey there, kiddo. Shh, shh, it’s just me. It’s Keith.” _

Shiro smiles at how soft Keith’s voice goes when he’s with the baby. If the paladins could see him now. 

_ “You have a nightmare too? Everything’s okay, I’ve got you.” _

Shiro’s heart just about melts as he listens to Keith start to hum twinkle twinkle little star to her. Hana’s crying quickly turns to whines, then just little fusses, until there’s quiet again. It’s like Keith’s a magician. 

_ “There you go, princess. You’re okay.” _

Shiro hears some shuffling and the sound of the nursery door closing before Keith finally pads back into the bedroom, his hair a mess and looking adorably sleepy as he slides back into bed with Shiro. 

“It took you less than five minutes to calm her down.” Shiro laughs as he settles his head on Keith’s chest, hugging him as he closes his eyes again. “She loves you so much.”

“You think?”

“Mhm.” Shiro nods. “She pukes on Lance.”

Keith snorts. “I take it you’re feeling better?”

“Much better.” Shiro sighs, nuzzling his cheek against Keith’s chest over his t-shirt. “You’re so amazing, Keith.”

“I didn’t really do anything.”

“Yeah you did.” Shiro smiles. 

“You’re cute.” Keith gives a little chuckle and twirls Shiro’s hair floof around his finger, letting it bounce back before he starts to pull away again. “I’m gonna grab an extra pillow, you sleep on rocks.”

“I do not.” Shiro pouts as Keith once again leaves the warm nest of his bed to open the closet door. Wait. “Uh…”

“Why do you keep a pillow on your closet floor?” Keith frowns, cocking his head at the body pillow. “Is it… dirty?”

“...We can leave that one alone.”

Keith turns around with a raised eyebrow as Shiro’s cheeks warm. “I’ll check the linen closet.”

“I… think that would be best.” Shiro clears his throat. 

“How long have you had a jerk off pillow?”

“Keith!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual pls comment and kudos ! make sure to follow me on twitter @nuttinonice for fic-related updates and also i post all chapters earlier on another platform, thank you all for still reading !!! sorry for the chaotic posting schedule hnggh

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Don't forget to leave kudos and comments really keep me going, so if you enjoyed this, let me know!
> 
> You can follow me for fic updates on Twitter and if you like domestic / parenting Sheith you can check out the family-themed Sheith zine I'm modding here! here!


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